How I Met Your Mother - Third Season English Subtitles

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Kids, there more than one story
of how I met your mother.

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You know the short version, the thing
with your mom's yellow umbrella.

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But there's a bigger story.

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The story of how I became who I had
to become before I could meet her.

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And that story begins,
here.

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...dary!

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Legendary!

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Dude, I am so excited
that you're single again.

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We are going to conquer

1
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So, being married different
not different?

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It's the same. Mostly.

3
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Except I think I might be
getting carpal tunnel.

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My hand keeps cramping up.

5
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I thought the whole point of getting married
was that you didn't have to do that anymore.

6
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No, it's from writing
all the thank you notes.

7
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Mostly.

8
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Yeah.
You're writing constantly.

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00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,900
There's forms we have to sign,

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Kids, I know you think
that you've heard every story

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from back before I met
your mother,

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but there are
some stories you tell

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and some stories you don't.

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Oh, my God!...
Oh, my God...

6
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- Use your words, Ted.
- Okay.

7
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Barney,

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- I'm about to go for the belt.
- The belt?

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00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:18,800

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It was Saturday night
in New York City,

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and the young metropolit
was out on the town,

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living the kind of crazy lifestyle
you can only find in the Big Apple.

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- 97.
- 97.

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- 98.
- 98.

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- 99.
- 99.

7
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100!

8
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A hundred? We only got to 82
on our honeymoon.

9

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Kids, back on the falls of 2007

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I was dating the girl named...

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Oh God, what was her name?

4
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It's been 23 years,
I can't remember all this stuff.

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For the sake of the story,
let's call her...

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Everyone, this is Blahblah.

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Please, call me Blah.

8
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So, Blah, how did you two meet?

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Well, I was taking this
cooking class,

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It was a quiet November
afternoon in 2007.

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I was working from home,
because, you know, no distractions.

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- This is incredible! I have big news.
- Oh, my God! I can't believe it!

4
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- I have big news.
- Oh, my God!

5
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Okay, my thing's pretty huge.
But fine, you can go first.

6
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Okay, I just found out...

7
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I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!

8
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What are you...
what are talking about?

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Kids, everybody makes mistakes.

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Take this girl Meg for instance.

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She made a mistake,

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a mistake named Barney.

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Yeah, I thought I was gonna get
married to my last boyfriend but,

6
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boy, did that guy
have commitment issues.

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That whole relationship...

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that's three weeks of my
life I'll never get back.

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Well, I love commitment.

10

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Kids, the early bloom of a romance
is a wonderful thing.

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You meet someone,
you have a connection,

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and that person becomes
sheer perfection in your eyes.

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You just can't find
anything wrong with them.

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And you can't wait to tell
the world about it.

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She convinced you
to go jogging?

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Wow, you really want to get
in this girl's pants.

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I'm telling you,
you guys are gonna love her.

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Back when we were dating
Robin and I have this running joke.

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We were the only two people in
the world who found it funny.

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No way.
March does not have 31 days.

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Yes, it does.
Everyone knows that.

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It's like general knowledge.

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- General Knowledge.
- General Knowledge.

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And we did it all the time.

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Isn't it sad?
I mean in 2007,

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Kids, back to 2007,

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it seems like everyone belonged
to these silly things called gyms.

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The idea was you'd pay them lots of money
to run around and lift heavy things.

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Biggest rip-off in the world.
And yet people fell for it.

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Including me.

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Oh, hum, forgot my wallet.

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It started with one
of those moments

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when you realize you're not
as in shape as you want to be.

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That's further than

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Oh, my God!

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I have a tattoo.

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Oh, that's not a tattoo.

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That, dear boy,
is a tramp stamp.

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A tramp stamp.

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Kids, too often in life,

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we make decisions that we're
not prepared to live with.

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This is a story
about those decisions,

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and the consequences
that follow.

1
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But by 2008, we'd all had enough.

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Well, most of us.

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Who wants to kiss
The Barney Stone?

4
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- Look, it's the Riddler.
- That's not the Riddler.

5
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That's Gumby.

6
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Hey, Gumby, can we tie you
in a knot later?

7
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Hey, NBA player sidelined
by a knee injury?

8
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All right, laugh all you want,

9
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,500
but this is my lucky
St. Patty's Day suit.

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Kids, sometimes in life you see someone
and you just instantly know

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this is the person for you.

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It can happen anywhere.

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Even the waiting room
of a tattoo removal clinic.

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And that's what happened
when I met...

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...Stella.

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Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp.

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My bread and butter.

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00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,300
So I'm guessing that the real story
involves a bad breakup and some booze.

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Kids, back when we were younger,

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your uncle Marshall and I
were really into college basketball.

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Every year, March Madness would
take over the entire apartment.

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- Hey. What's with the blackboard?
- It's our NCAA bracket.

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Big board equals big luck!

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Hey, that looks familiar.
Where did you get it?

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Hello.

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I'm looking for my wife, Ms. Aldrin.

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There's no school today.
It's Saturday.

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Kids, the spring of 2008
was a pretty great time for me.

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Stella and I
had started dating,

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and I'd just gotten
a big raise at work,

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so I decided
to purchase something

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I knew it would be
the envy of all my friends.

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A new car!

7
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Ted, this is New York City,
you're never gonna drive it.

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This is a really,
really stupid purchase,

9

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Now kids, when aunt Robin
was a teenager,

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she was, well,

3
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a Canadian pop star.

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But by 2008, she was
an entirely different person...

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Coming up next:
Is your baby trying to kill you?

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...which made the events of that week
all the more surprising.

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So, I go in this morning and,
brr, it's freezing!

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So I walk over there, and
I don't know why I'm still talking,

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00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,200

1
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Well, kids, here we are.

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We've arrived.
My 30th birthday.

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The long-awaited story of...

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...the goat.

5
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That week started
just like any other.

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Barney woke up
in some girl's bed.

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In my experience,
the way this normally goes is,

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we lie here for a while,

9
00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:24,500
make a little awkward chitchat.

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Now, kids, the spring of 2008 was a
complicated time in your old man's life.

2
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The last time I had seen Barney
was shortly after I found out

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he had spent
the night with Robin.

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Are you saying you don't want
to be bros anymore?

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I'm saying I don't want
to be friends anymore.

6
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It's Barney.

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Dude, seriously,
you need to stop calling me.

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Ted, I'm sorry
I haven't returned your calls.

9

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Kids, in the spring of 2008,

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something kinda strange had been
happening to your Uncle Barney.

3
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He'd be doing
great with a woman...

4
00:00:07,203 --> 00:00:09,620
So I throw the pressurized
oxygen tank in his mouth,

5
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I shoot the tank, boom!
No more shark.

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Mr. Holland and I
swim back to shore.

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Let me freshen your drink.

8
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He'd only be gone a few moments,
but when he returned...

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1
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Kids, this is the story of the
cab ride that changed my life.

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I know it sounds crazy,

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00:00:08,857 --> 00:00:10,829
but for all I know my life
would be very different

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if I had taken, say...

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that cab.

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00:00:15,747 --> 00:00:17,167
Or that cab.

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God knows what would have happened
if I had gotten into that cab.

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I took this cab.

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And it changed my whole life.

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