How I Met Your Mother - Ninth Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,139
NARRATOR:
Kids, Barney and Robin's
wedding turned out

2
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,506
to be a life-changing weekend
for all of us.

3
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,314
Well, not just us.

4
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,046
One ticket to Farhampton,
please.

5
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:15,922
NARRATOR:
But I'll get to that.

6
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,149
(horn honks)

7
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,545
Who are you honking at?
You.

8
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,517
You're going 40 in a 65.

9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,755

1
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,842
NARRATOR: That afternoon
at the Farhampton Inn,

2
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:09,414
Aunt Lily and I
tried to check in.

3
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,583
Are you chewing gum?

4
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:11,811
You never chew gum.

5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,745
You shouldn't chew gum
in here.

6
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:16,421
Nobody cares if
I chew gum, Ted.

7
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:17,490
Are you chewing gum?

8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,318
Yes, she is.
She's chewing gum.

9
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,653
Ooh, can I have a piece?

1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,873
ROBIN:
So, the hairdresser shows up

2
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,565
at 2:00 on Sunday.

3
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,037
Great, and while you do that,

4
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:09,206
I'll check in
on the ring bear.

5
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,153
I'm sorry.

6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:14,979
You're saying
"ring bearer," right?

7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,415
Ring bear.

8
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,090
Okay, look into my eyes and say,
"I promise that I'm not bringing

9
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,720
a dangerous wild animal
to our wedding."

1
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,514
NARRATOR:
Kids, it was two days

2
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,068
before Barney
and Robin's wedding,

3
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,507
and everything was going off
without a hitch.

4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:09,742
TED:
Ah.

5
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,147
Been waiting for the
perfect time for this,

6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,809
and, my friend,
that time is...

7
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,246
I saw you and Robin
at the carousel.

8
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:18,423
(bottle shatters)
Okay, there was
one slight hitch.

1
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,536
Ooh, Chicago!

2
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,084
There is this pizza place
called Gazzola's.

3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,509
It's fantastic.

4
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,713
It was closed down for a while,
but it just reopened.

5
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,575
I'm sure they got
a Godzilla's in New York.

6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:14,854
We're not stopping.

7
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,723
It's just pizza.

8
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,421
Just... pizza?

9
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,158
Let me tell you

10

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,473
TED:
Look at this,

2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,465
your wedding weekend.
I know.

3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,677
This close to finally
having sex again.

4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,239
It's been forever.

5
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,678
Oh, you and Robin
been abstaining?

6
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:12,982
Talking about you, Ted.

7
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,923
Now here's the deal:
every hookup

8
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,588
at a weekend wedding is decided
at Friday night drinks.

9
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:19,388

1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:04,206
NARRATOR: Kids, as you know,
Lily and Marshall had decided

2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,538
to move to Rome after
Barney and Robin's wedding.

3
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:07,814
We're going to Italy.

4
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,311
Si.

5
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,743
But without telling Lily,

6
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,148
Marshall had then accepted
a judgeship in New York.

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00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,681
Good luck with that...
Your Honor.

8
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,146
Until his always-helpful
road trip companion

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00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,846
(phone ringing)

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,143
NARRATOR: Kids,
Barney's mom had this blouse

2
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,212
that she absolutely loved,

3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,040
but then Robin won it
in a poker game,

4
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,136
which led
to some slight awkwardness.

5
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:13,878
You won the battle...
but I'll win the war.

6
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,884
Game on, bitch.

7
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:19,186
BARNEY: Please, Mom,
I need you to just be cool.

8
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,850
Okay, can you do that for me?

9
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:21,888
For you, yes.

1
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,810
TED: Your mom's not coming
to the wedding?

2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,408
Okay, seriously,
I-I need to stop crying

3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,880
Does anyone know how
to turn this off?

4
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,379
Is there, like, a button
or something?

5
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,081
Want me to feel
around for it?

6
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,853
It's probably
somewhere on your back.

7
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,151
Stop it.
What? I'm trying
to cheer you up.

8
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,194
I don't think that's possible
at this point.

1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:03,740
NARRATOR:
Two days before Barney
and Robin's wedding,

2
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,341
their reverend passed away,

3
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:07,343
and the search was on
for a replacement.

4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,405
(phone rings)
BARNEY:
Oh, boy, it's the creepy,

5
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:12,183
bug-eyed minister
from that culty church

6
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,523
who kept asking us
if we're "pure enough to die."

7
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,378
He's our best lead.
I should get this.

8
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:19,017
James, unless
you have a minister,

1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,570
NARRATOR: Marshall and Marvin
were taking the bus

2
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:07,175
on their way to Long Island
to meet up with us.

3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,578
(crying)
There, there,
little Marvin.

4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,179
Let no more
tears fall.

5
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:13,851
We're gonna see Mommy
in no time at all.

6
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,081
Hello there. I'm sorry
for all of the noise.

7
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,217
It's been a long day
for the Eriksen boys.

8
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,392
Uh... what's with the rhyming?

1
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:07,679
BARNEY:
"Let's get this party started."

2
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:10,540
Hey, can you
push the button?

3
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,348
Do not touch
that button.

4
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,380
Just give it a little push.
Don't push it.

5
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:15,475
Just push it a little.
Don't listen to him.

6
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,876
Half of it, halfway, halfway...
Don't even touch it.

7
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,387
Why can't I
push the button?

8
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,389
Because whenever Barney
sees a button-- any button--

1
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,373
NARRATOR:
Kids, when your
Uncle Marshall's bus broke down

2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,865
five miles away
from the Farhampton Inn,

3
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:07,136
he made a vow.

4
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:09,205
I can walk that far.

5
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:12,983
Yes. It was another
exciting installment of...

6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:19,193
* Marshall versus the machines

7
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,390
* Our hero starts his journey

8
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,822
* With steely-eyed resolve,
but let's *

9
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,887
* Skip ahead to later

1
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:07,212
("O Fortuna" playing)

2
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,912
("O Fortuna" playing)

3
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,880
NARRATOR:
Oh, sorry, kids.

4
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:44,249
I forgot to mention
there's a bit of a backstory

5
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:46,048
to this particular slap.

6
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,250
Oh, man.

7
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,881
Oh.

8
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:51,086
At least it landed
on the mustard stain.

9
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:53,749
Don't bother.
That suit is a stain.

1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:03,570
THE MOTHER:
Okay, it's over.

2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,044
TED:
Starting the clock now.

3
00:00:05,073 --> 00:00:06,143
(exhales)

4
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,244
(exhales)

5
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,375
Labor sucks, huh?
Yeah.

6
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,810
That fun-sounding name?

7
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,514
It's totally misleading.

8
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:13,546
(chuckles)

9
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:14,651
Better have this baby soon.

10

1
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,367
*

2
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,511
You're my best friend, Barney.

3
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:09,742
Good. Then, as your best friend,

4
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,377
I suggest we play a game
I like to call

5
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:12,812
Have You Met Ted?

6
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,046
What? Oh, my God.

7
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:15,652
I'm so stupid.

8
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,823
Stay there. I'm on my way.

9
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,250
* Say, man

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00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,346
* Don't walk ahead

1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,140
MAN:
Well, that party was a dud.

2
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,542
MAN 2: I think I struck out
with, like, 20 girls.

3
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,583
And...
my condom expired.

4
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:08,878
We are losers!

5
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,339
We've tried
everything.
(sighs)

6
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,008
We're covered
in Drakkar,

7
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,146
I've got fresh
new white socks,

8
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,981
and I thought our
mime work in there

1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,210
(cork pops)
Whoa, sorry, sorry.

2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,468
Oh, my God! You know that
there is gonna be champagne

3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,336
at this party, right?
I know, I know.

4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:08,905
But we're gonna get
there and it's gonna be

5
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,212
everyone congratulating
you on your book,

6
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,245
saying, "This is a revelation!

7
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,351
"You're gonna end
poverty in our time.

8
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:16,823
"This is the greatest book
anyone's ever written

9

1
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,053
Thank you for
bringing me here.

2
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:13,049
I am so glad we made
it. That snowstorm

3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,551
was getting really bad.

4
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:16,022
Wait, you think
this is a snowstorm?

5
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,820
This is nothing.
I'll tell you about a snowstorm.

6
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,892
It was winter break,
freshman year of college...

7
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,422
Marshall and I were
roommates, but we weren't

8
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:24,987
really good friends yet.
THE MOTHER: Wait, stop.

9

1
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,913
NARRATOR: It was the day
of Barney and Robin's wedding,

2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,308
and a surprise guest
had just arrived.

3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,710
ROBIN: Mom, I-I can't believe
you're here.

4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:09,812
How did you get here?

5
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,053
On a plane.

6
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:14,179
With your fear of flying?
What, did the plane drive here?

7
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,815
(laughs)
I've made enormous strides

8
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,920
since you last saw me, dear.

9
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,852
This is nice.

1
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,036
TED:
Hi.

2
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:12,708
Hi.

3
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,176
Okay.

4
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,575
(chuckles)

5
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,385
So I thought we'd...
try this new restaurant.

6
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,060
It's right around
the corner from here.

7
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,589
It's Scottish-Mexican fusion.

8
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,093
Scottish-Mexican fusion?

9
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,685
Scottish-Mexican fusion.

10

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,543
NARRATOR:
Kids, it's not always rational,
but people on their wedding day

2
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,412
sometimes find themselves
panicking

3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,640
about whether
they've made the best choice.

4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,006
I have a better
tie at home!

5
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,184
It's cornflower blue.
It's cornflower blue!

6
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:15,523
NARRATOR:
But lucky for Barney,
he was marrying a rock.

7
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,119
I can't go through
with this wedding.

8
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:23,889
Last year, when you helped

1
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:06,713
So?
(whispers): No.

2
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,510
No. You-You were in.

3
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,212
I said, "Have you met Ted"
and everything.

4
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,884
How could that not work?
I don't know,

5
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,812
we introduced ourselves,
I bought her a drink,

6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,077
told her I loved her...

7
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,746
What?
I'm kidding.

8
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,724
Hold on, Roxanne.

9
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,322
You played "Have You Met Ted"

1
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:16,154
LILY:
Marshall's almost here.

2
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:17,994
Yes! Look at us,

3
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,918
hanging out again.
This is amazing.

4
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:22,524
This is awesome!

5
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:26,486
This is...
(roaring)
(laughing): Okay.

6
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,657
Just settle
down, buddy.
No!

7
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,266
Settling down is for losers with
kids who never go out anymore.

8
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,330
I am in
charge tonight,