How I Met Your Mother - Eighth Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:23,217
Oh, you look like you're
coming from a wedding.

2
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,827
Was it a nice one?

3
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:29,058
Uh, it's a long story,
and I don't mean to be rude,

4
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,627
but I really don't
feel like talking about it.

5
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,742
It all started when the
bride asked to see me...

6
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,940
Wow.

7
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,544
Okay, don't
sugarcoat it, Mosby.

8
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,947
Just give it
to me straight, okay?

9
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,379

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:05,013
NARRATOR:
Kids, the summer of 2012
was the Summer of Love.

2
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:07,179
Barney and Quinn,

3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,208
me and Victoria,

4
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,653
Robin and Nick,

5
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,979
Lily, Marshall and Marvin.

6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,975
Everyone was happy as can be.

7
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,987
(all sigh happily)

8
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,159
Which means there are
absolutely no good stories.

9
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:23,189
Let's skip ahead...

10

1
00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:04,213
NARRATOR:
Kids, October of 2012
kicked off

2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,668
The Autumn of Breakups.

3
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,476
And Barney, having broken
his engagement with Quinn,

4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,149
was slowly trying
to pick himself back up.

5
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:15,119
Welcome to Bangtoberfest!

6
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,319
Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt!

7
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,621
I'm back!

8
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,122
Have a Bangtoberfest
T-shirt!

9
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,124
I'm single again!

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:03,643
NARRATOR:
Kids, once your
Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily

2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,071
found a nanny for baby Marvin,

3
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,366
they were excited

4
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,977
for their first night out
together in five months.

5
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,179
And so were we.

6
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:12,181
(all cheer)
Mama.

7
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,053
Dada.

8
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:15,352
Hi, gang.

9
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:16,383
Ooh.

1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,065
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, it's no secret...

2
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,707
your Uncle Barney
is a bit of a dog.

3
00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:06,042
And even though he loved me,

4
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:10,077
I think he always
wanted a wingman
who was a bit of a dog too.

5
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,114
[ Chuckles ]

6
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,520
And in the fall of 2012,

7
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,391
he found one.

8
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,716
Respect.

9
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,361
[ Barks ]

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,173
NARRATOR:
In the fall of 2012,

2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:06,135
Nick and Robin
were going strong.

3
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,884
Sometimes it's hard to say
what it is exactly

4
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,138
that makes a couple click.

5
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,307
(sighs)

6
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,354
Wow.

7
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:12,509
(sighs)

8
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,746
Bravissimo!

9
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,752
Whatever it was, kids,
Nick and Robin

1
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,907
Guys, I'm going through
something kinda hard.

2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:07,538
Since Quinn and I broke up,
she's gone back to dancing

3
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:10,905
at The Lusty Leopard,
and it's just really
tough because...

4
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:13,984
'Cause you have to find
a new strip club?
I have to find a new strip club!

5
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,684
I've been going to
The Lusty Leopard
for seven years.

6
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,387
Wow. That's like
49 in perv years.

7
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,390
Sixty-nine. Self-five.

8
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:22,692
Look...

1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:04,412
NARRATOR:
Kids, this is a story about
the time your Uncle Marshall

2
00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:07,238
went before the New York State
Judiciary Committee,

3
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:10,405
a panel that would decide
the fate of his career.

4
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,514
He thought he'd open
with an icebreaker.

5
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:16,816
By the way, did I mention
those robes really do you all...

6
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,190
justice?

7
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,864
I'm just saying
that you're all guilty...

8
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,830
of looking sharp.

9

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:05,543
Well, it's come to this-- we're
drinking with our baby in a bar.

2
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,183
It is not a bar.

3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:10,138
It's a restaurant that
happens to have a bar.

4
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,308
Ergo, we are good parents.

5
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,146
Unrelated: I'm getting
faced right now.

6
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,652
Papa needs a grease coat.

7
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,983
TED: While it is
heartwarming to watch

8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,217
your firstborn teethe
on a jalapeño popper,

9
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,023
wasn't Mickey

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,373
Lily, I just saw
the worst thing ever!

2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,805
(whispering): Kind of busy
right now, Marshall.

3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,139
Quiet.
He can hear you.

4
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:08,335
MARSHALL: Who's "he"?!

5
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,176
He's coming!
Everyone shut up!

6
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,751
NARRATOR:
Okay, kids, you're probably
wondering how

7
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,179
we all got here.

8
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,084
Oh, hey, buddy,
can we borrow your
air mattress?

1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:03,900
Can I get you guys
anything to drink?

2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:04,807
BOTH:
Scotch, neat.

3
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:05,338
Jinx.

4
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:06,343
(gasps)

5
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,249
Oh, my...

6
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:13,849
God.

7
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,381
NARRATOR:
Kids, you may be wondering
why five adults

8
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:19,517
in their 30s would take
a jinx so seriously.

9
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,193
It all started one day

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:03,673
NARRATOR:
With Christmas
just around the corner,

2
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:04,914
your Uncle Barney gave me

3
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,708
the horrible gift
of an unwanted secret.

4
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:10,010
Tomorrow night on the roof of
the World Wide News building--

5
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,054
that's Patrice's favorite spot--

6
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:12,579
I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

7
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:15,383
Ah, poot-tu-tat!
You're jinxed.

8
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,746
I'll unjinx you if you'll follow
these two rules:

9
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,845

1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:06,536
NARRATOR:
Kids, in late 2012, I received
a very important text message.

2
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:14,353
Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin
were engaged,

3
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,582
marking a truly happy time
for our little group.

4
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,987
The problem was

5
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,489
one of us was
definitely not happy.

6
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,093
(crying)

7
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,085
Marvin will not
stop crying.

8
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,097
What do you guys think it is?

9
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,528

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,173
You guys. You guys will not
believe what just happened.

2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,305
On my way here, a taxi

3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,709
jumped the curb
and it pinned this old lady,

4
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:10,041
and I-I just went into this,
like, crazy adrenaline mode

5
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,508
and I somehow lifted it off her.

6
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,145
Oh, my God, Ted,
your wrist.

7
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,851
Oh, yeah, I guess
it's a little swollen.

8
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:16,582
I must've strained it lifting.
No,

9
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:17,987

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,173
NARRATOR:
Kids, sometimes when
you're about to give up

2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:06,165
on your love life forever
for the 17th time,

3
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:07,977
destiny intervenes.

4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,308
Instead of rushing in,
I took my time

5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,075
to think up the perfect
opening line.

6
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:15,084
(train brakes screech)

7
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,086
Wait, no, damn it,
come back! You're really...

8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,318
You're pretty!

9
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,523

1
00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:04,541
NARRATOR: Kids, early in this
story, you may recall me saying

2
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:05,972
something along
the lines of...

3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,476
Okay, no more dating.

4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,338
I am ready to settle down.

5
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,647
And at the time,
I probably thought I meant it.

6
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,979
But, kids, I'll be honest.

7
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,824
Being single's fun.

8
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,489
As a young unattached man
in New York City,

9
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,989
I had a great time.

1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,143
Thanks.

2
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,742
That's weird.
I have a message.

3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:07,083
That's weird.

4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,408
You still have
an answering machine.

5
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,242
(beep)

6
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,078
Ted, this is the Captain.

7
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,853
Please call me back
at your earliest convenience.

8
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:18,294
Oh, crap.

9
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,929
NARRATOR:
Kids, you remember the Captain.

1
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,642
MARSHALL:
This is the life.

2
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,084
We got the three B's.

3
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,150
Beach, booze
and bodacious babes.

4
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,650
I don't know.

5
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,521
I'm starting to think
we should call the police.

6
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,089
Oh, would you relax?

7
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,818
We've got it made.

8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,892
One whole week
at his bodacious beach house,

9
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:23,191
no strings attached.

1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:03,673
NARRATOR:
In the spring of 2013,

2
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:05,074
Barney and Robin were
just weeks away

3
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,406
from tying the knot.

4
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,810
But there were still some
pretty big issues

5
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:08,811
they hadn't agreed on.

6
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,812
Adoption.

7
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:11,984
I don't know.

8
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,982
(sighs) It's the only thing
that makes sense.

9
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:14,984
I can't... I can't believe

1
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,043
NARRATOR:
Kids, in April of 2013,

2
00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:05,642
your mother and I were
very close

3
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,243
and yet very far apart.

4
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,905
I was living on
West 82nd Street.

5
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:12,183
She was up on West 115th.

6
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,583
She was getting
a degree in economics.

7
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,575
I was teaching architecture.

8
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:17,887
I was always at MacLaren's.

9
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,218
She was always...

1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,043
NARRATOR:
Kids, by the spring of 2013,

2
00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:05,742
Lily and Marshall had life
figured out;

3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,643
Lily was making a name as the
art consultant for The Captain,

4
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,377
Marshall was a superstar
environmental lawyer

5
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:15,653
and home life
was a well-oiled machine.

6
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,683
And then...

7
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,647
something changed.

8
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,586
(knocking)
Captain, you wanted to see me?

9
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,892

1
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:03,743
NARRATOR: Kids, this is
the story of the night

2
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,471
Barney's life
completely fell apart.

3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,176
My life is finally perfect,

4
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,078
and that is never
going to change.

5
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,150
Fired up for dinner
with my mom tonight?

6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,809
Yeah. To help streamline
the rest of our lives,

7
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,916
you can always assume my answer
to that question is no.

8
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,889
W...
I'm pretty nervous.

9

1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,240
NARRATOR:
In 1994, Robin's dad took her
to New York City

2
00:00:04,272 --> 00:00:05,672
for the first time...

3
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,006
This is amazing!
Thank you, sir!

4
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,842
Well, a little father-son
bonding trip never hurt anyone.

5
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:13,548
I-I did almost die
from malnutrition

6
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,181
on that wolf hunt last year...

7
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,186
I had to almost kill you

8
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,548
for you to learn how to kill.

9
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:21,416
(sighs happily)

1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,902
NARRATOR:
Kids, in the spring of 2013,

2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,807
we were all tying up loose ends
before the big wedding.

3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,380
I was right here
in this very room,

4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,939
putting the finishing touches
on the house.

5
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:17,185
Oh, come on!

6
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,348
NARRATOR: Barney and Robin
were wrapping up rehearsal

7
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:20,347
for their first dance.

8
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,818
That was amazing.
We can do better.

9
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,016