Drunk History - Third Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:13,178
(tess)
lincoln's like, your balloons
are [bleep] awesome.

2
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:16,415
I want to send them into the sky
so that you can spy.

3
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,617
[bleep] yeah, I will do that.

4
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,887
This is the funnest job ever.
[laughs]

5
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:22,855
(mark)
it would be like,

6
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,423
This and this
and this and this

7
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:27,192
Then go with this and this
and this and this,

8
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,928
And the other would go,
you wish, tuna fish.

1
00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:11,977
[patriotic music]

2
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,279
Clark gable
flying over nazi germany.

3
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:18,717
He's like...
[imitates machine gun]

4
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,052
(jessica)
ponce de león is like,

5
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:23,489
I can't witness my people
just being, like,

6
00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:26,558
Totally treated [bleep]
like this.

7
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:30,462
(dan)
the murder rate
has tripled overnight,

8
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,798
And most of it are people
that griselda

1
00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:13,445
(allan)
jean lafitte, he was just
a really badass pirate.

2
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:16,215
Stabbing in weird,
fun new ways.

3
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,284
Pirates are [bleep] good
at fighting and stuff,

4
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:21,153
Is my [bleep] point, man.

5
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,488
Sam the banana man,

6
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:25,491
He is al pacino,
<i>scarface</i> style,

7
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:28,060
But instead of cocaine,
bananas.

8
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:28,827
[laughing]

9
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,196

1
00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:11,110
<i>[patriotic music]</i>

2
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:13,679
-<i> Harriet tubman was like,</i>

3
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,681
<i>This is about to be,</i>
<i>like, a real stealth operation.</i>

4
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,384
<i>You [bleep] have never seen</i>
<i>no [bleep] like this before.</i>

5
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:21,453
Why would you wait till
I'm at my drunkest to do this?

6
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:24,123
-<i> Virginia hall</i>
<i>had a wooden leg.</i>

7
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:24,723
<i>Ow.</i>

8
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:25,691
<i>But she's blowing up bridges,</i>

9
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,693
<i>And the head of the gestapo</i>
<i>is like, that bitch.</i>

1
00:00:10,810 --> 00:00:12,711
<i>[patriotic music]</i>

2
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:17,616
<i>- Prohibition was passed,</i>
<i>and wayne wheeler won the day.</i>

3
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,352
[laughs]

4
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,589
- Dorothy fuldheim
spent more time on air

5
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:28,093
<i>As a broadcast journalist</i>
<i>than anyone in history.</i>

6
00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:29,995
- You're all good.

7
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,531
- Muhammad ali was drafted.

8
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,900
<i>This doesn't seem right.</i>

9
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,235
<i>- Yeah.</i>

10

1
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,578
<i>[patriotic music]</i>

2
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:13,412
- Milton bradley's like,

3
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,947
<i>Hey, everybody,</i>
<i>I got this new game.</i>

4
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:15,981
<i>It's, like, american.</i>

5
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:17,716
<i>It's, like, [bleep] cool.</i>

6
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,118
- Ugh!
- [chuckles]

7
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,821
-<i> We're gonna ban</i>
<i>[bleep] pinball, dude.</i>

8
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,190
<i>Because pinball</i>
<i>is a game of chance.</i>

9
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,658
- [belches]
- jeez.

1
00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:12,378
<i>- It's the biggest</i>
<i>land-run ever.</i>

2
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,681
<i>Kentucky Daisey's like,</i>
<i>Sha-doink, this is my land.</i>

3
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,317
Wine is a very...it--high
[bleep] up quotient.

4
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:22,321
<i>- Gordo is like, I'm entering</i>
<i>Earth's atmosphere.</i>

5
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:26,191
<i>[mimics shuttle]</i>
<i>[bleep] bravo to me!</i>

6
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:26,792
<i>- Wait.</i>

7
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:31,096
<i>- Bass Reeves arrested 3,000</i>
<i>men in the line of duty.</i>

8
00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:33,265
<i>And he's like...</i>
<i>pew, pew, pew.</i>

9

1
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:11,844
<i>[patriotic music]</i>

2
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:15,647
<i>- Nellie Bly thinks she's</i>
<i>racing a fictional character.</i>

3
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,517
<i>Well, it turns out</i>
<i>she's racing a real woman.</i>

4
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,486
[laughing]
I should stop laughing.

5
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:21,587
It's very hard.

6
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:22,588
<i>- And there are these kids,</i>

7
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,356
<i>and they would cry</i>
<i>on the streets,</i>

8
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,124
<i>and they would be like,</i>

9
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:29,461
"Extra, extra! Read all
about it. I'm a newsie."

1
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,047
<i>- The Wild West is Los Angeles.</i>

2
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,181
<i>You're dead, you're dead.</i>

3
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,416
<i>Everybody's [bleep] dead.</i>

4
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:18,550
Where did all this booze go?

5
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,852
- He looked at Rin Tin Tin,
and he's like,

6
00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:22,788
<i>You got to jump like you never</i>
<i>jumped before, okay, dude?</i>

7
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:23,689
<i>So he's like, Yep.</i>

8
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,591
<i>And Rin Tin Tin jumped it.</i>

9
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:26,825
[belches]

10
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:29,461

1
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:16,482
- So, Po'pay marched
2,500 people into Santa Fe.

2
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:18,484
<i>The Spanish, they're like,</i>
What do we do.

3
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,653
-<i> Ernest Thompson Seton gets out</i>
<i>to New Mexico and he says,</i>

4
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:24,490
I hear there's
all these wolves to kill.

5
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:27,893
[imitates gunshots]

6
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:28,627
- [laughs]

7
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,629
<i>- Major Jesse Marcel says,</i>

8
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,865
We have discovered...

9
00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:34,900
a crashed flying saucer.

1
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:10,843
<i>[patriotic music]</i>

2
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:14,513
- Alexander Graham Bell
is like, Oh, [bleep],

3
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,216
invent the telephone?
Yes, please.

4
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,618
- Hold on, hold on.
- [gags, spits]

5
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,552
Ah, it's in my mouth!

6
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,688
<i>- She says...</i>
I just made this [bleep]

7
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,390
<i>out of some handkerchiefs.</i>

8
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,191
All the girls go crazy.

9
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:29,194
My boobles are free
to roam!

1
00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:15,614
- James T. McWilliams looks up
and says,

2
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:18,550
My [bleep] goddamn town's
on fire.

3
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,586
So, "Everybody Loves Ray"--

4
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:21,587
- Raymond.

5
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:22,454
- [laughs]

6
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,555
- Luciano is like,

7
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,892
We're gonna kill this guy Bugsy

8
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:29,361
'cause he's a pain in the ass.

9
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,696
[laughing]

10
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:31,263

1
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:06,872
<i>- Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan</i>
<i>create a mix tape,</i>

2
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:07,740
<i>plated in gold.</i>

3
00:00:07,742 --> 00:00:10,142
[gasps] Has that been on
this whole time?

4
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:14,313
<i>- Wernher von Braun, the father</i>
<i>of American rocket science,</i>

5
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,614
<i>joins the SS.</i>

6
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,516
- What does "SS" stand for?

7
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,785
- Serious Nazis.

8
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:20,552
- [laughs]

9
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:21,520
- So Leonov's like,

10