Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage English Subtitles

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Mark Gungor
The Tale of Two Brains 
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Hello and welcome to
"Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage". 

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I am so glad you are here.

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This is the marriage seminar for people
who hate marriage seminars!

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I've got a kick out of watching the couples
when they first come in on Friday night.

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The girls are all lit up and just...

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"I got him here! 
I got him here! I got him here!"

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And the guys are going:
"Oh, man, I can't believe" 
you know "I got here!"

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Mark Gungor
The Tale of Two Brains 
2/2

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Thank you!

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Alright!
Men's brains - women's brains.

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Women's brains think:
"Give! Give! Give! Give!"

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They just love to give.
They are happiest when they are giving.

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You get a bunch of women together
and they are giving to each other:

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"I love your hair! I love your shoes!
I love your outfit!"

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They just love it!
Men's brains are a little different.

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Mark Gungor
Yo Mama Session 
1/2

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OK, now we're gonna do 
"The Yo Mama session":

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"The No.1 key to incredible sex"

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And I just wanna set this up 
a little bit for you guys
so you can kinda understand 
where I'm coming from

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In addition to some of the things 
that I do being a minister,
and a relationship speaker, and a musician...

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... and whatever...
I'm also a pilot.

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If I were to tryin' tell you 
how to go from my home airport 
in Stevens Point, Wisconsin,

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Mark Gungor
Yo Mama Session 
2/2

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All ready! Here we go!

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The No.1 key to incredible sex:

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Exclusivity.
I can't spell.

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Exclusivity. When one man
focuses just on one woman.

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Looking at the Song of Solomon.

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Now she writes and says: 
"I belong to my lover
and his desire is for me."

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Something incredible happens 
when a man focuses on just one woman.

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Mark Gungor
How to Stay Married and Not Kill Anybody
1/2

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I like you people!

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Alright, final session!

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How to stay married,
(and not KILL your Spouse)

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Alright? We're gonna take a look
at what it takes to do that...

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But before we do
I wanna take you to heaven
I`ll put you on the committee.

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And we're gonna go back
4000 years in time

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to the time of king David.

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Mark Gungor
How to Stay Married and Not Kill Anybody 
2/2

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It is our differences
that attract us to each other.

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And than they drive us crazy!

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In a lot of the struggle
that happens in relationships is fundamentally
trying to get you to be like me:

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"Why can't you be like me?"

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"Why can't you be more like me?"

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"Why can't you think and act
and respond like me?!"

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Because, he ain't you.

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Is there such a thing as a soulmate?

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Well,... no... not really...

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I know that really goes against
our thinking today.

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We have such an over-romanticized
concept of marriage...

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...that there's that special 
super perfect person out there

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and if I could just find that super perfect
person, I'll be happy.

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And everybody is running around
trying to find, you know, that one person.

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And you see it in all the movies,
particularly the chick-flicks,

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The reason people are expecting
marriage to be easy is because

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of this ridiculous thinking
of a soulmate.

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The concept is: if you'll find
the right person, then it's easy.

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Then they'll automatically
know, what you need in life 
and you'll be on the same "cosmic"

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wave length meeting each
other's needs.

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Which is just ridiculous.

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If you want someone to meet your needs, 
you need to communicate 
those needs to someone.

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Don't sit around thinking: 
"If he really loved me"

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Is it OK to have expectations in marriage?

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Sure, that's only normal.

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That's natural.

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Nobody comes to the altar thinking:

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"Gee, I hope we'll have
an average life!"

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Nobody comes to the altar thinking:

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"Gee, I hope we fail!"

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I mean, everybody comes
with the highest expectations.

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And that's fine.

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Yeah, if you're going to marriage thinking

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that marriage is a 50:50 proposition

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you'll fail.

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You'll absolutely fail.

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Marriage is 100% : 100% proposition.

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If you're going tryin' to think:

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"Well, I'm going to give half,"

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and wait for the other person to
give half back.

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And, you know, who sets that measurement?

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Where do you draw the line?

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Do I

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really have to talk to my spouse

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about things

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that do not interest me?

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Yes!

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Of course you do!

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That's just common courtesy.

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If someone starts

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talking to you

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in any discussion anywhere

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Why is communicating so hard
now that we're married

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when before we've got married

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there were no communication problems?

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Well, because

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when you were dating

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that wasn't real life.
I mean, dating is the biggest

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bogus part of life!

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I mean, everybody's

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telling everybody
what they wanna hear,

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Why can't my spouse just
say what they mean?

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Because very few people

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speak only after they've

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completely thought through

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what they wanted to say.

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I mean, that's part of communication.

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You start talking, you don't
really know what you want to say.

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You don't really know
how you feel about things.

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Again,

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If you have a spouse who

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never talks.

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Well, yeah, you have

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a communication problem, I can't fix that.

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They need to be realistic.

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They need to talk. They need to open up.

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Now, they may not want to talk,

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they may not want to open up.

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You might need to just
talk about

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the not talking and find out

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When I tell women

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that they need to take from a man

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that it's not like hold out your hand

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and take it like they're giving it to you.

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I mean, "plunge your hand"

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"into their chest and rip out their heart" 
take.

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I mean, you've got to go get it.

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They're not going to give it to you.

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Don't be shocked

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that you actually have to go

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The big question I get is:
"Wait a minute, I tried that

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I asked more than once,
I asked the right way ...
He still wouldn't do it!"

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Look, this is not rocket science

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It is not a guaranteed formula

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for success every time

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This is a pattern

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of how you deal with a man

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Don't try it out once

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to see if it works or not, because

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If you've asked the man a lots of times

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to do something and even after 15 years

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he still doesn't put away his laundry

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and "shouldn't he know by now?"

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I don't know, I suppose

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if he doesn't, what are you gonna do?

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Sit and you're gonna be miserable?

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What's your alternative? That's the thing

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Women keep throwing

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"What about this, what about that?"
trying to shoot my theory down

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How can I get my husband to be like

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everybody else's husbands?

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They're so nice and kind, and considerate

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First of all, you don't know

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what's goin' on in that other house

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And you don't know

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what those house's businesses are really like

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I have come to experience

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that some of the worst marriages

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are some of the ones 
that look the prettiest on the outside

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Do spouses

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need to do the same things together 
all the time?

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No, they don't.

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I mean you should try find
some things

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that you like to do together.

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You know, some activities,
I think, but

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and each couple will be different.

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Some couples do a lot of things together,

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other couples hardly do anything together
 and they're completely happy.

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It is vitally important

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that women not tryin'

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analyze

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the intention of their husbands' 
hearts all the time.

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And again they're
very quick to do that.

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It's not good enough that
they did something, they want to know

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"Why did he do it?"

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"What was he thinking?"

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"What was he feeling? Lalalalalala"

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Self-image

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is very important.

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And in my seminar
I have a lot of fun

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at the women's expense on the

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you know, 
"I'm too fat, I'm too oily, I'm too greasy"
and that whole thing.

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But let me say something

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to the guys about self-image.

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It's very important that you

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help create a positive self-image

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Probably the biggest

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baloney excuse men

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cough up to why they ignore

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their wife and children

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is because

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"I'm doing this for US."

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"I'm going to work..."

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"...for the next five years and
ignore you entirely, because..."

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"...I'm doing this for us!"

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"And I've got to put all

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When I talk about sex to couples

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I'm very careful to point out that

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one of the things that can
mess it up for you

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is if you've been very
sexually active

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before you get married.

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And I talk about some of the damage and

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stuff that can result

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from being sexually promiscuous
before marriage.

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But I want to stress that
it's not

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Can the effects of excessive

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pornography and masturbation
and all that sort of thing,

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can these things be reversed?

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Yes.

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But it's really hard.

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It's really hard.

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But yes, you can reverse
these things.

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And you're gonna have to go
cold turkey,

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you're gonna have to
really even retrain your body.

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I think teenagers should

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hear my whole sex talk.

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I think teenagers should

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hear my whole seminar
quite frankly.

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There's nothing I'm gonna say

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that most of them haven't
heard in spades.

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Every once a while I ran into 
an adult who gets

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freaky because I say something like

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"masturbate" or something

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What about masturbating if we're
separated for long periods of time?

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Well, two things I want to underscore:

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First of all,

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why are you separated for a long
periods of time?

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If you've got a job that requires
you to be separate from your family

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for a long periods of time,

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you need to reevaluate

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your job.

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Now, of course, if you're in the military,
and they're sending you into a war zone 
or some place, 

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A lot of people will ask me:

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"Well, how can you not talk about healing?"

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"You know, that God can heal you"

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"from sexual damage?"

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Well, I believe God

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can heal anybody

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from anything.

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I have no problem with that.

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But I think, sometimes, we're little bit

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too quick to just tell people:

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In my seminar I talk about this whole idea of

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"The Initiator".

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Who initiates sex?

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This is one of the biggest fights couples have

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and struggles couples have and

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as I said in my seminar

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I cannot emphasize it enough:

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Who cares?

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It doesn't matter

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who instigates it.

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If you have a husband

2
00:00:02,339 --> 00:00:04,885
who never pays attention to you

3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:10,957
and the only time he pays attention to you
is when he wants to have sex,

4
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:12,883
this is not a good thing.

5
00:00:13,003 --> 00:00:15,421
You need to start 
standing your ground a little bit

6
00:00:15,541 --> 00:00:17,896
in getting this man involved in your life.

7
00:00:18,016 --> 00:00:19,273
I talk about this

8
00:00:19,393 --> 00:00:20,842
when I talk to women about

9
00:00:20,962 --> 00:00:24,656
the whole idea of give and take, 
about the idea of, you know,

10

1
00:00:00,421 --> 00:00:02,628
Do I think it's OK to use sex

2
00:00:02,748 --> 00:00:04,758
to get what you want?

3
00:00:04,878 --> 00:00:07,227
It's kind of a loaded question.

4
00:00:07,347 --> 00:00:10,140
I mean, the reality is,

5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,296
it is OK to use

6
00:00:12,416 --> 00:00:14,492
everything to get what you want,

7
00:00:14,612 --> 00:00:15,947
I mean, that's what the relationship is

8
00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:17,914
give and take.

9
00:00:18,034 --> 00:00:19,368
It's all part of this.

10
00:00:19,488 --> 00:00:20,733
If you think

1
00:00:00,612 --> 00:00:03,112
You know there's a cause and effect
in everything in life.

2
00:00:03,232 --> 00:00:06,365
And relationships are equally as true.

3
00:00:06,485 --> 00:00:10,446
You only get something because
something happens.

4
00:00:10,566 --> 00:00:12,436
If you go to work

5
00:00:12,556 --> 00:00:13,894
that's why you get a paycheck.

6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,634
You don't just show up and get a paycheck.

7
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,126
You have to work for it.

8
00:00:17,246 --> 00:00:18,210
There's a cause and effect.

9
00:00:18,330 --> 00:00:20,736
Sadly, we're living in a...

10
00:00:20,856 --> 00:00:24,887

1
00:00:00,217 --> 00:00:01,913
Sometimes someone will ask:

2
00:00:02,033 --> 00:00:05,497
"What do I do when my husband 
wants sex all the time?"

3
00:00:05,617 --> 00:00:07,645
Well, if he literally wants sex
all the time,

4
00:00:07,765 --> 00:00:09,490
there's something wrong with him

5
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:12,462
and you might wanna go check that out 
with the doctors.

6
00:00:12,582 --> 00:00:14,244
But I think what they mean is:

7
00:00:14,364 --> 00:00:17,381
"Why is he constantly coming back for sex?"

8
00:00:17,501 --> 00:00:19,575
Because sex is an appetite.

9
00:00:19,695 --> 00:00:21,097
It always comes back.

10

1
00:00:00,523 --> 00:00:02,054
Sometimes people will complain that

2
00:00:02,174 --> 00:00:03,878
they don't think their husband

3
00:00:03,998 --> 00:00:05,548
turns them on enough or

4
00:00:05,893 --> 00:00:09,455
wife turns them on enough.

5
00:00:09,575 --> 00:00:11,662
I'm not sure exactly what they mean by that.

6
00:00:11,782 --> 00:00:14,225
There could be lots of reasons for that.

7
00:00:14,345 --> 00:00:16,241
It could be the result of pornography.

8
00:00:16,361 --> 00:00:18,978
Pornography makes real sex unrealistic

9
00:00:19,231 --> 00:00:23,289
and it can ruin it for you.

10
00:00:23,409 --> 00:00:25,270
There might be something physically wrong.

1
00:00:00,370 --> 00:00:02,487
Now, some people ask me:

2
00:00:02,607 --> 00:00:07,015
"What do I do if sex gets boring?"

3
00:00:10,146 --> 00:00:13,897
Well, first of all, sex is boring to you?

4
00:00:14,017 --> 00:00:16,198
Isn't that a little odd?

5
00:00:16,318 --> 00:00:17,867
I mean, we're saying "sex".

6
00:00:17,987 --> 00:00:21,762
If you say "sex" and "boring" 
in the same context,

7
00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:25,518
something's probably not right.

8
00:00:25,638 --> 00:00:27,130
And you need to pursue that.

9
00:00:27,250 --> 00:00:29,948
Now a lot of people use that 
in the context of

10
00:00:30,068 --> 00:00:32,164

1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,278
I end my seminars with this idea 
of a "reset button"

2
00:00:04,313 --> 00:00:08,990
and I have couples stand up 
and apologize to each other.

3
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,610
And often times couples will ask me:

4
00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:15,520
"How can I keep that going?"

5
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:18,234
Well, the only way 
you can really keep it going

6
00:00:18,354 --> 00:00:20,677
is to learn to say

7
00:00:20,797 --> 00:00:22,395
"I'm sorry."

8
00:00:22,515 --> 00:00:27,050
What's amazing is 
that a lot of these couples 
when they're repating 
what I'm telling them to repeat

9
00:00:27,063 --> 00:00:30,098