Seinfeld - Second Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,838
I'm always in traffic
with the lane expert.

2
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:06,259
You know this type of person?

3
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:10,256
Constantly re-evaluating
their lane choice.

4
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,680
Never quite sure.

5
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,309
"Is this the best lane for me
for my life?"

6
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:16,476
They're always
a little bit ahead of you.

7
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:17,975
"Can I get in over there?"

8
00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:20,187
"Could I get ahead of you?
Could I get in there?"

9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,227
"Yeah, come on over here, pal.

1
00:00:01,836 --> 00:00:03,456
My parents live in Florida now.

2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:05,302
They moved there last year.

3
00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:06,837
They didn't want
to move to Florida,

4
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:08,431
but they're in their 60s,

5
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,715
and that's the law.

6
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,009
You know how it works.

7
00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:14,391
They got the leisure police.

8
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,889
They pull up in front
of the old people's house

9
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,642
with the golf cart,
jump out, "Let's go, Pop!

10

1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:03,458
I hate clothes, okay?

2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,962
I hate buying them,

3
00:00:04,964 --> 00:00:06,924
I hate picking them
out of my closet.

4
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,634
I can't stand every day

5
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:11,644
trying to come up
with little outfits for myself.

6
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:14,557
I think, eventually,
fashion won't even exist.

7
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,976
It won't.
I think, eventually,

8
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:17,515
we'll all be wearing
the same thing.

9
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,268
Because any time

1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:03,418
The bad thing about television

2
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,550
is that everybody
you see on television

3
00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:08,547
is doing something
better than what you're doing.

4
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:11,300
You never see anybody on TV,

5
00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:13,143
like, just sliding off
the front of the sofa

6
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,968
with potato chip crumbs
on their face.

7
00:00:14,974 --> 00:00:17,234
Some people have a little
too much fun on television.

8
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,185
The soda commercial people.

9
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:22,936
Where do they summon

1
00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:03,296
Well, I painted
my apartment again.

2
00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:05,965
I've been living in this
apartment for years and years,

3
00:00:05,965 --> 00:00:08,255
and every time I paint it,
it kind of gets me down.

4
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,888
I look around and think, "Well,
it's a little bit smaller now."

5
00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,886
And I realize it's just
the thickness of the paint,

6
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:14,138
but I'm aware of it.

7
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:15,979
It just keeps coming in
and coming in.

8
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:18,385
Every time I paint it,
it's closer and closer.

9

1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:02,626
I have to tell you

2
00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:05,088
that I did get some
very exciting news recently.

3
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,468
And I don't know if I should

4
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,175
really tell you
exactly what it is,

5
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,465
because it's really not
a definite thing yet.

6
00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:11,759
AUDIENCE:
Come on!

7
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,142
[CHEERS, CLAPS]

8
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:15,978
Well, I will tell you
what I do know so far.

9
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:18,055
According to the information

1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,545
Whenever I see the news,

2
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:06,045
and they're hauling in
some criminal terrorist

3
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,507
psycho maniac mass murderer guy,

4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,429
you notice he's always
covering up his face

5
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,007
with the newspaper,
with the jacket, with the hat?

6
00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:13,561
What is he worried about?

7
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,515
I mean,
what is this man's reputation

8
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,016
that he has to worry
about this kind of exposure

9
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,609
damaging his good name?

1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:03,210
You know, I tell you,
I gotta say

2
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:05,761
that I'm enjoying adulthood
for a lot of reasons,

3
00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,626
and I'll tell you
reason number one.

4
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,223
As an adult,

5
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:13,967
if I want a cookie,
I have a cookie, okay?

6
00:00:13,973 --> 00:00:16,983
I have three cookies
or four cookies,

7
00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:20,266
or 11 cookies if I want.

8
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:23,440
Many times,
I will intentionally ruin

9
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,650

1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:02,998
I was watching women

2
00:00:03,002 --> 00:00:04,882
in the department store
the other day trying on clothes,

3
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,010
and I noticed that they do it
differently from men.

4
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,637
Women don't try on the clothes,

5
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:12,925
they get behind the clothes,
you see?

6
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,350
They take a dress off the rack,

7
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:18,939
and they hold it up
against themselves.

8
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,266
They can tell something
from this.

9
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:24,070
They stick one leg way out.

1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:05,506
Men, uh...
flip around the television

2
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,046
more than women, I think.

3
00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:09,798
Men get that remote control
in their hands...

4
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,722
they don't even know what
the hell they're not watching.

5
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,010
You know, they just keep going.

6
00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:14,352
"Don't even know
what I'm watching."

7
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,928
"What are you watching?"

8
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,893
"I don't care. I gotta keep
going." "Who was that?"

9
00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:19,733
"Isn't that your father?"

1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,460
I'm on the street the other day,
make a pay phone call,

2
00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:06,513
go overtime on the call,

3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,627
hang up the phone, walk away.

4
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,224
You've had this happen?

5
00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:11,508
[MURMURED ASSENT FROM CROWD]

6
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,812
Phone rings.
It's the phone company.

7
00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:16,677
They want more money.

8
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,734
Don't you love this?

9
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,357
And you've got them
right where you want them

10

1
00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:03,920
I'm not a foodie.

2
00:00:03,921 --> 00:00:07,471
I don't...
"Oh, this is too rare."

3
00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:08,716
"Oh, it's too salty."

4
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,927
Just eat it and shut up.

5
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:13,928
I'll eat anywhere,
whatever they're having.

6
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,811
I have eaten rolls
off of room-service trays

7
00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:18,059
in hotel hallways.

8
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:20,859
I have. That's not a joke.

9
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,355
This is my life.

10