Joey - First Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,751
Where am I taking you?

2
00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:14,797
Oh, right, yeah...
I got it here someplace.

3
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,842
It's my sister's place.

4
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,714
She was supposed to pick me up,

5
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:21,630
but she's kind of
not all there, you know?

6
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:28,158
The address?

7
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,681
Right, right, right.

8
00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:30,943
So, you're visiting family?

9
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:32,423
No, I'm an actor.

10
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,774

1
00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:12,360
Aw...

2
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:13,709
Ooh.

3
00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:23,762
Disgusting... or wonderful?

4
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,202
Hey.

5
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,899
Morning, roomie.

6
00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:32,206
So... tell me
about last night.

7
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:33,816
What about it?

8
00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:36,210
I heard a girl's voice
coming from your bedroom.

9
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:39,039
Oh. Uh... Yeah, I don't really
want to talk about that.

10

1
00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:05,005
And strike three!

2
00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:06,615
So unrealistic!
Derek Jeter

3
00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:10,053
Doesn't strike out on three
curve balls in a row.

4
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:16,451
The laws of physics suggest that the
curve ball is actually impossible?

5
00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:18,583
Huh? "The curve ball's
impossible."

6
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:20,846
"Don't eat that,
it's solid mold."

7
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:24,459
"That's not a dog, it's a possum.
Stop letting it lick your face." Why?

8
00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:27,157
Okay, I gotta get to school.

9
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:32,728

1
00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:05,614
Hey, Mi...

2
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:07,137
Are you studying again?

3
00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:09,661
Do you realize how depressing
that is to come home to?

4
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:13,274
As depressing as coming home
to an empty lasagna tray?

5
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:16,407
Touche, Michael.

6
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:19,802
Just a reminder of the fact that
I've no social life out here.

7
00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:21,325
Having the worst dry spell ever.

8
00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:24,111
My dry spell's lasted 20 years,
but go on.

9
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,417
In New York,
if you see a pretty girl,

1
00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:06,484
Hey.
Hey.

2
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:07,833
I need a drink!

3
00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:10,053
You sound just like Dad.

4
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,881
Dad didn't drink.

5
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:16,494
Oh, no, no, I know, but your
voice is deep like a man's.

6
00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:18,844
You want a beer?

7
00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:20,890
No. I have an
audition in an hour

8
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,152
with this great theater company,

9
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,024
and I have to memorize
a monologue

1
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:07,181
Do I smell Mom's special
chicken noodle soup?

2
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:08,530
That's right.

3
00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:11,533
Box of Lipton's
and a cut-up hot dog.

4
00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:13,622
Man, that woman can cook!

5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,538
What are you so happy about?

6
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:18,409
It's Michael... he's sick.

7
00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:20,237
And that's a good thing?

8
00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:22,065
Yeah, a sick boy needs
his mother.

9
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,327
I'm necessary again.

10

1
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:10,967
Huh? I'm getting pretty good
at this parallel parking.

2
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:14,666
It's not what this is, but okay.

3
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:19,802
You know, it was fun
sightseeing with you.

4
00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:21,847
How'd you know where all those
celebrities lived?

5
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:25,547
I've done some light stalking
in my day.

6
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,505
Ugh, look at this poor guy.

7
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:29,290
He's got ten tickets and a boot.

8
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,857
I've seen this car.
It's been here for a month.

9
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,511
Who leaves their car like this?

1
00:00:02,959 --> 00:00:04,395
Hey, honey.

2
00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:06,180
I found your stuff
in your closet.

3
00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:08,704
You must have forgotten it
in your big boy move.

4
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:12,403
- What do you got there?
- I think... Oh.

5
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:14,971
Wow, look at all the trophies.

6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,929
Had no idea
you were into sports.

7
00:00:16,973 --> 00:00:18,453
Michael into sports?

8
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:20,846
Those are all "Academic
Decathlon" trophies.

9
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:24,024
Yeah. They're actually

1
00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:06,658
Joey's not back from his date?

2
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,399
No. I can't believe

3
00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:10,967
Donna's telling him her husband
wants to get back together.

4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:15,102
He's gonna be crushed, so we
have to be here to help him. Oh, of course.

5
00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:19,367
It's weird for me to think of him as vulnerable.
He's like a superhero to me.

6
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:23,284
And not just because he always puts
on a cape and jumps down the stairs.

7
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:26,461
Hey, how was your date?

8
00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:28,115
So great.

9
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:31,248
So, you didn't talk
about anything? Oh, we talked

1
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:07,224
Geez, Gina,

2
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:10,053
I can smell your perfume
from the top of the stairs.

3
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,142
I'm not wearing any perfume.

4
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:18,975
The, uh, the bottle
said "unisex."

5
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,672
How are you this morning?

6
00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:23,197
I don't know. I'm a little
frustrated about my career.

7
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,547
I came out here
a couple of months ago

8
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:28,332
with all these goals and I
haven't achieved any of them.

9
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:29,986
Like what?

1
00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:05,266
Hey, Michael,

2
00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:07,050
who was that girl last night?

3
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,878
I wasn't with a girl.

4
00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:11,924
No, the one I brought home.
I can never remember her name.

5
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:22,935
There he is: the star
of the new show, Deep Powder.

6
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,981
Bobbie, hi.
Come on in.

7
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,069
Wow!

8
00:00:26,113 --> 00:00:27,984
What are you doing here?

9
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,553
How would you like to go to Las
Vegas and be a celebrity judge?

1
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:06,397
Joey, it's late.

2
00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:08,051
What is the tenant emergency?

3
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,487
I swear, it's important.

4
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,576
It is so warm in L.A.,

5
00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:15,145
that I am not feeling
the Christmas spirit!

6
00:00:15,189 --> 00:00:18,627
Okay, my beeper is
for emergencies, okay?

7
00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:20,716
It is not for talking
about the holidays,

8
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,761
or for when you're
in the hot tub

9
00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:24,067
and can't reach a towel.

1
00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:05,570
Okay. Lasagna looks good.

2
00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:08,660
Oh, I cannot wait, huh, Michael?

3
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,272
Eh.

4
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:13,056
I don't get that excited
about food.

5
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,885
If I'd take a pill
instead of eating, I'd be happy.

6
00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,974
If they make that,
I get your food.

7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,367
Then I get your pill.

8
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:22,283
Yeah, you just try to take it.

9
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,024
Hi, guys. Hey, Alex.

10

1
00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:03,133
Okay, guys, family meeting.

2
00:00:03,177 --> 00:00:05,309
Aw. You think
of me as family?

3
00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,094
Oh, hey, Alex,
didn't see you there.

4
00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:09,226
Um, as you all know,

5
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:12,229
my new show Deep Powder
is premiering next week...

6
00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:15,015
My official unveiling
as a big-time celebrity...

7
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:18,453
And someone gets to come with
me to the party as my guest.

8
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:21,369
Just one of us? Unfortunately, this
is an exclusive event.

9
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:24,459

1
00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:08,486
Hey. Oh, look who's here
an hour and a half late.

2
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,097
I'm so sorry, Bobbie.

3
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:12,664
What's gotten into you?
You're late all the time.

4
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:16,538
Last night you missed the
benefit with the lingerie models.

5
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:20,672
Did they raise a lot of money? Will
those girls get the help they need?

6
00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:23,327
You are very erratic lately.

7
00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,634
Are you doing
some new designer drug

8
00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:28,115
that you might have
on your person?

9
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:31,292

1
00:00:02,828 --> 00:00:04,352
Hang on, Lizzy!

2
00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:06,789
I can't walk!
It's too hard!

3
00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,965
Then I'll carry you
off this mountain.

4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,838
I'll carry you for as long
as it takes to get you home.

5
00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,057
Cut!

6
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,974
Man, how heavy is that kid?

7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,020
What, does she got weights
in her pockets?

8
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,630
We'll finish this
after lunch, people.

9
00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:25,286
Okay. Have a nice lunch.

1
00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:03,568
That's it.
Oh, perfect.

2
00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:06,093
These photos are going to look
great in People Magazine.

3
00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:08,356
Let's see your good side.

4
00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:10,749
Oh, God, no, go back!

5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,143
That's it, yeah.

6
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,666
We got it.Alright.

7
00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:17,800
Wow, People Magazine!

8
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:20,237
My mom is going
to be so excited.

9
00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:23,675
If you get me into Playboy
with an Asian girl on the cover,

1
00:00:02,611 --> 00:00:04,830
You're probably wondering why
I'm getting a gift basket.

2
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:06,615
Not really.

3
00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:09,270
I was nominated
for a Daytime Soap Award...

4
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,923
again.

5
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,186
That's great.

6
00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:14,492
You're right,
it is weird, you know?

7
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:18,366
'Cause now I'm on primetime,
but I'm nominated for my work

8
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:20,020
on Days of Our Lives.

9
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:23,023
I'm up for "Best Death Scene".

1
00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:04,352
Alright, so, here's
your schedule for today.

2
00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:07,007
Listen, you got a letter from a
fan with a naked picture in it.

3
00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:09,487
I'm gonna need to see that.

4
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,359
I pre-screened this one.
It's pretty rough.

5
00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:14,144
Glen, if a fan of mine
went to the trouble to...

6
00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:17,626
Whoa-hah!

7
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,019
Wow, he's hairy.

8
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:21,891
Hey. JOEY:
Hey.

9
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:22,935
Hey, sexy.

1
00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:04,091
Joey, get out here.

2
00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:06,397
Beautiful women coming out
that apartment for an hour.

3
00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:08,182
- An hour?
- Why didn't you get me?

4
00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:10,010
I was stuck in the hot tub!

5
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:12,012
I didn't want them
to see my legs!

6
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,065
Well, hello there, gorgeous.

7
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:24,067
I don't have chicken legs!

8
00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:33,033
This is like a dream.

9
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,295
Pinch me.

10

1
00:00:02,698 --> 00:00:03,960
Hey, guys.Hey.

2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,483
So, today's the day.

3
00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:07,050
Eric's moving out.

4
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:09,444
Wow.
Are you okay? Yeah, actually.

5
00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:10,749
The separation thing is good.

6
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,273
What does this mean?

7
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:14,057
Are you guys gonna
date other people?

8
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,103
Ooh, I got a great guy for you...

9
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:19,062
E.J. He's a security
guard at work.

10

1
00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:04,004
Guys... Good, you're up.
You can settle this.

2
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,006
Who is the bigger
pain in the ass?

3
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,008
No time.
I gotta big problem.

4
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,096
Just pick one.

5
00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:11,402
Fine... Gina, youare.

6
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:13,143
Told you!

7
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,971
Okay, can you listen
to me, please?

8
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,625
You remember how Alex
was upstairs

9
00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:18,453
spying on her husband

1
00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:04,047
Hey.
Hey.

2
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,570
Where's Michael?
He up yet?

3
00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:07,616
No. He got home
really late last night.

4
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,400
That's, like, the
third time this week.

5
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:11,881
I think he might
have a girlfriend.

6
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:16,755
Oh...

7
00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:18,148
I'm not a good mother.

8
00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:22,544
Well, look, I'm serious.
It's not impossible.

9
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:24,372

1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,874
Hey, how did it go with Sara?

2
00:00:04,917 --> 00:00:06,180
Tell her you love her?

3
00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:08,399
Uh-huh. Then I asked her
to move in!

4
00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:09,444
What?

5
00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:11,837
Surprised? Me, too!

6
00:00:11,881 --> 00:00:13,056
What about me?

7
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,406
Just... if she moves in,
where do I go?

8
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,191
I can't move
back with my mother.

9
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,583
That's true. He can't.

10