The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police English Subtitles

1
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:10,960
Not again.

2
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,430
This is the third
time this morning.

3
00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:18,370
Whew.

4
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:19,370
REPAIR MAN: Hello.

5
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:22,750
Somebody call for a
refrigerator repair?

6
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,650
DARLA: In here.

7
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Hello there, young lady.

8
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Is your mommy home?

9
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This isn't my home.

10
00:01:30,530 --> 00:01:31,330

1
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[ANNOYING SCREECHING]

2
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Yee haw!

3
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Pinch that doggie.

4
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[screeching stops]

5
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We thank you.

6
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At first, we embraced
the monolith as a--

7
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what did the sales guy call it?

8
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The dawn of evolution.

9
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Oh, right, yeah.

10
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,950
Then it just became annoying.

1
00:00:04,250 --> 00:00:07,000
Well, here we are, woefully
lacking chutes and falling

2
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at 1 billion feet per second.

3
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Is it my fault the
restroom and cockpit

4
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doors are virtually identical?

5
00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:14,090
I can't imagine what it's
going to be like to hit

6
00:00:14,090 --> 00:00:15,980
the bricks at this speed.
-Hmm.

7
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,260
Ooh, I scared myself.

8
00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:24,160
I know, grab me by the ears.

9
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,290
You are aware there
are children watching?

1
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[DOG BARKING]

2
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OK, little buddy.
On three.

3
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Ready?
One, one and 1/2.

4
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Three!

5
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:20,000
All right, son, consider
yourself pinched.

6
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,500
Who are these guys?

7
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:26,500
[THEME SONG]

8
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[PHONE RINGING]

9
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:06,860
I got it!

10

1
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Hold him down, Sam.

2
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The success of this process depends on it.

3
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His resistance is
great... Well, strong.

4
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You know Max,
if you would just floss regularly,

5
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these long scaling
appointments could be avoided.

6
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[PHONE RINGING]

7
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I got it!
I got it!

8
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,040
I got it!
-I got it!

9
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,700
I got it!

1
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,040
You know, Max,
these super-villains

2
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really know how to dress.

3
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It takes a special kind
of criminal sociopath

4
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to carry off a
maroon velvet cape.

5
00:00:17,910 --> 00:00:19,550
Yeah, I never
thought we'd finally

6
00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:21,580
apprehend...

7
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:23,350
...the Mad Thespian.

8
00:00:24,030 --> 00:00:26,340
Taunt me your worst,
freelance police.

9
00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:29,550
For you shall not survive

1
00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:12,070
Quite a storm, eh, Max?

2
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The best, Sam.

3
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I can't remember the last
time it rained toads.

4
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NEWSCASTER (ON
RADIO): We interrupt

5
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this broadcast to bring you
an all-important newsflash.

6
00:00:20,590 --> 00:00:22,120
Violent, atmospheric
conditions are

7
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,050
threatening the very
existence of the planet.

8
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We urge all of
you to take cover.

9
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:30,050

1
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[THUNDER]

2
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[THUNDER]

3
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[THUNDER]

4
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[THUNDER]

5
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[SQUEALING]

6
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[SQUEALING]

7
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[SCREAMING]

8
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Pretty creepy so far.

9
00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:00,570
Wow.

10
00:01:00,570 --> 00:01:05,250
This sort of material should
carry a stern warning label.

1
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,120
MAX: Well, Sam, looks
like we've found

2
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,250
out what's been causing
all the big trouble

3
00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:10,420
in the north Atlantic.

4
00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:12,780
Yeah, nothing says
drama on the high seas

5
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:16,570
like a cheesed-off giant
octopus defending its turf.

6
00:00:16,570 --> 00:00:19,670
It's time we taught this ornery
critter its proper place

7
00:00:19,670 --> 00:00:21,170
in the food chain, Max.

8
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I like 'em deep
fried with lemon.

9
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,470

1
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[MUSIC PLAYING]

2
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NARRATOR: And now,
it's time for gripping

3
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action from the basement
archives of "The Vice Squad."

4
00:00:11,730 --> 00:00:13,760
Hi, and welcome
to "Vice Squad."

5
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:17,070
The show devoted entirely to
crushing stuff in Dad's vice.

6
00:00:17,070 --> 00:00:18,350
SAM: You'd be
surprised at how many

7
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:20,380
cast off household
items can be forever

8
00:00:20,380 --> 00:00:22,420
changed by this merry gadget.

9
00:00:22,420 --> 00:00:24,680

1
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It was daybreak over
who knows where.

2
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Max and I were being sent to
the worst place in the world,

3
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:11,730
and we didn't even know it.

4
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MAX (VOICEOVER): We hoped it,
but we didn't actually know it.

5
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:15,150
SAM (VOICEOVER):
All Max and I knew

6
00:00:15,150 --> 00:00:17,120
was that when the red
light started blinking,

7
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it would mean that we were
approaching the drop zone.

8
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MAX (VOICEOVER):
Then and only then

9

1
00:00:10,070 --> 00:00:12,470
MAX: You know, Sam,
Christmas with your granny

2
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has never been better.

3
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:18,200
Each year I wish it would get
better, but it never does.

4
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,020
That's all going to
change tonight, Max.

5
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:20,940
Do tell.

6
00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:23,500
SAM: Instead of hunkering down
to view the requisite gush

7
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:25,910
of holiday classics
on TV, Granny

8
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has planned a special
Christmas Eve excursion.

9
00:00:30,220 --> 00:00:31,220

1
00:00:19,950 --> 00:00:21,160
Perimeter secure, Sam.

2
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,110
Man your positions.

3
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:23,310
This is it.

4
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,870
And you don't think
our viewing habits

5
00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:29,430
are getting a tad extreme?
-Shut up!

6
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:32,560
Shut up!
It's starting.

7
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,520
Tonight, on America's
Funniest Film Tragedies--

8
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,850
when clown acts go bad.

9
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,760
And in our followup--

1
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NEWS ANCHOR: We interrupt
this program to bring you

2
00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:04,660
a late-breaking development.

3
00:00:04,660 --> 00:00:07,970
A giant rogue meteor is on
a direct path with Earth.

4
00:00:07,970 --> 00:00:10,270
Citizens are urged to
remain calm and take

5
00:00:10,270 --> 00:00:12,940
all the necessary precautions
one would expect to take in

6
00:00:12,940 --> 00:00:15,240
the waning moments before
the cataclysmic impact

7
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:16,430
of an unyielding meteor.

8
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Fear not, good citizens.

9
00:00:34,170 --> 00:00:37,920
The Mega Max 3000 is here

1
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,170
Forget your troubles,
come on, get happy.

2
00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:08,730
SAM: We're gonna chase
all your cares away.

3
00:00:08,730 --> 00:00:11,230
MAX: Shout hallelujah,
come on, get happy.

4
00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:13,690
Today is Glazed McGuffin Day.

5
00:00:13,690 --> 00:00:16,100
MAX: The sun is shining,
the dough is rising.

6
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,750
SAM: The lard is
boiling, so take my hand.

7
00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:20,010
MAX: Jabooga booga,
come on, get happy.

8
00:00:20,010 --> 00:00:22,840
We're heading for
the promised land.

9

1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:07,930
And as the icy winds
whistled o'er the moors,

2
00:00:07,930 --> 00:00:11,090
they carried with
them Emily's plea.

3
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:12,030
"Flesh!"

4
00:00:12,030 --> 00:00:15,390
"Flesh! Give to me my flesh!"

5
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[THUNDER]

6
00:00:18,890 --> 00:00:21,090
Well, how was it?

7
00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:26,060
What say you, Mr. Keats,
our Nobel poet laureate?

8
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,370
You were so scary,
Mary Shelley,

9
00:00:28,370 --> 00:00:31,800
I got shivers in my belly.

1
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,230
How many more miles, Sam?

2
00:00:05,230 --> 00:00:06,740
Almost there, Max.

3
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,240
Good, because I'm
lousy with anticipation.

4
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,880
I can see.

5
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,300
Tell me what the
Commissioner said again, Sam?

6
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,130
Go on, tell me.

7
00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:15,160
Tell me what he said!

8
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,100
SAM: He said in so
many four-letter words,

9
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,760
it promises to be our
most bizarre, unsettling,

1
00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:06,330
Well, here we are enjoying
a brisk February day

2
00:00:06,330 --> 00:00:07,030
at the beach.

3
00:00:07,030 --> 00:00:09,290
Nothing like getting
away from a city

4
00:00:09,290 --> 00:00:11,180
feverish with sappy
holiday sentiment.

5
00:00:11,180 --> 00:00:11,960
Right, Sam?

6
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,370
And Valentine's
Day is no exception.

7
00:00:14,370 --> 00:00:17,160
All that open caring and
public displays of affection

8
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,950
are just too much for a couple
of manly lugs like us to bear.

9
00:00:19,950 --> 00:00:21,680

1
00:00:01,390 --> 00:00:03,560
[SNARLING]

2
00:00:03,990 --> 00:00:07,370
What's the hold up on that
Brad the Impaler file, Max?

3
00:00:07,370 --> 00:00:09,230
You know how antsy
the Commissioner

4
00:00:09,230 --> 00:00:11,890
gets when he doesn't have
up-to-date paperwork to shred.

5
00:00:11,890 --> 00:00:14,780
It'll be a slight delay, Sam.

6
00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:17,150
The loose-leaf sandwich
you filed last winter

7
00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:18,710
has evolved not
only a rudimentary

8
00:00:18,710 --> 00:00:22,520
central nervous system, but
a woefully cranky attitude.

9
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,430

1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,970
[BALD EAGLE CALLING]

2
00:00:19,340 --> 00:00:20,830
[SHOUTING]

3
00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:24,800
[YELLING]

4
00:00:29,260 --> 00:00:30,260
[BOOM, BOOM]

5
00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:33,600
Nice wedding so far.

6
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,330
I think the Commissioner
would support

7
00:00:35,330 --> 00:00:37,340
our decision to
employ rubber ammo

8
00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:38,940
and tear gas at this point.

9
00:00:38,940 --> 00:00:40,780
He wouldn't want this
to get out of hand.

10

1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:04,050
[SCREAMING]

2
00:00:06,430 --> 00:00:08,320
[ROAR]

3
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:09,150
[CRASH]

4
00:00:11,210 --> 00:00:12,810
If I didn't see it
with my own eyes,

5
00:00:12,810 --> 00:00:14,410
I never would have believed it.

6
00:00:14,410 --> 00:00:17,420
Who would have guessed one wimpy
bolt was holding up five tons

7
00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:19,390
of colorful roadside Americana?

8
00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:22,080
I was right, you owe me
one Dino Boogie snow globe

9
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:23,580
full of primordial dandruff.

10

1
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:09,690
Okay.
This one's for the championship.

2
00:00:09,690 --> 00:00:12,610
Sam, guess that meal.

3
00:00:12,610 --> 00:00:15,500
And remember, we're
talking breakfast here.

4
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:17,500
[BURPS]

5
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:19,000
[SNIFFS]

6
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:19,760
Hm.

7
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:24,010
I'm going to say a chutney beef
enchilada with maple syrup.

8
00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:25,350
That's right.

9
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:28,110
[PAGER BEEPS]
-I got it.

1
00:00:02,650 --> 00:00:03,980
NARRATOR: Since
the dawn of time,

2
00:00:03,980 --> 00:00:07,550
the inhabitants of our world
have looked to the skies

3
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:14,230
and pondered about the existence
of invaders from outer space.

4
00:00:14,230 --> 00:00:16,590
The question of whether we
are alone in the universe

5
00:00:16,590 --> 00:00:18,130
has finally been answered.

6
00:00:18,130 --> 00:00:21,310
And as our brave men in
uniform-- those howling

7
00:00:21,310 --> 00:00:24,920
leathernecks-- risk life and
limb to keep the alien horde

8
00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:28,210
at bay, John Q. Public
furrows his brow

9

1
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:15,100
Boy, I always sleep like
a rock on these flights.

2
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:17,440
I hate to wake him, but
it'd be a shame if Sam slept

3
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,500
through all the fireworks.

4
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:24,000
Tick, tick, tick.

5
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:24,900
Brbrbrbrrrrring!

6
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,260
Rise and shine, Sam.

7
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:29,180
Time to greet the nuclear dawn!

8
00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:30,400
How do you feel?

9
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,230
Not so good.

10
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,870