Friends - First Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,757
[CAR HORNS HONKING]

2
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,760
There's nothing to tell.
It's just some guy I work with.

3
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:55,137
Come on.
You're going out with a guy.

4
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,848
There's gotta be something
wrong with him.

5
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,933
So does he have a hump
and a hair piece?

6
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,771
Wait. Does he eat chalk?

7
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:08,233
I don't want her to go through
what I went through with Carl. Oh.

8
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:11,236
Okay, everybody relax.
This is not even a date.

9
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:14,406

1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:04,294
What you guys don't understand is...

2
00:00:04,504 --> 00:00:07,548
...for us, kissing is as important
as any part of it.

3
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,508
Yeah, right.

4
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,095
You serious?

5
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:15,097
Oh, yeah.

6
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:17,683
Everything you need to know
is in that first kiss.

7
00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:19,768
- Absolutely.
- Yeah, I think, for us...

8
00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,021
...kissing is pretty much
like an opening act.

9
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,773
I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian
you have to sit through...

1
00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:07,423
- Hi, guys.
JOEY: Hey, Phoebe.

2
00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:08,924
Hey, oh, how did it go?

3
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,175
Um, not so good.

4
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,178
He walked me to the subway and said,
"We should do this again."

5
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:16,056
- Ouch.
- What? He said, "We should do it again."

6
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,307
That's good, right?

7
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,602
Uh, no. Loosely translated,
"We should do this again," means:

8
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,855
"You will never see me naked."

9
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,274
Since when?

1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,252
PHOEBE:
Oh, that's good.

2
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,254
- Okay. All right, Phoebe?
- Okay, okay.

3
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:09,883
If I were omnipotent for a day,
I would want, um, world peace...

4
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:13,178
...no more hunger,
good things for the rain forest.

5
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,556
And bigger boobs.

6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,852
Well, see, you took mine, so...

7
00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,438
Chandler, what about you?

8
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:26,025
If I were omnipotent for a day,
I'd make myself omnipotent forever.

9
00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,527
Heh. See, there's always one guy.

1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,878
Would you let it go?
It's not a big deal.

2
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:06,880
ROSS: Not a big deal?
It's amazing.

3
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:10,009
You just reach in, there's one
little maneuver, and bam!

4
00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:12,428
A bra. Right out the sleeve.

5
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,179
As far as I'm concerned...

6
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:17,683
...there is nothing a guy can do
that comes close. Right?

7
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:20,894
Come on!
You guys can pee standing up.

8
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,355
We can? Okay, I'm trying that.

9
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,692
You know what blows my mind?

1
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,882
Oh, look, look!
There's Joey's picture!

2
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,426
This is so exciting!

3
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:13,554
You can spot someone who's
never seen his plays.

4
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,306
Notice, no fear.
No sense of impending doom.

5
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,726
The exclamation point scares me.

6
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,228
It's not just Freud,
it's Freud!

7
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,356
ROSS:
Shh. Magic is about to happen!

8
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:26,984
JOEY [IN GERMAN ACCENT]:
Well, Eva...

9
00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:30,863

1
00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:06,130
Everybody. Shh. Uh, Central Perk
is proud to present...

2
00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:10,300
...the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.

3
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:13,846
PHOEBE:
Thanks.

4
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:17,891
Hi. Um, I wanna start with a song
that's about that moment...

5
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:21,729
...when you suddenly realize
what life is really all about.

6
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:23,689
Okay, here we go.

7
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,362
Okay. Thank you very much.

8
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,995
CHANDLER:
What...?

9
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:45,544
Oh, great. This is just...

1
00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,134
Hey, gorgeous. How's it going?

2
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,387
Dehydrated Japanese noodles
under fluorescent lights.

3
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:15,889
Does it get better than this?

4
00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:19,018
Question: You're not dating, are you?

5
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,854
I met somebody who would be
perfect for you.

6
00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:24,440
You see, perfect might be a problem.

7
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:28,235
Had you said co-dependent
or self-destructive...

8
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,196
- You want a date Saturday?
- Yes, please.

9
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,324
He is cute.

1
00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:10,551
Terry, I know I haven't worked here
very long...

2
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,470
...but I was wondering,
do you think it would be possible...

3
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:16,724
...if I got a $100 advance on my salary?

4
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,684
An advance?

5
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,311
It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving
with my family.

6
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:25,774
See, every year, we go skiing in Vail,
and normally my father pays for my ticket...

7
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:29,194
...but I've sort of started
this whole independent thing, you know...

8
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:32,573
...which is actually why I took this "job."

9
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,578
Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart.

1
00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:11,427
Guys? There's, uh, somebody
I'd like you to meet.

2
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,595
[PHOEBE & RACHEL GASP]

3
00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:15,639
Wait, wait. What is that?

4
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,516
That would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?

5
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,018
No. No, I don't.

6
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,311
Oh, he is precious.
Where did you get him?

7
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:23,605
My friend Bethel rescued him
from some lab.

8
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,315
That is so cruel.

9
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,652
Why? Why would a parent
name their child Bethel?

1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,545
Do you think they have
yesterday's Daily News?

2
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,714
MONICA: Why?
- I just wanna check my horoscope...

3
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,507
...see if it was right.

4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:13,762
Oh, my God. Phoebe. Don't look now,
but, behind you there's a guy...

5
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,890
...who has the potential to break our hearts
and plunge us into depression.

6
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,517
Where?

7
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,103
Ooh, come to Mama.

8
00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:24,106
Okay, he's coming.
Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

9
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,567
- Nice hat.

1
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,513
[ROSS SINGS THEME SONG
FROM THE ODD COUPLE]

2
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,976
[CHANDLER JOINS IN]

3
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,692
[MONICA & PHOEBE JOIN IN]

4
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,057
[SINGING THEME FROM
I DREAM OF JEANNIE]

5
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,975
No, no, we're done. We're done, man.

6
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,777
Aunt Silv, stop yelling.

7
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,571
All I'm saying is,
if you had told me vegetarian lasagna...

8
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:57,366
...I would've made vegetarian lasagna.

9
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,911
Well, the meat's only every third layer.

10

1
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,182
[BOTH YELL]

2
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,560
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.
RACHEL: Oh, my God. That's it.

3
00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:22,021
You just barge in here
and you don't knock?

4
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,106
You have no respect
for anybody's privacy.

5
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:25,899
- Rachel, wait.
- No, you wait.

6
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,610
- Can I just say one thing?
- What? What?

7
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:32,072
That's a relatively open weave
and I can still see your...

8
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,242
...nippular area.
- Ugh!

9

1
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,462
I'm telling you, Ross, she wants you.

2
00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:08,465
She barely knows me.
We just live in the same building.

3
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,051
- Any contact?
- She lent me an egg once.

4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,469
You're in.

5
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,097
Oh, right.

6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,599
- Hey, Ross.
- Hey.

7
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:19,351
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

8
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,899
Come on, Ross. You gotta get back
in the game here.

9
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:30,279
The Rachel thing's not happening,
your ex-wife's a lesbian, you...

1
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,004
Coffee.

2
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,423
- Thank you.
- Cappuccino.

3
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:08,757
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

4
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:11,677
And a nice hot cider for Monica.

5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,679
Aw, thank you.

6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,180
- Rach?
- Yeah?

7
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,975
Why does my cinnamon stick
have an eraser?

8
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,436
Oh.

9
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,937
Oh, heh.

10

1
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:10,509
This is unbelievable.
It's been half an hour.

2
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:14,221
If this was a cartoon, you'd be
looking like a ham right about now.

3
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,348
There's the waitress.
Excuse me, miss.

4
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:19,018
JOEY: Hello, miss?
- It's Phoebe.

5
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,937
CHANDLER: Hi.
- Hi.

6
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,647
Okay, will that be all?

7
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,817
Wait, wait.
What are you doing here?

8
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,318
Yeah, um, I was over there...

9
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,196

1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:04,378
NARRATOR:
Previously on Friends:

2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,046
- Excuse me, miss.
- It's Phoebe.

3
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,340
- Will that be all?
CHANDLER: They're twins.

4
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:11,051
Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot.

5
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,972
- It's for Ursula.
- Sure, yeah. Okay, it fits.

6
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:16,932
Marcel, give Rossy the remote.

7
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,684
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

8
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,894
How did he do this?

9
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,439
It's this whole stupid Ursula thing.

1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,879
[ALL WHISTLING THEME FROM
THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAl]

2
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,433
Rach, we're running low
on résumés over here.

3
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,436
Do you really want a job
with Popular Mechanics?

4
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:23,897
Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics,
those are the ones to work for.

5
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:27,484
Hey, look, you guys.
I'm going for anything here, okay?

6
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,695
I can't be a waitress anymore. I mean it.

7
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,574
I'm sick of the lousy tips.
I'm sick of being called "Excuse Me."

8
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,578
Rach, did you proofread these?

9
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,580

1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,087
Okay, okay, I checked.

2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:09,133
We have Earl Grey, English Breakfast,
cinnamon stick...

3
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:13,137
...chamomile, mint medley,
blackberry and, uh...

4
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:15,889
Oh, wait, there's one more, um...
Lemon soother.

5
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,061
You're not the guy that asked
for the tea, are you?

6
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:22,896
Okay.

7
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:17,826
Mail call. Rachel Green, bunk seven.

8
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,787
Thank you.

9
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:23,874
Oh, cool. A free sample of coffee.

1
00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:06,338
I can't believe
you would actually say that.

2
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:09,842
I would much rather be Mr. Peanut
than Mr. Salty.

3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:13,053
No way. Mr. Salty is a sailor, all right?

4
00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:15,848
He's gotta be, like,
the toughest snack there is.

5
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:20,769
I don't know. You don't
wanna mess with corn nuts.

6
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:23,022
They're crazy.

7
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,568
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
You gotta come see this.

8
00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:29,778
There's some creep out there
with a telescope.

9
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,196

1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,045
How'd someone get
your credit card number?

2
00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:07,673
I have no idea.
Look how much they spent!

3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,593
Calm down. You only have to pay
for the stuff you bought.

4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,513
Still, it's just such reckless spending.

5
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,598
When somebody steals your credit card...

6
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:19,810
...they've kind of already
thrown caution to the wind.

7
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:28,068
Wow, what a geek.
They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.

8
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,155
That's me.

9
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,117
Oh! Oh, the yuck.

1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:03,919
MONICA: Tell him. Please tell him.
- Tell him.

2
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:06,380
- Shut up.
- Tell me what?

3
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,882
MONICA: You won't even look at him.
- Oh, come on, tell me.

4
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:12,094
I could use another reason
why women won't look at me.

5
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,762
All right, all right, all right.

6
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:15,806
Last night, I had a dream...

7
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:19,476
...that, um, you and I were, uh...

8
00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:21,520
Doing it on this table.

9
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:26,608
- Wow.
- Excellent dream score.

1
00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:08,048
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
Dr. Johnson, you have a call on line 7.

2
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:11,385
She's not here yet.
She's having my baby and she's not here.

3
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:14,471
- Everything's fine. Has her water broken?
- I don't know.

4
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:17,766
But when I spoke to her, she said
she'd already passed the mucus plug.

5
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:19,852
[GROANS]

6
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,272
Do we have to know about that?

7
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,816
What are you gonna do
when you have a baby?

8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:29,737
I'm gonna be in the waiting room,
handing out cigars.

9
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:33,866

1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:04,795
ROSS:
Here's little Ben nodding off.

2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,840
Aww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy.

3
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:11,593
- Look, he's got Ross' haircut.
- Oh, let me see.

4
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:15,222
Oh, God!
Is he just the sweetest thing?

5
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:18,475
You must just want
to kiss him all over.

6
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,481
That would be nice.

7
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,318
- Pfft.
- Pardon?

8
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:31,864
Nothing. Just a little extra air
in my mouth. Pfft.

9
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:40,164