Community - Third Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:03,864 --> 00:00:06,645
♪ We're gonna fly to screw
each morning ♪

2
00:00:06,765 --> 00:00:09,732
♪ we're gonna smile
the entire time ♪

3
00:00:09,852 --> 00:00:13,020
♪ we're gonna be more happy ♪

4
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,156
♪ we're gonna finally be fine ♪

5
00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:18,176
♪ we're gonna get more calm
and normal ♪

6
00:00:18,178 --> 00:00:21,245
♪ we're gonna fix
our state of mind ♪

7
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,614
♪ we're gonna be less crazy ♪

8
00:00:23,665 --> 00:00:26,834
♪ we're gonna finally
be fine ♪

9
00:00:26,869 --> 00:00:29,704
♪ we're gonna stand holding

1
00:00:01,895 --> 00:00:04,160
By the end of WWII President Roosevelt

2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,518
had finally succumbed
to the polio

3
00:00:06,638 --> 00:00:10,985
that afflicted him
his entire life.

4
00:00:11,020 --> 00:00:13,388
Which brings me to
the Yalta Conference.

5
00:00:13,422 --> 00:00:15,540
Who can tell me three
key points brought up there?

6
00:00:15,591 --> 00:00:16,958
Annie.

7
00:00:17,026 --> 00:00:18,026
The demilitarization
of Germany--

8
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,027
I'm sorry.

9
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,012
Annie Kim.

1
00:00:04,509 --> 00:00:06,933
I really made my bones with
that last collar, babe.

2
00:00:07,248 --> 00:00:08,353
Today's the day.

3
00:00:08,387 --> 00:00:10,421
You woke up with
a guard this morning.

4
00:00:10,456 --> 00:00:14,676
But tonight, you're going
to bed with a detective.

5
00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:19,263
Shh...Okay, you get
some rest, 'kay?

6
00:00:19,298 --> 00:00:21,833
Probably need it.

7
00:00:31,376 --> 00:00:33,210
Here's Ben dressed
like a dragon.

8
00:00:33,228 --> 00:00:34,729
Aww.

9
00:00:34,763 --> 00:00:37,515
Here's me and Abed dressed

1
00:00:01,551 --> 00:00:02,809
Didn't they say 304?

2
00:00:02,946 --> 00:00:04,446
No, 303.
I wrote it twice.

3
00:00:06,097 --> 00:00:08,599
♪Troy and Abed's new apartment! ♪

4
00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:11,970
Hiiii!

5
00:00:12,004 --> 00:00:13,088
- Come on in.
- Come on.

6
00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:14,806
Wow.

7
00:00:14,841 --> 00:00:16,742
What a great place.

8
00:00:16,777 --> 00:00:19,462
You guys--you guys
look so fancy.

9
00:00:19,496 --> 00:00:21,714
Thanks. We read a book on how
to be the perfect party hosts.

1
00:00:04,231 --> 00:00:06,656
Remember, you guys
can have a dip too!

2
00:00:06,776 --> 00:00:08,577
And don't be afraid
to play with the...

3
00:00:08,611 --> 00:00:11,430
Ruuubber spiiider!

4
00:00:11,464 --> 00:00:13,548
I'll ask again...

5
00:00:13,583 --> 00:00:15,283
Are you sure
I can't bring anything?

6
00:00:15,318 --> 00:00:16,418
I don't understand.

7
00:00:16,452 --> 00:00:17,886
We're having a party,

8
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,671
before we're going
to the real party?

9
00:00:19,705 --> 00:00:20,789
Sometimes, I think
you young people

1
00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:06,123
Damn it!

2
00:00:07,724 --> 00:00:11,731
Put the teethy wrench on the
square thing and jiggle it left.

3
00:00:19,297 --> 00:00:22,418
Thanks... by the way, that
square thing is a Hampton bolt

4
00:00:22,452 --> 00:00:24,089
and what you just described
is a manacheck maneuver.

5
00:00:24,123 --> 00:00:26,660
Hey, I'm just here
for the tater tots.

6
00:00:28,515 --> 00:00:31,737
Look, I know you think you
made your mind up about plumbing

7
00:00:31,771 --> 00:00:33,340
and I respect that.

8
00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:35,011
But come to the third floor
men's room tomorrow

9
00:00:35,045 --> 00:00:36,246

1
00:00:05,208 --> 00:00:07,500
I'm so glad you're moving
out of this neighborhood Annie.

2
00:00:07,501 --> 00:00:11,025
Some dude peed on my car
while I was parking it.

3
00:00:11,125 --> 00:00:12,614
Oh, you met spaghetti!

4
00:00:12,648 --> 00:00:15,650
- Yeah, I won't miss him.
- Speaking of missing people,

5
00:00:15,685 --> 00:00:19,187
how did Jeff dodge this
bullet...Of friendship.

6
00:00:19,222 --> 00:00:21,823
He said he was
under the weather.

7
00:00:21,858 --> 00:00:24,192
- Pshaw!
- Thanks for helping.

8
00:00:24,227 --> 00:00:25,594
Can you imagine how much fun
this is gonna be?

9

1
00:00:02,888 --> 00:00:04,470
Why did I come to Greendale?

2
00:00:04,710 --> 00:00:08,513
So I can keep my job
and get busy with my education.

3
00:00:09,911 --> 00:00:11,416
To meet different people.

4
00:00:11,450 --> 00:00:16,020
Because Greendale's
a slam dunk.

5
00:00:16,055 --> 00:00:17,388
- So why should you--
- Why should you--

6
00:00:17,423 --> 00:00:18,756
Why should you go Greendale?

7
00:00:18,791 --> 00:00:20,191
That's easy.

8
00:00:20,226 --> 00:00:22,360
Greendale has
the most advanced typing class

9
00:00:22,394 --> 00:00:23,928
in the southwestern
Greendale area.

1
00:00:06,098 --> 00:00:08,600
Happy Friday, everybody.
What are you doing this weekend?

2
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:12,137
The question is,
who am I doing this weekend?

3
00:00:12,171 --> 00:00:14,072
He's asking because
he's already forgotten.

4
00:00:14,106 --> 00:00:15,673
It's nobody.

5
00:00:15,708 --> 00:00:17,308
I'm volunteering
at the animal hospital.

6
00:00:17,343 --> 00:00:18,409
- Aw.
- Animal hospital?

7
00:00:18,444 --> 00:00:19,844
The animals are the patients.

8
00:00:19,879 --> 00:00:21,079
That makes sense.

9
00:00:21,113 --> 00:00:22,914
Yeah, Dr. Zizmor's

1
00:00:06,168 --> 00:00:09,404
Wow. They found a way to make
the human being even creepier.

2
00:00:09,438 --> 00:00:10,772
Covering him in icicles.

3
00:00:10,790 --> 00:00:12,207
I think it's festive.

4
00:00:12,241 --> 00:00:13,792
Yeah, my favorite
Christmas tradition

5
00:00:13,826 --> 00:00:15,410
is trimming the hellraiser.

6
00:00:15,444 --> 00:00:17,262
Guys, I found something
we can watch together

7
00:00:17,296 --> 00:00:18,830
for Christmas this year.

8
00:00:18,881 --> 00:00:22,350
The long-lost 1981 Inspector
Spacetime Holiday Special.

9
00:00:22,385 --> 00:00:24,686
Run time two and half hours
and so critically reviled

1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,256
Sync & corrections by Rafael
UPD www.addic7ed.com/
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

2
00:00:09,591 --> 00:00:10,686
mmm.

3
00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:11,818
Ugh.

4
00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:13,176
Hot 'n' brown's coffee
really wakes me up

5
00:00:13,177 --> 00:00:14,811
to the fact
that its coffee sucks.

6
00:00:14,812 --> 00:00:16,546
I miss having a coffee shop.

7
00:00:16,547 --> 00:00:18,098
Now where am I going
to get my cappuccinos

8
00:00:18,099 --> 00:00:19,933
and Sarah McLachlan CDs?

9
00:00:19,934 --> 00:00:21,551
It wasn't that great.

1
00:00:02,167 --> 00:00:05,936
- Hi, Pierce. Oh...
- Hi!

2
00:00:06,121 --> 00:00:08,483
Hi, Percival!

3
00:00:08,484 --> 00:00:10,459
- Hi.
- Hey.

4
00:00:11,023 --> 00:00:14,282
Happy New Year, you guys.
Do anything fun over break?

5
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,699
Oh, baby Ben got to be
baby Jesus

6
00:00:15,727 --> 00:00:17,227
in our church's nativity play.

7
00:00:17,228 --> 00:00:19,596
Andre was Joseph, and Jordan
was one of the wise men,

8
00:00:19,597 --> 00:00:21,017
and I was in charge of casting.

9
00:00:21,018 --> 00:00:22,937
I digitized

1
00:00:03,478 --> 00:00:06,346
This is a historic day
for Greendale.

2
00:00:06,347 --> 00:00:11,251
This state-of-the-art Subway
sandwichery in our cafetorium

3
00:00:11,252 --> 00:00:14,037
represents Greendale's
first steps forward

4
00:00:14,038 --> 00:00:16,273
into the realm
of the legitimate!

5
00:00:16,274 --> 00:00:17,357
Ooh.

6
00:00:17,358 --> 00:00:19,426
Oh, oh. No problem.
You know what?

7
00:00:19,427 --> 00:00:21,528
I'm just going to get it started
with my teeth.

8
00:00:21,529 --> 00:00:24,047
The legitimate! Oh.
The legitimate!

9

1
00:00:06,450 --> 00:00:08,231
"Between two groups of people

2
00:00:08,232 --> 00:00:11,267
"who want to make inconsistent
kinds of worlds,

3
00:00:11,268 --> 00:00:13,603
I see no remedy but force."

4
00:00:13,604 --> 00:00:15,425
Oliver Wendell Holmes.

5
00:00:18,159 --> 00:00:20,610
There was a point
where all I saw were feathers.

6
00:00:20,611 --> 00:00:22,629
Then I started swinging.

7
00:00:22,630 --> 00:00:27,250
And then I hit something
and heard someone fall.

8
00:00:27,251 --> 00:00:30,119
Could've been somebody
from my side.

9
00:00:31,772 --> 00:00:34,507
In 2012,
Greendale Community College

1
00:00:01,986 --> 00:00:03,319
Best friends, best friends...

2
00:00:03,439 --> 00:00:04,507
♪ Making a cake ♪
- Wait.

3
00:00:04,574 --> 00:00:05,708
Ah.

4
00:00:05,775 --> 00:00:06,809
♪ Best friends,
best friends ♪

5
00:00:06,877 --> 00:00:08,110
♪ making a cake ♪
- Pyoo!

6
00:00:08,405 --> 00:00:10,073
I never thought I'd miss it.

7
00:00:10,141 --> 00:00:12,656
How come I'm not best friends
with anyone in the group?

8
00:00:12,776 --> 00:00:13,821
Aw!

9
00:00:13,941 --> 00:00:15,354
Don't patronize me.

1
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,267
We are so screwed.

2
00:00:08,268 --> 00:00:09,435
How are we gonna
memorize all this?

3
00:00:09,436 --> 00:00:10,669
Let's just go over it again.

4
00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:12,737
Kingdom, phylum, class...

5
00:00:12,738 --> 00:00:16,208
Order, family, genus, species.

6
00:00:16,209 --> 00:00:18,310
I use a mnemonic device.

7
00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:22,147
"Kevin, please come
over for gay sex."

8
00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:24,649
Why wouldn't you use "Karen"?

9
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,218
'Cause it's gay sex, dummy.

10
00:00:26,219 --> 00:00:27,785

1
00:00:01,774 --> 00:00:04,908
Greendale Community College
is represented by two separate,

2
00:00:04,910 --> 00:00:07,028
yet equally important
types of people:

3
00:00:07,029 --> 00:00:09,477
The goofballs that run around
stirring up trouble,

4
00:00:09,559 --> 00:00:12,266
and the eggheads that
make a big deal out of it.

5
00:00:12,366 --> 00:00:14,218
These are their stories.

6
00:00:14,219 --> 00:00:15,422
You'll be better off
without her.

7
00:00:15,446 --> 00:00:18,198
She was perfect.
Warm, smart, beautiful.

8
00:00:18,229 --> 00:00:21,285
I'm never gonna find another
dental hygienist like that.

9

1
00:00:05,283 --> 00:00:07,242
Okay. Ahh.

2
00:00:07,243 --> 00:00:10,824
Um, my name is Alex Osbourne,

3
00:00:10,825 --> 00:00:14,494
and if you're watching this,
it means I'm dead.

4
00:00:14,495 --> 00:00:18,832
Or I'm just showing you.
Uh, but I'm probably dead.

5
00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:22,653
To my ex-wife Magda,
I leave herpes.

6
00:00:22,654 --> 00:00:24,521
But she knows that,
it's dealt with.

7
00:00:24,522 --> 00:00:26,940
As for my collection
of Styx albums,

8
00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:28,675
I leave that to no one.

9
00:00:28,676 --> 00:00:31,645
Because that's who appreciated

1
00:00:02,796 --> 00:00:05,200
Look at us.
Still together as a group

2
00:00:05,201 --> 00:00:08,203
even, what, two months
after being kicked out

3
00:00:08,204 --> 00:00:10,705
of you know where.

4
00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:11,906
Yeah, good thing I came up

5
00:00:11,907 --> 00:00:13,325
with this idea
for potluck dinners.

6
00:00:13,326 --> 00:00:14,926
Pierce, all you said was,
"I'm hungry."

7
00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:16,678
All Henry Ford said was,
"I need a ride."

8
00:00:16,679 --> 00:00:19,264
Troy, is that a casserole?

9
00:00:19,265 --> 00:00:20,465
It's bagel bites

1
00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:05,629
Pierce, you made us all
drive out to a warehouse

2
00:00:05,696 --> 00:00:07,131
in the middle of nowhere.

3
00:00:07,197 --> 00:00:08,299
You could at least tell us why.

4
00:00:08,365 --> 00:00:09,300
Hey, I know as much as you.

5
00:00:09,366 --> 00:00:10,534
I got a letter

6
00:00:10,601 --> 00:00:12,136
from the executor of
my father's estate.

7
00:00:12,202 --> 00:00:14,138
It said to come out here with
my seven closest friends.

8
00:00:14,204 --> 00:00:15,372
You brought six.

9
00:00:15,439 --> 00:00:16,607
Well, who else was he gonna bring?

10

1
00:00:02,017 --> 00:00:05,103
A new day has dawn
at Greendale Community College.

2
00:00:05,104 --> 00:00:06,907
Some said we'd never
bounce back

3
00:00:06,908 --> 00:00:09,622
after the unfortunate events
of the Star-Burns wake riot

4
00:00:09,623 --> 00:00:11,924
instigated
by the Greendale Seven.

5
00:00:11,925 --> 00:00:13,493
But today the guilty parties
have been expelled,

6
00:00:13,494 --> 00:00:15,411
enrollment is up,

7
00:00:15,412 --> 00:00:17,830
and tuition is more affordable
than ever.

8
00:00:17,831 --> 00:00:19,982
And the architect
of this modern-day miracle?

9

1
00:00:02,166 --> 00:00:04,864
So... cellular mitosis
is what?

2
00:00:04,865 --> 00:00:06,081
I miss Troy.

3
00:00:06,082 --> 00:00:07,716
Wrong, and stop guessing that.

4
00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:09,218
Annie.
I'm worried about Abed.

5
00:00:09,219 --> 00:00:11,136
He hasn't left the apartment
since Troy moved out.

6
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,921
He won't even play
in the Dreamatorium.

7
00:00:12,922 --> 00:00:14,056
Sorry, not "play."

8
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,357
"Render
imaginated dreamscapes."

9
00:00:15,358 --> 00:00:18,594
Guys, we just finished