Superstore - Third Season English Subtitles

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The National Weather Service

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has issued a heightened tornado watch.

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Everybody stay inside!

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We are gonna lock this place down!

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Dear lord Jesus, in your
infinite power and compassion,

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please save us!

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I love you, Jeff! I didn't want to die

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without letting you know how I feel!

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Hey! Sandra! Sandra!

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Dear Allah, in your

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♪ You're so freakin' special ♪

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♪ I wish I was special ♪

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♪ But I'm a creep ♪

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♪ I'm a weirdo ♪

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♪ What the hell am I doing here? ♪

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D-Did Brett like Radiohead?

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No, it's just the only song she knows.

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- Her YouTube channel is so sad.
- ♪ I don't belong... ♪

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♪ Here ♪

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Thank you, Sandra. That was... lovely.

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So without further ado,

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it's my great pleasure

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to welcome our newest
part-time employee,

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Emma Dubanowski.

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That's very nice of you
and also very unnecessary.

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Oh, there's more.

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14 years ago,

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our Cloud 9 family got a little bigger.

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- Aww!
- Oh!

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1
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Hey!

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What are you... what are you doing?

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Um, just some stuff.

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No, you were...
you're trying to rob the store.

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Yeah.

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Well, you... put it back.

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Uh, I don't think I'm gonna.

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Wh... well, I caught
you, so, y-you have to.

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Um, I don't think I do.

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We found him this morning.

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Looks like he used to work here.

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We were opening up the drywall,
and Gary saw the arm.

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I was like, "What?"

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No way, Gary. That's not a dead body."

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Then Gary showed it to me.

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Turns out, it was a dead body.

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Who are you? Beyoncé?

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Selena.

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- Who?

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Oh.

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Mateo, we get it.

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Okay, I can't help it.
I have an ear infection.

4
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You know, whenever I get one of those,

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I put a little garlic oil in my ear.

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It takes away the sting, and
you get to smell like the Pope.

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I'm telling you, a little
VapoRub on a Q-tip and...

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Again with the VapoRub.

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It's a miracle drug!

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Uh-uh, nope, not gonna happen.

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Hey. Dina, is something wrong?

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You know the rules.
No religious crap in the store.

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Religious cr... Oh, this?

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This is just a winter barn display.

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With a Baby Jesus and Three Wise Men?

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That is a normal barn baby

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and three men of average intelligence.

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No, below average.

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No, average.

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Thank you all for coming in early.

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Uh, there's been an unfortunate incident

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we need to discuss.

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- What's that in your ear?
- Nothing.

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I got it pierced. No big deal.

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Oh, wait, hold up.
What are we working with here?

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Is that a... a snake
or a lightning bolt?

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This is not what I'm here...
it's a guitar.

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An electric guitar.

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Five bucks says Best Actor or Actress

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dedicates their Golden
Globe to the troops.

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I'll bet you ten someone
rolls their R too hard

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talking about a foreign film.

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Five bucks says they cut to
the wrong person of color

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at least twice.

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Where are we watching this year?

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Jerusha's ovulating,

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so we'll probably just have
it on in the background

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A few last bits of housekeeping.

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We switched the isle six endcaps,

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so don't be alarmed.

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The softball team will once again

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not be happening and...

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Lastly, ah...

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We found out that Jerusha has
an abnormally shaped uterus

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which will prevent her
from getting pregnant.

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So if any of you know any women

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I don't understand why
Glenn needs the shots

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if you're the one carrying the baby.

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If I have to pump
myself full of hormones

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in order to carry his child,

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it's only fair that he go
through the same pain.

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Yeah, but with saline, so that

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my male parts don't
turn into female parts.

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Yeah, that's how it works.

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I just can't believe you
guys are making a baby.

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You guys, look.

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He's just saying...

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- Duh.
- Barely a rat.

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- Can I pet him?
- No.

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- Come on.
- You ask me that every year.

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One of these days,
I'm gonna wear you down.

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Your poor husband.

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Actually, um, no, we, uh,

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we got a divorce a few months ago.

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"Barbarian's Gate 3"
is being released today,

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so I need everybody on their A-game,

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as this store is going to be
packed with video game nerds.

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And we don't want to risk a trampling.

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Well, we're never going
to totally prevent tramplings.

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Oh, no, obviously we're never
going to have zero tramplings,

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but we can have fewer tramplings.

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Um, can I set one of
the video games aside

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before we sell out?

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Cheese, what is it?

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- Dried milk.
- Uh, no.

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- I don't think that's true.
- It is. It is, Amy.

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It's in a PowerPoint.

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Now, we all know the standard cheeses.

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American cheese,
cheddar cheese, pizza cheese.

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But what if I told you
there's one more out there?

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- Pepper jack?
- No.

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- Gouda?

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- This never gets old.
- Why are you doing this?

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Because this job is incredibly boring.

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So, Kelly, do you, like, hate Amy now?

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What? No.

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This was before I even
started working here...

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- Yes.
- And... and it was just a kiss.

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Yes, exactly. Thank you, Kelly.

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Uh-oh...

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looks like we got ourselves a catfight.

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1
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Um...

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Thank you all very much
for this going away party.

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It's very unnecessary,
and a little awkward.

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I'd just like to propose
a toast to my man.

5
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I'm sorry, did you bring
champagne for one person?

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In a way, this is a
celebration of us reuniting.

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No, no, I am celebrating

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never having to work with Jeff again.

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Not you two reuniting.

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Good morning, everyone.

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Good morning.

3
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Okay, let's focus up.

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Quiet!

5
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Morning, everyone.

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Okay, uh, before the new
district manager gets here,

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I just wanted to warn you
her name is Laurie Neustadt.

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And she's a woman,

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so let's not act like that's weird.

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Today is local vendors day.

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This is Cloud 9's way of supporting

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the local small business owners

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we're constantly putting
out of business.

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And this year,
we have a very special vendor.

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Just look at these
beautiful needlepoints.

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This is certainly an exciting product.

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Glenn, we all know that's your wife.

9
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No, no, it isn't.

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1
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The Missouri lottery is the
highest it's been in 20 years.

2
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Oh, man, I'd love to win the lottery.

3
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Yeah, I'd stop washing
the sheets on my futon.

4
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I'd just buy new ones every day.

5
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I'd get a bunch of vintage Jordans.

6
00:00:13,915 --> 00:00:15,848
But like, Michael Jordan's Jordans.

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I want the actual shoes off his feet.

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If I won, you would
not see me here tomorrow.

9
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That is for sure. I would be taking

10

1
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That's the face, nose,
and that's the mouth.

2
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It has a mouth! Oh, great.

3
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Nobody does a fail video
quite like a Russian.

4
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Dina, take a look. It's perfect.

5
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- Yeah, it's fine.
- Do you want to see it in 4-D?

6
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- Really?
- Okay.

7
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What the [bleep]?

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- Oh, it's a miracle.
- Uh-huh.

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Synced and corrected by hawken45

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I'm pregnant.

2
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You're... pregnant?

3
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With... a baby?

4
00:00:09,148 --> 00:00:11,329
Sorry, obviously that's... um.

5
00:00:11,331 --> 00:00:13,464
Uh, who...

6
00:00:13,797 --> 00:00:14,982
Uh, it's Adam.

7
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Oh, yeah, Adam. Adam.

8
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It was just a...
it was a one-time thing.

9
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How's... how's Adam doing?

10
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He's... he's good.

1
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I've got three rules.

2
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Don't date co-workers,

3
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don't move in with co-workers you date,

4
00:00:05,745 --> 00:00:08,945
and don't dump co-workers
you live with and date.

5
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Can I move back in with you?

6
00:00:13,577 --> 00:00:14,352
Ugh.

7
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Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

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00:00:20,809 --> 00:00:23,135
So, Neil Penderson, that's our CEO,

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will speak first, followed by Glenn,

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