The Big Bang Theory - Eighth Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,128
Previously on The
Big Bang Theory...

2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:05,805
We were worried about you.

3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,083
Don't be melodramatic.

4
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,449
I'm just getting on a
train and leaving forever.

5
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,927
A few things don't
go your way...

6
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,801
and your best decision is
to ride the rails like a hobo?

7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,164
Leonard, I am overwhelmed.

8
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,570
Everything is changing
and it's simply too much.

9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,449
I need to get away and think.

1
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:07,242
Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon
Cooper. And welcome to:

2
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Fun With Flags...

3
00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:13,929
the Final Episode Flagtacular.

4
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,720
I knew it was
coming, still scary.

5
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,610
Now, I'm sure you're thinking:

6
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:25,243
"The final episode? Who will stand
between us and flag ignorance?"

7
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,687
I know I was thinking that.

8
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,123
Is this a show on
flags or mind reading?

9
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,843
But the truth is I can no longer
balance a full-time career...

1
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:05,722
Hey, how are things
going with your parents?

2
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,962
Not great. They hired
divorce attorneys.

3
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:10,009
Yeah, speaking of attorneys...

4
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:15,610
if I ever needed a lawyer,
I would not hire She-Hulk.

5
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,203
You know what? That
was almost on topic.

6
00:00:19,204 --> 00:00:20,926
I'm gonna say,
"Good job, Sheldon."

7
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,595
Wait, She-Hulk's a lawyer?

8
00:00:23,596 --> 00:00:25,966
Yeah. She works at a
law firm in New York.

9
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,203

1
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,450
What color would you like to be?

2
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,126
Oh. I'd like to be green. But
you know you always take it.

3
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:11,284
That's not true. Any
color's fine with me.

4
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:15,371
I can be a combination
of blue and yellow.

5
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,204
- Blue and yellow make green.
- Ah, then it's settled.

6
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,089
Hi. Ready to go?

7
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,242
Good news. We ordered
lunch so we can all

8
00:00:25,244 --> 00:00:27,205
stay here and play
Lord of the Rings Risk.

9
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,050

1
00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,685
Okay. We're headed
out. See you later.

2
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,575
Before you leave,
could you help me

3
00:00:08,577 --> 00:00:10,521
test these noise-canceling
headphones?

4
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,881
- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.

5
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,526
Go ahead.

6
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,484
Hello? Can you hear me?

7
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,340
Sheldon, I haven't
changed the filter

8
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in the water
pitcher in two years.

9
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,129

1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,001
So tell me about your day. How's
it going with the particle detector?

2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,685
Wow, you remember that?

3
00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,325
Yeah, I listen to what you say.

4
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,002
You're building a particle
detector using superfluid helium.

5
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,130
You know, when
you talk like that I want

6
00:00:16,131 --> 00:00:17,881
to take you right
here on this table.

7
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,009
And you know from past experience
this table cannot support both our weight.

8
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,648
So how's the detector going?

9
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:27,763
Well, it's tricky working

1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,809
I've invented a science joke...

2
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:07,928
- would you like to hear it?
- Sure.

3
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:11,489
How many Edisons does it
take to screw in a light bulb?

4
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:13,925
- How many?
- Who cares?

5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,527
He stole the idea and
doesn't deserve his own joke.

6
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,091
Is that really true?

7
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,607
Of course. That's how
you know it's a good joke.

8
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It not only
entertains, it informs.

9
00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:27,885

1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,522
I just read about
an experiment...

2
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designed to see if you can make two
people fall in love in a matter of hours.

3
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,285
That doesn't sound right.

4
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,627
My research has
shown that it takes

5
00:00:12,629 --> 00:00:15,281
three to five years of
shameless begging.

6
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,251
Honey, neither of us
comes off good in that story.

7
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,729
Yeah, I saw that article
you're talking about.

8
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,685
The participants ask each
other a series of questions...

9

1
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I was unstoppable.
I mean, I was on fire.

2
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It was like my mind and my
body were totally connected.

3
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:13,925
Like athletes must feel
when they're in the zone.

4
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,209
Again, it was miniature golf.

5
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,247
Admit it, you're
a little turned on.

6
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,050
You can't be this proud.

7
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,761
- Why not?
- Because I beat you.

8
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- Hey.
- Hi.

9
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:30,605

1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,411
Two, one, six, four, two,
zero, one, nine, eight, nine.

2
00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,007
And that, little lady, is
pi to a thousand places.

3
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:15,441
I'd say I'm sorry I
asked, except I didn't.

4
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,140
Oh, look, it's the
Scientific American

5
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that covered the paper
Leonard and I wrote.

6
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,524
Oh, let me see.

7
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,365
I have mixed feelings
about doing interviews.

8
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,249
I like the part where I talk.

9
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,449

1
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Leonard, I've been
working on an opening

2
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joke for our
lecture at Berkeley.

3
00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,643
Ooh, I like to laugh,
but say it anyway.

4
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,642
Okay. Uh...

5
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"What do you say to a graduate of
the UC Berkeley Physics Department?"

6
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"I'll have fries with that."

7
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:26,163
Because his education hasn't
prepared him for a career in the sciences.

8
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,808
You know, when they chase you out of there,
you only have to run faster than Sheldon.

9
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,161

1
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,406
I recently read that
during World War II...

2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:09,962
Joseph Stalin had a research
program to create super soldiers...

3
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:13,681
by having women
impregnated by gorillas.

4
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,763
What a sick use of science.

5
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:19,400
Hey, as long as
the baby's healthy.

6
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,285
I wonder if Stalin
considered any other animals.

7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,124
Hippos are the
deadliest creature.

8
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:28,250
A half-human, half-hippo
soldier would be pretty badass.

9

1
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- You're wrong.
- No, I'm not.

2
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- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.

3
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,114
Settle this. Those little
animated pictures on the Internet.

4
00:00:10,116 --> 00:00:11,723
Are they called gifs or "jifs"?

5
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:15,248
Well, the G stands for "graphic,"
so that's a hard G, so I'd say gif.

6
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,167
The guy who
invented it says it's "jif."

7
00:00:18,169 --> 00:00:21,646
I'm sorry, do you mean
the "guy" or the "juy"?

8
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:27,005
Well, I'll give you three
guesses why I'm so irritated.

9

1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,011
Hey, would you like to hear
some songs I've rewritten...

2
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,561
to get children interested
in the hard sciences?

3
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,006
- Sure.
- Really?

4
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,663
Yeah, well, I like
music. I like science.

5
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:14,927
I like making fun
of Sheldon. Hit it.

6
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,481
♪ There was a scientist
who had a theory ♪

7
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,369
♪ And James Clerk
Maxwell was his name-o ♪

8
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,249
♪ J-A-M-E-S ♪

9

1
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It's like, the best one they
make, I just can't get it to work.

2
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:07,131
I'll figure it out.

3
00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:08,407
It streams HD video...

4
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,648
straight to your
phone while it's flying.

5
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:14,811
Nice. Where were
you when I was single?

6
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,765
Okay, we should leave in
about an hour. You all packed?

7
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,194
I just need to throw in a
few last-minute things.

8
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,170
You know, makeup,
underwear, clothes.

9
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,723

1
00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:05,522
Leonard, what time does
your mom's plane get in?

2
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,343
I don't know, sometime
tomorrow morning?

3
00:00:07,345 --> 00:00:08,923
Don't you want
to know for sure?

4
00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,327
No need to. As soon as she
flies into California airspace...

5
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,364
I'll feel a disturbance
in the Force.

6
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,498
It's so nice both
of your moms are

7
00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:18,724
coming in to see you
guys get an award.

8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,846
Well, my mother's been
there for every honor I've won...

1
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:10,722
Can you believe it's been
five years since our first date?

2
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,570
I know.

3
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:17,325
Do you think I should start
watching The Flash TV show?

4
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,007
That's what you're
thinking about?

5
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,929
Well, one of the things.

6
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,047
Are any of them me?

7
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,647
Yes.

8
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,884
I thought, "I can't decide if I
should watch The Flash TV show.

9
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,923
I know. I'll ask Amy."

1
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,647
So how does this game
work? I throw it like a real ball?

2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,968
Yeah, nice and easy,
right over the plate.

3
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,844
All right.

4
00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:13,611
You suck, Wolowitz!

5
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,406
What's that about?

6
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,171
I'm heckling you. It's a
beloved part of baseball.

7
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,322
He's right. And given that
you're probably still waiting...

8
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:25,280
to be picked for a game that was played
in fifth grade, I'm sure you do suck.

9
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,003
- Hi. What's going on?

1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,727
Have you guys heard
about this research team...

2
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,645
that's trying to transgenically
manipulate chicken DNA...

3
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,121
to create some sort
of chicken dinosaur?

4
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,483
I think that sounds wonderful.

5
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,807
What? You're afraid of
both dinosaurs and chickens.

6
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,292
Yes, but tell me a
dinosaur-chicken salad

7
00:00:21,293 --> 00:00:23,568
sandwich wouldn't
hit the Mesozoic spot.

8
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:28,606
- Hey, guys.
- Hello.

9

1
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:07,003
Hey, I read that someone invented
a way to convert your footsteps...

2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,883
into electromagnetic
energy so you can

3
00:00:08,885 --> 00:00:10,607
charge your cell
phone while walking.

4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,843
We had that idea years ago. How
come we never did anything with it?

5
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,197
Probably because we
left the diagram of it in the

6
00:00:16,199 --> 00:00:18,847
restaurant and none of
us wanted to walk back.

7
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,610
I know the real reason you never
made progress with that idea.

8
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,889
You thought of it
September 22nd, 2007.

1
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:04,686
I like your suit.

2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,360
Oh, thanks. Got a couple
new outfits for work.

3
00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:09,840
How's it feel knowing
your fiancée job is to go

4
00:00:09,842 --> 00:00:12,122
out and flirt with
doctors looking like that...

5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,001
while you sit here, you
know, looking like this?

6
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:20,842
- She doesn't flirt with doctors.
- Yeah. It's all very professional.

7
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:23,724
When you bend over I
can see down your shirt.

8
00:00:23,726 --> 00:00:24,687
Okay, good.

9
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,330

1
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:05,541
What are you
working on these days?

2
00:00:05,542 --> 00:00:07,287
I'm studying
one-celled organisms...

3
00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,484
to try and find the neurochemicals
that lead to the feeling of shame.

4
00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:13,930
Well, what do one-celled organisms
have to be embarrassed about?

5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,163
Same as all of us, getting
out of a car without underwear.

6
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,928
Speaking of underwear, I
have some interesting news.

7
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:26,045
Okay, if it's sometimes Howie
wears yours, Leonard already told us.

8
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,282
He was being funny.

9

1
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,730
Oh, hey. We ran into your
mom at Benihana last night.

2
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,370
Oh. Yeah. She loves that place.

3
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,641
Every time they flip a
shrimp in the air, she

4
00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:12,764
practically leaps out
of her seat to catch it.

5
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,042
I mean, it's why I don't
take her to SeaWorld.

6
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,970
I know you don't want to hear
it, but she was there with Stuart.

7
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,529
That's fine, I don't care.

8
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,569
Doesn't bug you
when they go on dates?

9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,770

1
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,976
This is an easy one.
You love this guy.

2
00:00:06,978 --> 00:00:08,049
Me.

3
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,762
Come on. He's an
underappreciated genius...

4
00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,288
Still think it's me.

5
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:19,560
It's not you. Now think.
There's a car named after him.

6
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,690
Of course there is. The
Mini Cooper, because it's me.

7
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,289
How about this?

8
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,170
He's a poor man's
Sheldon Cooper.

9
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,560
Oh, Tesla.