Man with a Plan - Sconed Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:02,884
You got us going to the opera

2
00:00:02,886 --> 00:00:04,953
three nights in a row?

3
00:00:04,955 --> 00:00:08,990
Just tell me what I did
wrong, and I won't do it again.

4
00:00:08,992 --> 00:00:11,727
No, no. It's an arts
festival, all right?

5
00:00:11,729 --> 00:00:14,196
The first night is opera,
the second night is ballet,

6
00:00:14,198 --> 00:00:15,997
and then the third night is

7
00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:17,899
jazz poetry.

8
00:00:19,136 --> 00:00:21,603
Did you say "jazz poetry"?

9
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:24,039
Listen, I-I watched this Oprah thing

10

1
00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:05,648
Gentlemen, I got a problem.

2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,207
I've gathered you here because
I need the smartest guys I know.

3
00:00:08,688 --> 00:00:11,489
My life is what it is, so that's you.

4
00:00:12,671 --> 00:00:15,682
He's talking to you guys, so step it up.

5
00:00:15,707 --> 00:00:19,008
Yesterday, I was the only one
home and the doorbell rings.

6
00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:20,410
It was Carl Tompkins.

7
00:00:20,412 --> 00:00:22,645
That son of a bitch.

8
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:24,547
Who's Carl Tompkins?

9
00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:27,050
Pastor Carl? The guy who married
me and Andi at our wedding.

10

1
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:05,912
There's my sexy gardener.

2
00:00:05,914 --> 00:00:07,246
Yeah.

3
00:00:07,248 --> 00:00:09,215
I like you in those little green gloves.

4
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,650
Oh, these old things?

5
00:00:11,753 --> 00:00:13,486
Just something I threw on.

6
00:00:13,488 --> 00:00:15,221
I'd already be done if you let me

7
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:17,023
use that weed killer in the garage.

8
00:00:17,025 --> 00:00:18,858
I'm being punished just
because Teddy used to...

9
00:00:18,860 --> 00:00:22,929
and I repeat, used
to... lick the shrubs.

10
00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:24,730

1
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:06,888
Okay. I'll miss you.

2
00:00:06,890 --> 00:00:09,157
Well, I mean, I can't go
till you close the door.

3
00:00:09,159 --> 00:00:11,414
You go, and
then I'll close the door.

4
00:00:11,439 --> 00:00:13,463
No, you know what, you
close the door, then I'll go.

5
00:00:18,302 --> 00:00:20,102
What a nice kid, huh?

6
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:22,270
Go do your homework.

7
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,140
Hey, is Katie's new
boyfriend still here?

8
00:00:25,142 --> 00:00:27,442
No, he just left so she
could do her homework.

9
00:00:27,796 --> 00:00:28,862
What a doll.

1
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:04,469
Oh, hey, I'll take the kids to school.

2
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,190
I want to talk to the principal, again,

3
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,215
about letting Kate play
on the boys' soccer team.

4
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:10,576
Why are you making
yourself crazy with this?

5
00:00:10,601 --> 00:00:11,752
Even if the school agrees,

6
00:00:11,754 --> 00:00:14,126
you know the boys are
gonna be jerks about it.

7
00:00:14,151 --> 00:00:15,489
Remember that Disney movie

8
00:00:15,491 --> 00:00:17,324
where they put the donkey
on the football team

9
00:00:17,326 --> 00:00:19,167
to kick the field goals?

1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:03,962
So get this.

2
00:00:03,968 --> 00:00:06,210
The new neighbors down
the block had a party,

3
00:00:06,216 --> 00:00:09,287
and invited everybody
on the street except us.

4
00:00:09,293 --> 00:00:10,522
Great.

5
00:00:12,264 --> 00:00:14,984
What? No. Not great.

6
00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:16,756
I heard it from that old hermit guy

7
00:00:16,758 --> 00:00:18,825
on the corner who let all his grass die.

8
00:00:19,045 --> 00:00:20,378
Dirt Yard Bob?

9
00:00:21,295 --> 00:00:23,997
Yeah. They even invited Dirt Yard Bob.

10
00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:25,899

1
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,637
What happened to donuts?

2
00:00:04,639 --> 00:00:06,906
This thing is mostly hole.

3
00:00:06,908 --> 00:00:08,851
I think they're making
the middle bigger.

4
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:11,310
I bought a dozen donuts
and a dozen donut holes.

5
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,445
They don't match up.
Somebody's getting rich.

6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,232
Huh.

7
00:00:15,257 --> 00:00:17,383
Hey, there they are.

8
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,084
How'd the, uh, doctors appointments go?

9
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:22,187
Turns out Teddy needs
glasses, like, a lot.

1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:04,786
Come on, guys, we're
gonna be late for school.

2
00:00:04,788 --> 00:00:06,588
We don't have school.

3
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:10,425
No, no, no, I'm not
falling for that again.

4
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,494
No, it's for real. It's
Teacher Reading Day.

5
00:00:12,496 --> 00:00:13,962
They sent home a note.

6
00:00:13,964 --> 00:00:16,691
What note? I didn't see any note.

7
00:00:16,740 --> 00:00:19,741
Teddy, did you start eating paper again?

8
00:00:20,337 --> 00:00:22,537
Well, I found the note.

9
00:00:22,539 --> 00:00:25,640
And the upstairs remote. Teddy!

10

1
00:00:03,212 --> 00:00:05,504
We're really excited to
have the kids stay with us

2
00:00:05,529 --> 00:00:08,404
while you guys are away
for a little grown-up time.

3
00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:09,974
Wink, wink.

4
00:00:11,084 --> 00:00:12,611
Ma, don't "wink, wink."

5
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,974
You're gonna ruin grown-up time.

6
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,049
Don't worry, honey, I
got some new lingerie.

7
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,000
You'll power through.

8
00:00:19,754 --> 00:00:21,820
So, you're going to Atlantic City.

9
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:24,295
I've had some good times
there with your mother.

1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,342
You know, these animal
valentines you got

2
00:00:04,367 --> 00:00:06,899
for the kids to take to
school, they're a little racy.

3
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,398
Like, look at this cartoon bear.

4
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,859
He's wearing nothing but a bow tie.

5
00:00:11,861 --> 00:00:14,028
Where's he going, a bachelorette party?

6
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,598
I still don't understand
why every kid in the class

7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,900
has to get a valentine.

8
00:00:18,902 --> 00:00:20,935
When I was their age,
the only kids who got

9
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:23,971
a full bag of valentines
were nice or foxy.

1
00:00:03,167 --> 00:00:08,334
Guys, this... is a dishwasher. Okay?

2
00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:12,866
This is not a dishwasher.

3
00:00:13,782 --> 00:00:15,405
We know what a dishwasher is.

4
00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:18,765
Okay. Well, then, show me by
putting your dishes in there.

5
00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:20,827
It's full of wine glasses.

6
00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:25,107
When you have kids, you'll understand.

7
00:00:25,132 --> 00:00:26,732
Come on.

8
00:00:28,643 --> 00:00:29,876
Hi.

9
00:00:29,878 --> 00:00:31,144
Hey.

10
00:00:31,146 --> 00:00:32,812
How was Bingo with your mom?

1
00:00:02,584 --> 00:00:04,626
Go, go, go. Oh! You see that?

2
00:00:04,667 --> 00:00:06,372
We just took the lead!

3
00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,340
Hey, Dad, do you think I
could pull off these boots?

4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,208
Honey, I got 20 bucks
riding on this game.

5
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:13,244
I-I'll pull your boots
off at halftime, okay?

6
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:16,481
I don't know about that new
paint color in your bathroom.

7
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,416
I know, Joy; it's way too yellow.

8
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,719
This morning, I thought
I was peeing on the sun.

9
00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:25,056
It's so bright, I could see

1
00:00:02,584 --> 00:00:04,085
Bev, you got any fours?

2
00:00:04,132 --> 00:00:05,775
Give you my fours,
you give me your twos.

3
00:00:05,777 --> 00:00:07,210
All right.

4
00:00:07,212 --> 00:00:09,613
That is not how you play gin.

5
00:00:10,542 --> 00:00:12,542
- Gin!
- Gin!

6
00:00:15,378 --> 00:00:17,284
Well, I can't say I'm sad it's over.

7
00:00:17,292 --> 00:00:19,210
Hey, uh, listen, before you guys go,

8
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:20,914
I need you to clear your Saturday.

9
00:00:20,939 --> 00:00:22,838
Well, we were all set to mail a letter,

10
00:00:22,863 --> 00:00:25,331

1
00:00:02,417 --> 00:00:04,959
You guys are in for our March
Madness party this weekend, right?

2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,834
Jen has to work, but she's preapproved

3
00:00:06,835 --> 00:00:08,501
several party jokes for me to tell.

4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,541
I have a fun one about

5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,460
an elephant who doesn't
have to pack a bag

6
00:00:11,462 --> 00:00:14,129
because he already has a...
You know what, I'll save it.

7
00:00:14,131 --> 00:00:15,958
Oh. I'll go

8
00:00:15,959 --> 00:00:17,668
if you let me try out your
new heated toilet seat.

9
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:18,767
I've been waiting my whole life

1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,375
Hey.

2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,537
How was yoga class?

3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:08,500
Amazing. I feel very centered,

4
00:00:08,525 --> 00:00:11,727
'cause we skipped it and went
to the wine bar next door.

5
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:15,815
And then we nama-stayed
there for a couple hours.

6
00:00:16,635 --> 00:00:17,850
I'm all for it.

7
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,786
You're never more lovely than
when you're half in the bag.

8
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,255
Oh, um, I talked to my
parents, and they're driving in

9
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,723
from Virginia for Easter.

1
00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:04,203
Hey.

2
00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,140
How was lunch?

3
00:00:05,165 --> 00:00:06,825
Oh, well, your dad wanted to go

4
00:00:06,850 --> 00:00:08,306
to the Chinese buffet.

5
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:09,540
It was all-you-can-eat,

6
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:11,075
and we took that as a challenge.

7
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:13,237
It was like the war.

8
00:00:13,262 --> 00:00:15,377
I went into the jungle
innocent and hopeful,

9
00:00:15,378 --> 00:00:17,625
and I came out just
looking for a bathroom.

10
00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:20,365

1
00:00:02,709 --> 00:00:06,043
Good job on your chores.
Emme, that's for you.

2
00:00:06,125 --> 00:00:07,959
Teddy, that's for you.

3
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,257
Two dollars?

4
00:00:09,282 --> 00:00:11,843
That's less than I pay
Emme to do my chores for me.

5
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,112
Ah!

6
00:00:14,137 --> 00:00:15,365
Not so fast.

7
00:00:15,375 --> 00:00:17,209
You still have one more chore.

8
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:18,292
Fine.

9
00:00:22,652 --> 00:00:24,134
Okay, paying for a hug

10
00:00:24,159 --> 00:00:26,285

1
00:00:06,816 --> 00:00:09,060
All right, all right.

2
00:00:09,085 --> 00:00:11,718
Hey, Dad, there's this new thing
people are doing these days.

3
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,586
It's called knocking.

4
00:00:13,588 --> 00:00:15,488
I'm old, you come to me.

5
00:00:16,658 --> 00:00:18,758
Listen, I'm on my way to buy a new car.

6
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,493
I'm gonna use the Burns system.

7
00:00:20,495 --> 00:00:22,929
The Burns car buying system is a legend.

8
00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:25,498
- Yeah.
- Your dad handed it down to you,

9
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:29,035
and then you handed it
down to, well, my brother.

10

1
00:00:02,648 --> 00:00:04,644
This is such a fun way

2
00:00:04,646 --> 00:00:06,947
to celebrate you guys
finishing the mini-mall.

3
00:00:06,949 --> 00:00:08,968
Hey, did Lisa say what
our next project is?

4
00:00:08,993 --> 00:00:10,684
- Mm-mm. 
- I hope it's a water park.

5
00:00:10,686 --> 00:00:11,952
I love a lazy river.

6
00:00:11,954 --> 00:00:13,586
You don't have to get out to pee.

7
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,456
Yes, you do.

8
00:00:17,081 --> 00:00:19,059
Look, Lisa's gonna tell
us about our next project

9
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:22,295
when she gets here,
and she said it is big.

1
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:05,445
This is such a fun way to celebrate

2
00:00:05,447 --> 00:00:07,413
you guys finishing the mini mall.

3
00:00:07,415 --> 00:00:09,816
- Hey, did Lisa say what our next project is?
- Mm-mm.

4
00:00:09,818 --> 00:00:13,353
The next project I
will be working on is...

5
00:00:13,355 --> 00:00:14,854
myself!

6
00:00:14,856 --> 00:00:16,441
I'm going on sabbatical.

7
00:00:16,466 --> 00:00:18,257
So what are we gonna be building?

8
00:00:18,259 --> 00:00:19,363
Well, I don't know about you two,

9
00:00:19,388 --> 00:00:21,321
but I'll be building a new me.

10
00:00:21,930 --> 00:00:24,340

1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,519
Previously on Man with a Plan...

2
00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:06,106
This is such a fun way to celebrate

3
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,731
you guys finishing the mini-mall.

4
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:09,757
Hey, did Lisa say what
our next project is?

5
00:00:09,782 --> 00:00:10,453
Mm-mm.

6
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:13,670
The next project I
will be working on is...

7
00:00:13,672 --> 00:00:15,138
myself!

8
00:00:16,834 --> 00:00:18,395
We just lost our jobs.

9
00:00:18,420 --> 00:00:20,810
- What's the matter?
- I just got laid off.

10