Community - Third Season English Subtitles

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♪ We're gonna fly
To school each morning ♪

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♪ We're gonna smile
The entire time ♪

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♪ We're gonna be more happy ♪

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♪ We're gonna finally be fine ♪

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♪ We're gonna get
More calm and normal ♪

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♪ We're gonna fix
Our state of mind ♪

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♪ We're gonna be less crazy ♪

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♪ We're gonna finally be fine ♪

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♪ We're gonna stand holding
Hands in a brand new land ♪

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By the end of World War II,

2
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President Roosevelt's body
finally succumbed

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00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:09,968
to the polio that afflicted him
his entire life.

4
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,803
Which brings me
to the Yalta Conference.

5
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:15,349
Who can tell me three key points
brought up there? Annie.

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The demilitarization
of Germany...

7
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I'm sorry. Annie Kim.

8
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Demilitarization of Germany,

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establishment

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I really made my bones with
that last collar, babe.

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Today's the day.

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You woke up with
a guard this morning.

4
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But tonight, you're going
to bed with a detective.

5
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,933
Shh...

6
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,602
Okay, you get some rest, okay?

7
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Probably need it.

8
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,282
Here's Ben
dressed like a dragon.

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00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,659
Aww.

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- Didn't they say 304?
- 303. I wrote it down.

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♪ Troy and Abed's
New apartment ♪♪

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Hi.

4
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- Come on in.
- Wow. Okay.

5
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,556
Wow.

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00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,933
What a great place.

7
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,519
You guys...
You guys look so fancy.

8
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,730
We read a book on being hosts.
Rule one, dress to impress.

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00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:26,109
Rule number two, avoid touchy

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Remember, you guys
can have dip, too.

2
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And don't be afraid
to play with the

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rubber spider!

4
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I'll ask again,

5
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are you sure
I can't bring anything?

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I don't understand.
We're having a party,

7
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before we're going
to the real party?

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I think you young people
are just making this crap up.

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00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:22,397

1
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Damn it!

2
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Put the teethy wrench on the
square thing and jiggle it left.

3
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Thanks. By the way,
that square thing

4
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is a Hampton bolt
and a Manacheck maneuver.

5
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,317
Hey. Hey, I'm just here
for the Tater Tots.

6
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:29,363
Wait.
Look, I know you think

7
00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:31,865
you made your mind up about
plumbing, and I respect that.

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00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,785
But come to the third floor
men's room tomorrow after 3.

9

1
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I'm glad you're moving out
of this neighborhood, Annie.

2
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Some dude peed on my car
while I was parking it.

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Oh, you met Spaghetti.
Yeah, I won't miss him.

4
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Speaking of missing people,
how did Jeff dodge this bullet.

5
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,477
Of friendship.

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He was under the weather.
Yeah.

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Thanks. Can you imagine
how much fun this is gonna be?

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Me living with Troy and Abed?

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00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:27,819

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Why did I go Greendale?

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So I can keep my job and get
busy with my education.

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To meet different people.

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Because Greendale's a slam dunk.

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00:00:14,722 --> 00:00:17,349
So why should you...
Why should you go Greendale?

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00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:20,936
That's easy. Greendale has
the most advanced typing class

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in the Southwestern area.

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And now, you can
register by fax.

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00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:27,568
Go, Greendale!
Go, Greendale, go!

1
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Happy Friday. What are you
doing this weekend?

2
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:11,220
The question is, who am I
doing this weekend?

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He's asking because
he's forgotten. It's nobody.

4
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I'm volunteering
at the animal hospital.

5
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Aw.
Animal hospital?

6
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The animals are patients.
Makes sense.

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Dr. Zizmor's
letting me work off

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the cost of Daniel's surgery.

9

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Wow, they found a way to make
the Human Being even creepier.

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Covering him in icicles.
I think it's festive.

3
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Yeah, my favorite
Christmas tradition

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is trimming the Hellraiser.
Guys, found something

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we can watch together for
Christmas this year.

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The long-lost 1981 Inspector
Spacetime Holiday Special.

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00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:21,730
Runtime two-and-a-half hours.

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So critically reviled
that after it aired,

9

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Mm! Ugh.

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Hot 'N' Brown's coffee wakes me
up to the fact its coffee sucks.

3
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I miss having a coffee shop.

4
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,309
Now where am I gonna get
my cappuccinos

5
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,686
and Sarah McLachlan CDs?
It wasn't that great.

6
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I would have served
fresh fruit and sandwiches

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and got rid of take-a-penny,
leave-a-penny nonsense.

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If the Lord wanted you
to have a penny, you'd have one.

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00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:31,365

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Pierce!
Hi!

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Hi!
Hi, Pierce. Oh...

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00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:09,343
Hi.
Hey.

4
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:12,221
Happy New Year, you guys.
Do anything fun over break?

5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,599
Baby Ben got to be Baby Jesus
in our church's Nativity play.

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Andre was Joseph,
Jordan, one of the Wise Men,

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and I was in charge of casting.

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I digitized my entire movie
collection. Goodbye, VHS.

9

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This is a historic day
for Greendale.

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This state-of-the-art Subway
Sandwichery in our cafetorium

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represents Greendale's
first steps forward

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into the realm
of the legitimate.

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Ooh.

6
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:18,477
No problem. You know what,

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I'm gonna get it started
with my teeth.

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The legitimate.
The legitimate...

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1
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:06,840
"Between two groups of people

2
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"who want to make inconsistent
kinds of worlds,

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I see no remedy but force."

4
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Oliver Wendell Holmes.

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There was a point
where all I saw were feathers.

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00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,271
Then I started swinging.

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00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:24,983
And then I hit something
and heard someone fall.

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00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,737
Could've been somebody
from my side.

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00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:33,033
In 2012, Greendale
Community College

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00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,462
Best friends making a cake.

2
00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:04,505
Wait.
Ah.

3
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Best friends making a cake. Pow.

4
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I never thought I'd miss it.

5
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,428
How come I'm not best friends
with anyone?

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00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:14,431
Aww.
Don't patronize me.

7
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,308
- Aww.
- She'll be coming around

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00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,102
the mount dean when she comes.
Whoo-whoo!

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00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:22,064
Letting students know if you're

1
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We are screwed.
How are we gonna memorize this?

2
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,553
Let's just go over it again.
Kingdom, phylum, class.

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00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,847
Order, family, genus, species.

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00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,226
I use a mnemonic device.

5
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"Kevin, please come over
for gay sex."

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00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:24,942
Why wouldn't you use "Karen"?
Because it's gay sex, dummy.

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00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,694
So use "great."
Now I can't remember anything.

8
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:30,948
Thanks.
For all the time you spend here

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00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,450

1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:05,297
Greendale is
represented by two separate,

2
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yet equally important
types of people:

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00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,760
The goofballs that run around
stirring up trouble,

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00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,179
and the eggheads that make
a big deal out of it.

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00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:13,388
These are their stories.

6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,140
You'll be better off
without her.

7
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,267
She was perfect.
Warm, smart, beautiful.

8
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,145
I'm never gonna find another
dental hygienist like that.

9

1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,296
Ah, should be on.

2
00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:06,256
Okay. Ah.

3
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:09,885
Um, my name is Alex Osborne,

4
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,054
and if you're watching this,

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00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,639
it means I'm dead.

6
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:14,932
Or I'm just showing you.

7
00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:18,018
Uh, but I'm probably dead.

8
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:21,605
To my ex-wife Magda,
I leave herpes.

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00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:23,607
But she knows that,
it's dealt with.

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00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,068

1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:03,837
Look at us,
still together as a group,

2
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even, what, two months after being
kicked out of you know where.

3
00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:11,929
Good thing I came up with
this idea for potluck dinners.

4
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,388
All you said was,
"I'm hungry."

5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,933
All Henry Ford said was,
"I need a ride."

6
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,643
Troy, is that a casserole?

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00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:20,562
It's Bagel Bites in a deconstructed
hot pocket reduction

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00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,565
with a Doritos glaze. I really
want to make my food, you know.

9

1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:05,380
Pierce, you made us all
drive out to a warehouse.

2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:07,591
At least tell us why.
I know as much as you.

3
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:10,969
I got a letter from the executor
of my father's estate.

4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,264
Said come with seven friends.
You brought six.

5
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:16,892
Who else was he gonna bring?
LeVar Burton.

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00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,268
- Mr. Hawthorne.
- Oh!

7
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,812
I apologize.
Gilbert. Even from the grave,

8
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:24,191
my father's got you by the short
and curly, salt and pepperies.

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A new day has
dawned at Greendale.

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Some said we'd never bounce back

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after the events
of the Star-Burns wake riot

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00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,385
instigated by
the Greendale seven.

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00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:14,389
The guilty parties have been
expelled, enrollment is up,

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00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,850
and tuition is more
affordable than ever.

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00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,061
The architect of
this modern-day miracle?

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Security chief
Benjamin Franklin Chang,

9

1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,712
So cellular mitosis is what?

2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,340
I miss Troy.
Wrong, and stop guessing that.

3
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:07,883
Annie.
I'm worried about Abed.

4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,511
He hasn't left the apartment
since Troy moved out.

5
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,095
He won't play
in the Dreamatorium.

6
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,723
Sorry, not play,
render imaginated dreamscapes.

7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,226
We just finished retaking
biology all summer.

8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,228
If I don't pass,
it was for nothing.

9