Earth to Ned - First Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,796
Cornelius! What are you doing?

2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,633
That's not what a sidekick
on a late-night talk show wears.

3
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,968
You look like
you're gonna blow up a planet.

4
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,721
Sir, that's why we came here.
That's all I packed for.

5
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:16,975
Yes, but then I abandoned that mission
and decided to make a TV show instead.

6
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:19,436
And I'm the captain, so we're doing it.

7
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,105
Now, go put on your sidekick suit
before the show starts.

8
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,525
Oh, sir, the show actually has started.

9
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:25,692
What?

1
00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:05,547
Cornelius, what are you laughing at?

2
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,716
I haven’t even done my monologue yet.

3
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,384
I’m laughin' at the Clods!

4
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:18,560
I am sick and tired
of the Clods getting all the laughs.

5
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:20,354
Oh, don’t forget
the fan mail.

6
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,022
People love 'em so much,

7
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,316
they've reverted back
to sending snail mail.

8
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:30,322
Well, I actually got more
and better fan mail right here.

9
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:34,243
This fan wants me
to get a buy-two-get-one free froyo.

1
00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:04,546
More! Give me more!

2
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:05,756
Transmitting.

3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,050
Oh, yeah. Yes!

4
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,260
It's so beautiful!

5
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:15,474
I love Star Wars.

6
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,100
Well, you've done it, sir.

7
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,102
You've watched every film,
television show,

8
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,729
and read every Star Wars book.

9
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:23,857
Can I go now? I have a 2:30 techoscopy.

10
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,317
No, B.E.T.I., wait!

1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:02,544
Cornelius.

2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:04,796
Cornelius.

3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,883
- Cornelius!

4
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,676
-What is it, sir?
-"What is it?"

5
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,761
Look at these Clods.

6
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,223
One minute they're asleep on the job

7
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:16,934
and the next
they're wired out of their minds.

8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,019
Have they been
getting into the beam juice again?

9
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:23,232
Actually, they are severely sleep deprived
and terrified.

1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,296
Hey! Those aren't for you. Spit it out.

2
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,883
Oh, who are they for, sir?

3
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:11,845
Today's guest,
Flooferoni Peterson the Fourth.

4
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,263
He's an Internet-famous,

5
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:16,558
one-eyed, five-pound Pomeranian
from Orlando, Florida,

6
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,310
and I can't wait to talk to him.

7
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,437
He won't have much to say.

8
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:23,065
-What do you mean?
-Dogs are incapable of speech.

9
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,149
They're pets.

10

1
00:00:00,959 --> 00:00:02,252
Mmm-mmm.

2
00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:03,921
-Cornelius!
-Yeah.

3
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:08,008
Have you heard the good news? Our show's
getting rave reviews on the Internet.

4
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:12,429
Critics say, "Ned is very life-like."

5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,515
They must love my natural charisma.

6
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:16,266
-Did they mention me?
-Nope.

7
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,936
But everyone loves those Clods.

8
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:25,651
But, Ned, what about social media?
That's what real people think.

9
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,153
Oh, my Glorp! You're right.

1
00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:02,544
Okay, let me try this again.

2
00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:03,879
Patty cake...

3
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:07,382
That is so hard...
Hey! Trying to patty-cake over here!

4
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,511
What the... Cornelius, do something!

5
00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:13,013
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I thought I put it on your schedule.

6
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,140
The Clods have taken up figure painting.

7
00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,350
What the...

8
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,979
- Why is it naked?
-CORNELIUS: Clods are always naked.

9
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,023
Get your mind out of the gutter.

10

1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:05,088
Argh, I can't follow the battle sequence
in this movie.

2
00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:08,217
Why are they wearing helmets
and trying to hug each other?

3
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,219
Huh, this looks like a sports movie, sir.

4
00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:12,304
I've never heard of a "sports."

5
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:15,015
Many pro sports players, or athletes,

6
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:18,435
in fact, amass riches
and romance Kardashians.

7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:21,855
Ooh, the vapor beings from Kardashia?

8
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,357
Different Kardashians.

9
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,277
And what is this brown egg-like object
the warriors carry around?

1
00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:09,843
Ooh la la!

2
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:11,595
Fashion.

3
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:13,847
Love the camera.

4
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,682
Uh, sir? What are you doin'?

5
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,143
Oh, a fashion photoshoot.

6
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,103
But you only wear the one outfit.

7
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,731
Well, fashion isn't about outfits,
Cornelius.

8
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,775
It's about poses.

9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,194
Sir, I think fashion is all about clothes.

10
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,988
I know what fashion is, Cornelius.

1
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,216
Hey, Boss.

2
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:09,551
Sorry. Can't see you until you sign in.

3
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:13,222
I am in the middle of a big audition
for my new musical,

4
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:17,935
I'm Making This Up As I Go Along:
The Story Of Ned.

5
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,853
No, thanks. I don't like musicals.

6
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:21,522
What? What's not to like?

7
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:24,942
Everyone bursting into song for no reason.

8
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,443
Singing and dancing!

9
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,736
Craving attention!

10
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:28,946