Community - First Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:16,641
Good morning.

2
00:00:19,143 --> 00:00:22,146
How do we turn this off?
Can you help me turn this off?

3
00:00:22,438 --> 00:00:23,481
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

4
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,983
How do we turn this off?
Can you help me with this?

5
00:00:26,275 --> 00:00:27,652
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.

6
00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:30,238
I didn't mean to snap.
Good morning.

7
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,782
Many of you are halfway through

8
00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:36,285
your first week here
at Greendale, and as your dean,

9
00:00:36,577 --> 00:00:38,955
I thought I would share

1
00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:03,921
Good afternoon, Greendale.

2
00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:06,173
I am your dean
with a few corrections

3
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,133
to the fall class catalogue.

4
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,261
Cosmology should be Cosmetology.

5
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,180
Astrology should be Astronomy.

6
00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,682
The students on the cover
should be smiling,

7
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,518
but that's a matter of opinion.

8
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,145
Whoever is growing
a small patch of cannabis

9
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,522
behind the gymnasium,

10

1
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,602
Hey, man.
My name is Jeff.

2
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:20,521
I'm trying to lock down
my schedule

3
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,189
before the deadline.

4
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:23,524
I heard this class
was a cakewalk.

5
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:24,983
Are you passing it?

6
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,028
Do you like Dane Cook?
Yeah, he's awesome.

7
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,405
So far so good.

8
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,867
Death, so called,

9
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,996
Is a thing That makes men weep,

1
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:23,022
Nice day out today, isn't it?
Yeah, shoot.

2
00:00:23,564 --> 00:00:25,149
You forget something?

3
00:00:25,441 --> 00:00:27,985
I forgot to stagger the timing
of my exit with Shirley's.

4
00:00:28,277 --> 00:00:29,737
We both have a class
across campus

5
00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:32,657
and I can't go that distance
with "Oh, that's nice."

6
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,368
That's mean.
No, that's not nice.

7
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,578
I find Shirley
very easy to talk to.

8
00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:41,123
Aren't you supposed to have
a gold medal in jibber jabber?

9

1
00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:05,881
Good morning.
This is your dean reminding you

2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:08,467
that among your school's
prestigious alumni

3
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,052
is Mr. Luis Guzmán.

4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:13,555
Celebrated actor and model
Puerto Rican-American.

5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,641
This Friday,
we will be dedicating

6
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:16,975
a statue of Guzmán,

7
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,311
and unveiling
our brand-new school song.

8
00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:21,730
So, boy, I don't know about you,

9
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,233
but this sure feels like

1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:05,047
A small, fading remnant
of a star.

2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,341
A white dwarf.
That's right.

3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:08,800
I used a memory technique.

4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,636
Dwarves hate
being called midgets,

5
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:13,305
and midgets are small.

6
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,808
And what does a star turn
into after it collapses?

7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,060
A movie of the week.

8
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,853
A black hole.
Right.

9
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,022
Troy,

1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,504
As you know, all
faculty at Greendale

2
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,422
are required to give
extra credit

3
00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:08,342
to students who organize
academically-related events

4
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:13,263
during what would otherwise
be known as our "free time."

5
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,265
No student in any department

6
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:18,852
has ever exercised this option
until now.

7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,815
Tonight, in the library,
I will be hosting

8
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,610
a Día de los Muertos party.
Just relax, just relax.

9

1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:06,131
From now on, we'll refer to each
other by our Spanish nombres.

2
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,509
There will be... What's this?

3
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,971
It's okay, it's okay.
Do it.

4
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,026
Buenos dias, Winger.

5
00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:31,532
Ah. Class dismissed.

6
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:37,621
Hey.

7
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,623
Shirley, look.

8
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,124
I'm Annie's backpack.

9
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:43,085
Stop it, Troy.

10
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:50,342

1
00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:02,753
So then the guy says
to the housekeeper:

2
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:06,006
"Make sure she's dead."
Stop me if you've heard this.

3
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,509
Would've been nice to have
that option 27 minutes ago.

4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:13,472
The housekeeper says,
"We don't have a pool."

5
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:16,225
- And the guy says...
- Good morning, Greendale.

6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,685
Just a reminder,
our debate team will bring home

7
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,146
the championship tomorrow
versus City College.

8
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,981
Go, Human Beings.

9

1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:05,464
Okay, you can hear me?
Okay. Um, good morning.

2
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:09,259
I'm here to kick off
the first day of a new tradition

3
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:12,262
at our school called Green Week.

4
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,014
What?

5
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:17,226
First, a month to black history,
now, seven days on the Irish.

6
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:21,980
All this week, Greendale College
is becoming so Earth-smart

7
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:25,609
that we're changing our name
to Envirodale.

8
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:30,489
But we were already
called Greendale.

9
00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:33,867

1
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,673
I booked a sketch artist,
an improv troupe,

2
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,884
and a laser projecting
a burning pelvis

3
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,385
onto the ceiling.
A laser?

4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:11,929
This isn't
gonna be your mother's

5
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,765
sexually transmitted disease
awareness fair.

6
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:16,350
You've been quite the helper,
Annie.

7
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:19,228
Oh, STD fair, guys.
Catch knowledge.

8
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,111
Mm-mm.

9

1
00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:03,754
Happy last
day before winter break.

2
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,339
Time to visit our loved ones.

3
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:07,925
Some of you will travel
as far as three miles.

4
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,552
Don't forget to visit our
winter wonderland,

5
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,513
where we're giving away
catalogues

6
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:15,182
- of next semester's classes.
- Ha-ha-ha!

7
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,853
Whoa! What's that sound?

8
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:24,399
Is that the tippy-tapping
of secular boots on the roof?

9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:30,072

1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,795
Welcome back!

2
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:06,215
Hi! Hello!
Hi.

3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,716
What did you do over break?

4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:08,884
Oh, it's so awesome.

5
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,177
Me and Abed played
this video game.

6
00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:12,179
It is so dope.
It's a whole city.

7
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:13,597
Drive anywhere.
Rent an apartment.

8
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:16,016
You could do taxes.
Don't get audited.

9
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,018
You could even enroll

1
00:00:02,878 --> 00:00:04,129
Before we start,

2
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,548
I'd like to have
a preliminary powwow,

3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,091
or prelimi-wow,

4
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:09,343
about what I'm calling

5
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:11,220
our library's
back door conundrum.

6
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,013
Sounds like a porno
with Kate Winslet.

7
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:15,140
Abed, ew.

8
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:16,975
The door on that side
is locked after 5,

9
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,645
which means that most of us have
to walk all the way around.

1
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:05,297
Missed you at lunch today.

2
00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:07,424
Did you slip out for a quickie
with Professor Hot Stuff?

3
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,134
Her name's Michelle
and how did you know?

4
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,928
There's a gold star on your fly.

5
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:13,847
You weren't kidding.

6
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:16,016
It's nice to have a girlfriend
with a sense of humor

7
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:17,684
and one who recognizes
good work.

8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,146
See, that's G.
That's the most important chord.

9
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,899
In my mind, it...

1
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,754
It's Valentine's week,

2
00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:07,674
when the Greendale Human Being
is the Cupid Being,

3
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,636
delivering your gift
to that special someone.

4
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:14,306
But remember, Cupid's face
is magic marker on nylon,

5
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:15,682
so love is not only blind

6
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:19,144
but also dizzy
and a little belligerent.

7
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,647
I'm chaperoning
tomorrow's dance.

8
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:24,149
You should come.
Maybe your study buds will go.

9
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,818

1
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:07,674
- Good morning, everybody.
- Hi, Jeff.

2
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,469
I brought bagels.
Oh, I'd love a bagel.

3
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,721
The perfect beginning
for my first day

4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,681
- of billiards class.
- Oh.

5
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,559
Did you pick a special outfit
so you could look sexy shooting pool?

6
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,562
Shirley, I have no idea
what you are talking about.

7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,564
- Ooh.
- Oh!

8
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,068
Thirteen.
Oh, great, so much for baggies.

1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,796
Hey. Haven't seen you
all day.

2
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,131
I've been really busy.

3
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,175
I had to find 30 extra chairs
for my classroom

4
00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:10,135
since it's Family Day.
Oh. Speaking of,

5
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,054
I was gonna invite mom
so you could meet her

6
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,348
but, uh, she still thinks
I'm a lawyer.

7
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,475
Look. The Human Being
has little human with it.

8
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,477
How bloodcurdlingly adorable.

9
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:19,937

1
00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:02,961
I had to get up so early
for my bus

2
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:05,631
I caught the tail end of what Cinemax
gets up to at night.

3
00:00:05,923 --> 00:00:07,090
Subscription cancelled.

4
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,384
I got that channel for Eddie Murphy
movies, not stimulation.

5
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,637
Wait, why are you taking the bus?
What happened to your minivan?

6
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,096
My ex-husband needed it.

7
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,682
The person he's dating
works at a club

8
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,017
an hour from the city.

9
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,852
I'll play a violin for them

1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,462
Good morning, Greendale.

2
00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:06,256
As you know,
it is April Fools' Day.

3
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,967
Just kidding. It's the day
before April Fools. See what I did there?

4
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,552
Baba Booey, Baba Booey,
Baba Booey

5
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,430
You know what, Leonard?
Strike two.

6
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,351
Just reminding you to keep

7
00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,728
any April Fools pranks
physically safe,

8
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,689
politically balanced
and racially accessible.

9
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,483

1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:04,505
I think I'm failing
Psychopharmacology.

2
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:06,131
Why are you taking that?

3
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:09,718
I thought it was a class
about crazy farm animals, okay?

4
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,804
Let's finish the unit.
I don't wanna be late for lunch.

5
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:14,431
Amar is to love, right?

6
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,099
Oh, speaking of love,

7
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,769
Shirley, how's it going
with the sexy dreadlock guy?

8
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:20,979
Oh, I'm sure I don't have
a chance with him.

9
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,482
Abed and I talked to him

1
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:07,007
Hey, Britta,
what are you gonna knitta?

2
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:09,134
Good mood, bad rhyme,

3
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:11,386
and is that a carb
on your plate?

4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,222
I got a B on my nutrition final,

5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,600
and I am celebrating with pie
and a dollop of whipped irony.

6
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,311
Nice. I'm knitting something
for my new cat.

7
00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:21,313
It's been two weeks
since I lost Suzie B,

8
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:22,022
I figured
it was time to move on.

9
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,483

1
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:07,299
Raisins don't belong
in chocolate chip cookie.

2
00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,843
It gives them depth.
Hey, watch it, punk.

3
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,345
What are you, 80?

4
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,305
He's the one
trying to bring back disco.

5
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,516
I don't have to be old
to know it's not gonna happen.

6
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,562
What it is, soul brother.

7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,315
My boys will make me breakfast
in bed for Mother's Day.

8
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,193
Well, actually I'm gonna make the breakfast and
get in there, but they're gonna bring it to me.

9
00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:27,736

1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,463
It's hard
to believe finals are here.

2
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:06,840
And I know that
during this stressful time,

3
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:09,176
my voice blaring over a PA
can't help.

4
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,553
Which is why,
for the next three days,

5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,848
you'll hear nothing
but soothing sounds of nature.

6
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,184
And to kick it off,
here's a babbling brook.

7
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,898
Will anyone back me up
if I say this is ridiculous,

8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,317
or is it gonna be
another Avatar situation?

1
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,554
Thanks for a great year.
You got it.

2
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:17,559
Mr. Winger. I hope you will be
seizing the day this summer.

3
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,937
Thanks, Professor Whitman.
And I hope you'll be seizing

4
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,772
a more contemporary movie.

5
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:24,149
Looking good, Leonard.
Stroke or tai chi?

6
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,443
Tai chi.
Keep it up.

7
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,321
And keep up whatever it is
you're doing, Garrett.

8
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,282
It's called chillaxing.
Duh.

9