Schitt's Creek English Subtitles

1
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,417
Ah!

2
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,753
Ha, now that is what I call
a beautiful morning!

3
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:22,556
Looks like another
full house tonight.

4
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,758
Things are starting
to look up, sweetheart.

5
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,228
Big waves! Big waves!

6
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,430
Oh yes.
Yes, tidal waves of prosperity

7
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,532
are crashing down,
all around us.

8
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:34,034
- Soon enough. You just wait.

9
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,672
Hey partner,

1
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,309
Alexis: Okay,
so I'm thinking like,

2
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,743
season five Carrie Bradshaw,

3
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,712
like, super professional
and polished,

4
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,147
but also like,
chill and flirty

5
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,149
in an impossibly expensive
sort of way.

6
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,251
You do know that this
is your first day

7
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:20,321
at Elmdale College,
and not Vogue, right?

8
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,123
- Hush David,

9
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,425

1
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,143
Jocelyn: Moira, I'm sorry
I couldn't be more available

2
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,511
for you today, it's just
that my sister was supposed

3
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,213
to organize this with me,

4
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and her husband has come down
with gout for the third time.

5
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,616
But I still think this
is gonna be the best

6
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,618
Asbestos Fest yet!
- You know,

7
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:20,121
I know all about being left
in the lurch for a fundraiser.

8
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,656
Eva Longoria and I were
supposed to perform

9

1
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:09,343
Moira: David?
My nails aren't dry yet.

2
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:12,146
Alexis, I stumbled upon Ted
in the cafe this morning,

3
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,614
he sends his regards.

4
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,452
That's nice.
Um, what did he say?

5
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,322
Nothing, we merely exchanged
familial smiles.

6
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,191
He seemed quite taken
with an older woman,

7
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,259
so I thought best not
to intrude.

8
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,562
- Love that for him.

9
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,164

1
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:10,544
Flowers!

2
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:14,115
Oh, John, I do love how
you keep the magic alive.

3
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,350
Well, they're not from me,
Moira.

4
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:20,254
"Sorry for your loss.
She was really something."

5
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,056
- Ew. Who was something?

6
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:23,391
- Well, I don't know.

7
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,659
They didn't even put their
name on the card.

8
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,129
Alexis: Mom?
- In here.

9
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,298
- Oh, thank God.

1
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:10,311
Roland: Hey Ronnie, I need
the combination to the safe.

2
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,480
It's your safe.
You have the combination.

3
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,216
Okay, then I need the number
of a locksmith.

4
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,085
- I used a guy this weekend.

5
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:20,421
Yeah, Gwen locked me out.

6
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:21,755
By accident.

7
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:24,092
Roland,
why do you need the safe?

8
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,527
I've just been to the baby
doctor,

9
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,330
and I have some top secret

1
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:04,372
A POP Original Series

2
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,312
- All right.

3
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,149
- Morning, David.

4
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,453
Ew. What are you all doing
here?

5
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,755
- We have a surprise for you.

6
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:25,093
Judging from the looks on
your faces, I don't want it.

7
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:27,128
- Stevie?
- Stevie?

8
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:30,598
Something arrived
at the front desk for you.

9
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,068
Ah!

1
00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,771
A POP Original Series

2
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:17,385
Um, Alexis, do you mind
telling your phone to fuck off?

3
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:20,421
Ugh.

4
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:24,425
What's bumpkin?

5
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,129
What?
Nothing. Gimme that.

6
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:31,099
Oh my god,
is this a dating app?

7
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,667
It's an online social hub
for rural singles,

8
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:36,070
if you must know, David.
I signed Twyla up.

9
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,806
Well, why does it say Alexis

1
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:09,610
Johnny: And, there she is!

2
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Hot off the presses!

3
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- Alexis Rose.

4
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,116
Why is there a line
through it?

5
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,585
- Oh, toner must be low.

6
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,154
This certificate reminds me
of the one you were awarded

7
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,822
for getting your braces off.

8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,657
Now that was a grand day.

9
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,594
Yes, except my orthodontist
had a slightly better printer.

10

1
00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:19,106
- Hi, Jocelyn.

2
00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:26,722
- Is everything okay?

3
00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:30,682
- Yeah. Why?
- Um, I love your pyjama set.

4
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:31,988
- Thank you.

5
00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:35,209
It's been a hectic morning,
David, I'm not gonna lie.

6
00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,906
Well, I lit a patchouli
candle,

7
00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:38,777
so hopefully it'll...
calm your chi.

8
00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:42,259
Yeah, well, I didn't get much
sleep last night.

9
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,435
Somebody decided to do

1
00:00:01,566 --> 00:00:04,004
A POP Original Series

2
00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:09,748
David,

3
00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:13,056
Stevie is just now opening
the Rose Apothecary products

4
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,927
we ordered for the motel.

5
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:16,494
- Okay, good, you're welcome.

6
00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:19,149
Well, it would be good
if the order had arrived

7
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,760
when it was supposed to arrive,
last week.

8
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:23,545
- All right, so it got held up.

9
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:26,026
What possible difference
could one week make?

1
00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:04,004
A POP Original Series

2
00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:08,747
Moira: Alexis?
Alexis, Alexis!

3
00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:11,446
I just overheard three women
with smokers' coughs

4
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,056
talking about
"Sex in the City".

5
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,145
The singles have arrived!

6
00:00:15,189 --> 00:00:17,974
Why are you not wearing
your t-shirt?

7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,281
Darling, Mommy's delivering
the keynote address.

8
00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:22,631
There's going to be press
and photographers there,

9
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:25,329