Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Third Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:01,022 --> 00:00:02,655
Previously on
"Brooklyn Nine-Nine"...

2
00:00:02,656 --> 00:00:05,194
I'm being transferred
to the public relations office.

3
00:00:05,228 --> 00:00:07,218
I am leaving the Nine-Nine
effective immediately.

4
00:00:19,016 --> 00:00:20,883
Hello.
I'm your new commanding officer,

5
00:00:20,884 --> 00:00:22,351
Captain Seth Dozerman.

6
00:00:22,386 --> 00:00:25,621
My motto is simple: Efficiency,
efficiency, efficiency.

7
00:00:25,656 --> 00:00:27,123
Could probably
just say it once.

8
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,191
Are you making fun
of my stutter?

9

1
00:00:00,865 --> 00:00:03,483
Okay, squad,
the funeral's at 3:00,

2
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followed by a reception
at Shaw's Bar.

3
00:00:05,653 --> 00:00:07,819
I want you all
on your best behavior.

4
00:00:07,855 --> 00:00:09,055
Yeah, and all eyes
are gonna be on us

5
00:00:09,056 --> 00:00:10,822
because Frick and Frack here
killed Captain Dozerman.

6
00:00:10,858 --> 00:00:12,892
Hey, we accidentally
startled a man

7
00:00:12,893 --> 00:00:14,661
with a genetic heart condition.

8
00:00:14,662 --> 00:00:16,742
If you really think about it,
his parents killed him.

9

1
00:00:02,962 --> 00:00:05,764
Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare to start clapping,

2
00:00:05,765 --> 00:00:07,766
'cause I just made
a major drug bust.

3
00:00:07,767 --> 00:00:10,569
Talking about four kilos
of cocaine,

4
00:00:10,570 --> 00:00:11,987
$200,000 cash,

5
00:00:11,988 --> 00:00:16,308
and my new partner,
a tarantula.

6
00:00:16,309 --> 00:00:18,977
I call him Jake Jr.,
aka Spidey Klum,

7
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:21,646
aka Mrs. Doubtspider,
aka Joe Spiden,

8
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:24,950
aka tarantula basset,
aka Spi-dermot Mulrooney.

9

1
00:00:00,955 --> 00:00:02,315
All right, ladies,
I don't got a whole lot

2
00:00:02,316 --> 00:00:03,502
of time here, so what do you say

3
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:05,861
we make like Boyle's mom
and you debrief me?

4
00:00:05,895 --> 00:00:07,295
Didn't happen,
and I should know.

5
00:00:07,296 --> 00:00:08,363
She tells me everything.

6
00:00:08,364 --> 00:00:09,648
Yeah, not everything, Chucky.

7
00:00:09,649 --> 00:00:10,765
She took off my undies.

8
00:00:10,783 --> 00:00:11,782
Hey, Peralta.

9
00:00:11,784 --> 00:00:12,784
What is that?

10

1
00:00:00,930 --> 00:00:02,203
Good morning, Boyle.

2
00:00:02,204 --> 00:00:06,170
It's Halloween... I'm surprised
you didn't put on a costume.

3
00:00:06,171 --> 00:00:08,138
I was going to, sir,
but then I decided,

4
00:00:08,139 --> 00:00:09,673
"screw that jazz."

5
00:00:09,674 --> 00:00:11,942
Well, I'm the only one
who ever dresses up,

6
00:00:11,943 --> 00:00:13,577
no one ever gets my costume,

7
00:00:13,578 --> 00:00:15,479
and they make fun of me...
so I'm done.

8
00:00:15,514 --> 00:00:18,182
These people don't deserve
my dress-up gifts.

9
00:00:19,284 --> 00:00:21,585
Charles, seriously?

1
00:00:04,018 --> 00:00:06,100
Falcon one, do we have a go?

2
00:00:06,101 --> 00:00:08,050
The light is green, tiger one.

3
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,767
What are you gonna say when
you crash through the window?

4
00:00:09,768 --> 00:00:11,932
Hey, there,
sorry for dropping in.

5
00:00:11,933 --> 00:00:14,267
Goose bumps, Jake.
Goose bumps.

6
00:00:14,268 --> 00:00:15,602
- Is the equipment secure?
- Check.

7
00:00:15,603 --> 00:00:16,636
- Weapon loaded?
- Check.

8
00:00:16,637 --> 00:00:17,703
Did you have breakfast?

9
00:00:17,738 --> 00:00:19,104
What?

1
00:00:01,432 --> 00:00:03,435
Hey, Jakey, the place
on the corner

2
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is serving lemonade,
and you get to keep the jar.

3
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:06,672
It's pretty cool.

4
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,575
Yes, that's very cool, Scully.

5
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:10,576
Mm-hmm.

6
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,010
Will you excuse me
just one moment?

7
00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:13,010
Oh, sure.

8
00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:15,013
Guys, guys, guys!

9
00:00:15,014 --> 00:00:17,249
Scully has a mason jar
full of lemonade.

1
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Cluck, cluck!
Gobble, gobble!

2
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:04,933
Guess who just came from

3
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the P.S. 321
Thanksgiving Parade?

4
00:00:08,538 --> 00:00:09,638
Charles, you actually might...

5
00:00:09,639 --> 00:00:11,840
Who's Charles?
I'm Tommy Gobbler.

6
00:00:11,841 --> 00:00:15,310
And I'm stuffed with
Thanksgiving happiness!

7
00:00:15,311 --> 00:00:16,311
Gobble, gobble!

8
00:00:16,312 --> 00:00:18,447
- Seriously, Charles...
- Uh-uh, I warned you!

9
00:00:18,448 --> 00:00:21,616
I'm Tommy Gobbler,

1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,212
My fellow detectives,
ours is not an easy job.

2
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The hours are long.

3
00:00:05,448 --> 00:00:06,949
The danger is constant.

4
00:00:06,950 --> 00:00:09,051
The pay is LOL.

5
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,751
But today, a glimmer of hope.

6
00:00:10,787 --> 00:00:14,423
For today... a new
vending machine.

7
00:00:16,025 --> 00:00:18,260
Behold him in all of his glory.

8
00:00:18,261 --> 00:00:21,597
So full of strength and promise,
and most importantly,

9
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sodium, gluten, and fat.

10

1
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Come here! Come here!
Come here!

2
00:00:05,159 --> 00:00:06,360
You got to see this.

3
00:00:06,361 --> 00:00:08,394
I'm about to give
Captain Holt his gift.

4
00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:10,764
Oh, did he lift
his "no gift" policy?

5
00:00:10,765 --> 00:00:12,032
No, he didn't.

6
00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:14,134
But I figured out a way
to buy him something

7
00:00:14,135 --> 00:00:16,169
and trick him
into accepting it.

8
00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:18,405
- You are bad.
- I know, right?

9
00:00:18,406 --> 00:00:19,839

1
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Peralta, are you eating
an italian sub for breakfast?

2
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I am, but Amy said I should
eat more veggies

3
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:09,651
so I got extra pepper chili.

4
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Smart.

5
00:00:11,988 --> 00:00:13,288
Uh, excuse me.

6
00:00:13,289 --> 00:00:14,388
You need to watch yourself.

7
00:00:14,423 --> 00:00:16,258
I'm sorry...
cop.

8
00:00:16,259 --> 00:00:19,227
All right, let's everybody
just stay calm here.

9
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:20,228
Or what?

1
00:00:02,909 --> 00:00:04,276
Morning, everyone.

2
00:00:04,277 --> 00:00:05,811
Morning, sir.

3
00:00:05,812 --> 00:00:07,112
Hey, look.

4
00:00:07,113 --> 00:00:09,114
We're food stain buds.

5
00:00:09,115 --> 00:00:10,916
Who are you wearing?
Porridge?

6
00:00:10,917 --> 00:00:12,518
Um,

7
00:00:12,519 --> 00:00:14,653
oatmeal.

8
00:00:14,654 --> 00:00:15,754
Hmm.

9
00:00:15,755 --> 00:00:17,679
Oh, my God.

10
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:18,824
He didn't even wipe it off.

1
00:00:01,691 --> 00:00:02,717
Okey doke.

2
00:00:02,718 --> 00:00:04,619
The car is picking me and Amy
up in two minutes.

3
00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:06,154
You sure you're cool
keeping tabs on my cases

4
00:00:06,155 --> 00:00:07,355
while I'm on the cruise?

5
00:00:07,356 --> 00:00:08,824
You bet. I hope
you have a great time.

6
00:00:08,825 --> 00:00:11,292
Hey, don't make
any new best friends.

7
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:14,763
Oh.
Maybe you shouldn't go.

8
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:16,398
Are you kidding?
I am psyched to go

9
00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:19,000

1
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Gather around,
glorious turd monsters,

2
00:00:04,197 --> 00:00:07,366
and feast your eyes on
what I hold in this hand:

3
00:00:07,367 --> 00:00:09,568
the future of movement...
a hoverboard.

4
00:00:09,569 --> 00:00:10,903
I don't understand those things.

5
00:00:10,904 --> 00:00:12,771
Is walking really
so hard for you?

6
00:00:12,806 --> 00:00:15,073
Oh, Ames, walking's a nightmare.

7
00:00:15,108 --> 00:00:16,108
Yeah, Amy.

8
00:00:16,109 --> 00:00:20,312
Now, friends, eat
my space dust.

9
00:00:22,449 --> 00:00:25,951
Okay, a little harder to control

1
00:00:01,707 --> 00:00:02,807
Ladies and gentlemen,

2
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welcome to the most
anticipated event

3
00:00:04,343 --> 00:00:06,710
in this precinct's history.

4
00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:10,314
The auction for...

5
00:00:10,349 --> 00:00:11,916
The Suitcase of Mystery!

6
00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:13,417
Exactly, Jacob.

7
00:00:13,452 --> 00:00:17,989
This puppy's been in the lost
and found since 1976.

8
00:00:17,990 --> 00:00:20,859
No one alive today
knows its contents.

9
00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:22,360
I'm happy to say Captain Holt

10

1
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:05,112
Hey, Gina!
We got an anonymous gift basket.

2
00:00:05,113 --> 00:00:06,193
Yeah, it's full of treats.

3
00:00:06,194 --> 00:00:08,024
It's got meats, cheeses,
candies,

4
00:00:08,025 --> 00:00:09,034
all the food groups.

5
00:00:09,035 --> 00:00:10,115
The cheese is amazing.

6
00:00:10,116 --> 00:00:12,986
It melts in my mouth
and in my hands.

7
00:00:12,987 --> 00:00:15,752
Hmm, French chocolates,
French cheeses,

8
00:00:15,753 --> 00:00:17,039
tiny French pickles.

9
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,210
Did none of you detectives
think this might be a gift

1
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:02,834
Hey Jake, can I show you
something over here?

2
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:03,842
Sure thing, bud.

3
00:00:03,843 --> 00:00:05,344
I'm trying to send
Genevieve a sexy pic.

4
00:00:05,345 --> 00:00:06,678
Does this make
my bubble butt pop?

5
00:00:06,746 --> 00:00:07,913
Nope.
I'm out.

6
00:00:11,150 --> 00:00:14,453
- Who's that?
- I don't know.

7
00:00:14,454 --> 00:00:17,656
Um, excuse me, pal.
Think you're at my desk.

8
00:00:17,657 --> 00:00:19,057
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

9
00:00:19,058 --> 00:00:20,125

1
00:00:01,623 --> 00:00:02,790
Attention, everyone!

2
00:00:02,791 --> 00:00:05,624
Say good-bye to the Jake Peralta
you know and love,

3
00:00:05,627 --> 00:00:08,329
for today is the day
I forever change.

4
00:00:08,330 --> 00:00:10,064
Ooh, are you finally
growing a mustache?

5
00:00:10,098 --> 00:00:11,398
No, you know I can't do that,

6
00:00:11,399 --> 00:00:13,167
and it's cruel of you
to keep bringing it up.

7
00:00:13,201 --> 00:00:15,669
This envelope contains
the inheritance my uncle left me.

8
00:00:15,670 --> 00:00:17,905
He died a year ago;
he was so rich,

9
00:00:17,906 --> 00:00:19,907

1
00:00:02,634 --> 00:00:04,235
Bonjour, mes amis.

2
00:00:04,236 --> 00:00:06,103
Oh, someone had
a good time in Paris.

3
00:00:06,104 --> 00:00:08,339
Oh, Kevin and I shared
a perfect week together.

4
00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:11,108
I feel like I'm floating
on a croissant.

5
00:00:11,109 --> 00:00:13,978
I wonder why people don't just
break into song more often.

6
00:00:13,979 --> 00:00:16,413
I've been asking you
for months if I could

7
00:00:16,414 --> 00:00:17,615
answer the phone like,

8
00:00:17,616 --> 00:00:20,417
♪ Who dis? ♪

9
00:00:20,452 --> 00:00:21,885
Give it a whirl, girl.

1
00:00:01,964 --> 00:00:03,297
Listen up, everyone.

2
00:00:03,298 --> 00:00:05,332
While Captain Holt's out of town
at his conference,

3
00:00:05,333 --> 00:00:07,635
I'm in charge,
which means, Jake,

4
00:00:07,636 --> 00:00:09,337
I order you to throw out
that gingerbread house.

5
00:00:09,338 --> 00:00:10,805
- It's from Christmas.
- Fine.

6
00:00:10,806 --> 00:00:13,107
But you're gonna be leaving
a lot of ants with no home.

7
00:00:13,141 --> 00:00:16,610
Check it out, losers.
Guess who got their dealer!

8
00:00:16,645 --> 00:00:18,212
Nice!
How'd it go down?

9

1
00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:08,277
Ka-blamo, scrubs.

2
00:00:08,302 --> 00:00:09,278
I nailed it.

3
00:00:09,303 --> 00:00:11,012
I solved Captain Holt's brain teaser

4
00:00:11,037 --> 00:00:12,809
and found the location
of our secret meeting.

5
00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:14,386
The answer? The broom closet.

6
00:00:14,411 --> 00:00:15,223
In your face.

7
00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,575
- In whose face now?
- Yours.

8
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,357
Gina and I have been here 20 minutes.

9
00:00:18,382 --> 00:00:20,227
Though my presence is
not puzzle-related.

10

1
00:00:00,938 --> 00:00:02,120
I called you here

2
00:00:02,121 --> 00:00:06,594
to discuss where we are
with Operation 225641441636324.

3
00:00:07,123 --> 00:00:08,190
What?

4
00:00:08,191 --> 00:00:10,159
I assigned a numerical
value to each letter

5
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,460
in the word "pimento,"
which I then squared.

6
00:00:12,495 --> 00:00:13,529
Oh, Captain.

7
00:00:13,530 --> 00:00:15,730
How dare you try
and sneak math into this?

8
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,099
Peralta.

9
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,934
Update us on Santiago's
undercover prison operation.

1
00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:03,726
Come on, come on, Captain,
pick up.

2
00:00:03,727 --> 00:00:05,894
Your friend Bob is secretly working
for Jimmy "the Butcher" Figgis.

3
00:00:05,895 --> 00:00:07,442
This is a call you're
gonna want to take.

4
00:00:07,443 --> 00:00:08,745
Bob must've done something
to him.

5
00:00:08,746 --> 00:00:10,332
Or maybe they're talking
about something super boring,

6
00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:11,868
like potatoes or beans.

7
00:00:11,869 --> 00:00:14,232
White rice, brown rice...

8
00:00:14,233 --> 00:00:16,400
those are just some
of the rices I love.

9
00:00:16,401 --> 00:00:18,245