How I Met Your Mother - Seventh Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,109
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, if there's one
big theme to this story--

2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,238
and I swear,
we're totally, almost,

3
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:09,314
not really all that close
to the end-- it's timing.

4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,353
Timing is everything.
For example,

5
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,549
I never would've met your mother
if it weren't for a wedding--

6
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:16,421
the last wedding
I ever thought I'd be at.

7
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,188
- What do you think of this tie?
- Oh, thank God.

8
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,091
Barney Stinson needs you
right before his wedding,

1
00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:04,435
Oh, God. Guys,
I'm still really hungover.

2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:07,905
- Did I really ruin a wedding?
- No, you didn't ruin a wedding.

3
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,435
Just the reception.

4
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,410
And the bar mitzvah
next door.

5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,509
And my dress.
And your dress.

6
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,351
You put on a dress
at one point.

7
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,886
Okay. You know what?
That's it.

8
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:22,261
I'm about to be a dad,
and I want to be the kind of man
that my child can look up to.

1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:02,469
Hey.

2
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:04,866
What do you guys think
of my new ducky tie?

3
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,308
Pretty cute, right?

4
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,244
And not that much more expensive
than a regular tie.

5
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,979
- Hmm.
- A ducky tie?

6
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:15,815
Bro, why do you do this when
you know I must slam you for it?

7
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,493
You guys might
wanna look away 'cause
this ain't gonna be pretty.

8
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,517
You ready?

9
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,759

1
00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:04,872
I can't believe
I'm talking to a therapist.

2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:10,008
Well, usually,
I'm not the touchy-feely,
"talk about your emotions" type.

3
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:12,378
But with this,

4
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:16,776
I just had to be
a big enough person
to admit that I need help.

5
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:20,320
Huh. I guess this is
what growing up feels like.

6
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:23,118
This is court-mandated
therapy.

7
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:25,194
You assaulted a woman.

8
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,929
Oh--
[ Chuckling ]

1
00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:03,235
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, in October 2011,

2
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:05,174
your Aunt Robin
was in therapy.

3
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:08,339
And against all logic,
it was actually going well.

4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:12,479
But why?
Why am I constantly looking
for reasons not to be happy?

5
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:17,186
Maybe because the idea
of finally being happy
terrifies you.

6
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:20,421
Bro, you are
killin' it today.

7
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:22,789
Pssh!
Pssh!

8
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,456
We got something good here.

1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,902
[ Ted Narrating ]
By the fall of 2011,

2
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technology had taken
a lot of the intrigue
out of life.

3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:08,443
[ Beeping ]

4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,809
The Internet had everyone's
wall of information.

5
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:12,948
[ Beeping ]

6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,283
Nothing was a mystery anymore.

7
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,719
But, kids, there was
a time before that,

8
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,318
way back in the dark ages--

9
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,530
Are you people--

1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:03,539
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, in the fall of 2011,

2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,744
all of my friends
were in relationships.

3
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:10,236
So when Barney's brother, James,
came to visit, it created
a slight logistical problem.

4
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:15,016
We're gonna need
a bigger booth.

5
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,623
I'm gonna go
to the loo.

6
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,154
I don't actually have to go.
I just want a seat
all to myself.

7
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,690
[ Marshall Murmurs ]

8
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:27,100
So would anyone care to ask me
where Nora and I

1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,172
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, for years
your Uncle Barney...

2
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:05,774
had reveled in mocking
Aunt Robin's heritage.

3
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:10,206
To have to grow up in Canada--
with America right there.

4
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,554
It's like an entire country
without a tailor.

5
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:16,480
Why? Why do we let you
be a country?

6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,817
But all that
was about to change.

7
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,962
Guys, I have a very important
announcement to make.

8
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:25,929
- I was on Facebook--
- Nobody cool

1
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,282
Psst! In here!

2
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,583
[ Panting ]

3
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,715
I'm safe.
Not quite.

4
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,550
[ Gasps ]
The amulet, please,
Mr. Stinson.

5
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,087
[ Sighs ]

6
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,786
[ Grunts ]
[ Groans ]

7
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,885
Why'd he--
[ Boy ]
Help!

8
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:29,327
Help!
The kid!

9

1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:02,995
[ Ticking Loudly ]

2
00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:04,741
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, Einstein was right.

3
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,505
Time moves
at different speeds.

4
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:09,214
To Barney, the previous night
raced by in a blur.

5
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,505
But then, all of a sudden,

6
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time stopped.

7
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,586
This might be
the worst thing
I've ever done.

8
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:18,951
Hey, now.

9
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,889
You weren't

1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,642
[ Ted Narrating ]
In the fall of 2011,

2
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Lily and Marshall
received a surprising gift
from Lily's grandparents--

3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,910
their house on Long Island.

4
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:11,745
Lily and Marshall
decided to sell it
for one simple reason.

5
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,382
It's Long Island.

6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:16,777
I don't wanna spend
my Saturday on Long Island.
I know, babe,

7
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,720
but the Realtor
staged the place
with fake furniture,

8
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:21,156
and she wants us

1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:05,872
[ Robin ] Kids,
have I ever told you the story
of how I met your father?

2
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:09,236
Well, I'll just skip ahead
to the moment I told him
I was pregnant.

3
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,175
[ Groans ]
What happened?

4
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,754
Did I pass out?

5
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,482
Not exactly.

6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,247
I'm pregnant.

7
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,556
Are you sure you're
not just getting fat?

8
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,692
[ Groans ]

9
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,657

1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,209
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, on New Year's Day, 2012,

2
00:00:04,272 --> 00:00:08,082
Uncle Marshall
took a trip to Minnesota
to see someone he truly missed.

3
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,180
Hey, Pop.

4
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,519
I can't believe
it's been a year.

5
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:23,155
I think the most
appropriate way
to honor your memory today...

6
00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,832
is to get blasted...

7
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,033
and watch
the Vikings make the Bears
their furry little bitches.

8
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,126
Go, Vikes!
Shh!

1
00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:04,410
Hey, guys.
Where are Marshall and Lily?

2
00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,412
Something terrible
happened.

3
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,314
Are they okay?
Are they in the hospital?

4
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,636
No.

5
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,650
Somewhere much...

6
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,452
much worse.

7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,784
Long Island! Tonight, we're
moving out there for good!

8
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,790
Yeah. Here are
your spare keys
to our new house.

9
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,823

1
00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,202
Dad, we need to talk.

2
00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,711
- Is it about the bees?
- Bees?

3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:08,513
We're throwing
a housewarming party
in two weeks.

4
00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,606
Oh.
It's gonna be
friends, neighbors.

5
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,878
Did he say--
Did he say bees?
Yeah.

6
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:16,346
Anyway,
Marshall's been working
very long hours lately,

7
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:20,217
so I have been planning
this whole party by myself,
and everything's in place--

8

1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,367
Sorry this
is taking so long.

2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,779
He kicked
for everybody else.

3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,241
It's hard
for the little guy
to perform under pressure.

4
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,351
"Top 10 things Marshall
said on his wedding night."

5
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,784
Whoa! It was small,
but I think
I felt something.

6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,849
"Top 10 things
Lily said on her
wedding night."

7
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,888
Stop laughing
at it, Lily.

8
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,793

1
00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:03,169
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, I'll never forget...

2
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,307
the first time
I told your mother I loved her.

3
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:07,543
It was a rainy day
in New York.

4
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,878
We'd just had a horrible lunch,
the movie we wanted to see
was sold out,

5
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:14,784
and I just looked at her
and said, "I love you."
[ No Audible Dialogue ]

6
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,718
It was a big deal for me.
I hadn't said that
to a girl since--

7
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,446
I love you, Robin.

8
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,292
I'm serious.

1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,042
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, 2012 started out
kind of crazy.

2
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,006
Barney met a girl
named Quinn.

3
00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:09,035
Kevin unproposed to Robin.

4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,580
- I told Robin--
- I love you, Robin.

5
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,415
When I asked if she
loved me back, she said--

6
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,152
No.

7
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,117
- Marshall told Robin--
- You gotta move out.

8
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,087
And Robin did.

9
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:33,031

1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,842
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, in the spring of 2012,

2
00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:05,143
your Uncle Barney went off
the grid for a couple weeks.

3
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:09,036
So I was relieved
when I got a text asking me
to come over to his place.

4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,780
Glad to hear from you, buddy.
I was worried something bad--
** [ Men Chanting: Dirge ]

5
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,576
happened... to you.

6
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,619
- Welcome, Brother.
- What is this?

7
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,416
Ted Evelyn Mosby,

8
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:23,488
you are about to be
sworn to secrecy...

1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,502
Chester,
you're not even dressed.

2
00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:05,771
The reservation
is in 15 minutes.
Shh!

3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:06,909
He's back.

4
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:09,014
Every night,
at exactly 8:00 p.m.,

5
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:13,307
the well-dressed
blond man appears.

6
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,281
Chuck and Joanne
are going to be waiting.

7
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,849
You don't understand.
Every night, he does this.

8
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,748
Every single night.

9

1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,906
So how's livin' alone?
You know, it's interesting.

2
00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,612
When I first moved
into my new apartment,
I was nervous.

3
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,676
For the first time
in my adult life,
I didn't have a roommate.

4
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,476
But then it hit me.

5
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:18,348
For the first time
in my adult life,
I didn't have a roommate!

6
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:25,092
If I want to walk around naked,
nobody cares.

7
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:28,159
If I want to leave
the laundry basket in
the middle of the living room,

8
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:30,699

1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,202
[ Ted Narrating ]
In May of 2012,

2
00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:06,041
Marshall and Lily
hosted a baby shower
in the apartment.

3
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:07,637
All their friends were there.

4
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,178
So, of course, I made sure
to show up exactly--

5
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,284
[ Knocking ]
three hours late.

6
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,676
Oh, no.

7
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,717
Am I late?
Little bit.

8
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:18,853
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I would have gotten here
earlier. It's just, um--

1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,372
[ Ted Narrating ] Kids,
when Aunt Lily went into labor,

2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,867
Marshall was somewhere
slightly inconvenient--

3
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,579
in Atlantic City
with Uncle Barney...

4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,082
and drunk to the point
of talking like Yoda.

5
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:14,645
[ Slurring ]
Baby come.
Papa gonna be am I.

6
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,715
Hospital must we get now.

7
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,594
There's, like,
a four-hour wait
at the valet stand.

8
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:22,193
Plus, we're in no shape
to drive, so a car's out.

1
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,673
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, this is the story...

2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,067
of a wedding day
that went horribly wrong.

3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:09,084
Ted, the bride
wants to see you.

4
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,414
Uncle Barney
was getting married.

5
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,478
How the hell
did we get there?

6
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,593
I love the name Marvin.

7
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,885
Marv.

8
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,026
Sounds like
a little middle-aged man.

9
00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:27,063