Alfred Hitchcock Presents - Fourth Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:29,692
Good evening.

2
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,596
Here we are,
in orbit once again.

3
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:39,067
Most of tonight's program will be
taken up with a story called, "Poison. "

4
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,137
A rattlesnake.

5
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,408
It's a new warning device
I've instituted

6
00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:53,350
to sound an alarm when
a pickpocket is at work.

7
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,445
It comes in
several sizes,

8
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:58,582
including very small ones
for ladies' purses.

9
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,561

1
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,960
Good evening,
fellow tourists.

2
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:38,538
I think this proves that in some areas
the airplane can never replace the train.

3
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,639
The gentleman who tied me
here was most thoughtful.

4
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:47,145
In order to keep the railroad
tires from chaffing my hips

5
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,340
he put me on an anthill.

6
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:52,214
And in the event I wanted
to do some reading,

7
00:00:52,318 --> 00:00:55,116
he left me
a railroad timetable.

8
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:57,713
I have found it
most useful.

9

1
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,287
Good evening.

2
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:34,425
It grieves me to announce that it will be
impossible for my cousin, Alvin Hitchcock,

3
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:37,766
to entertain you
with his singing.

4
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:42,433
He fell victim to a crowd
of teenage souvenir hunters.

5
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:46,206
After first helping themselves
to bits of his clothing,

6
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:49,771
they began snipping off
locks of his hair.

7
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,680
He held still for that.

8
00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:54,686
After all, he certainly
needed a haircut.

9
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:57,279

1
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:29,688
Oh, good evening.

2
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:32,390
I don't know
what this means.

3
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,764
They won't tell me
why I've been arrested.

4
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,869
They keep saying,
"Your turn will come. "

5
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,733
I don't like
the sound of it.

6
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,342
But, Officers,
I didn't do a thing.

7
00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:47,273
Okay, you,
it's your turn now.

8
00:00:55,889 --> 00:01:00,326
:: Mr: Hitchcock, I understand your
category is television commercials:

9

1
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:31,262
Good evening.
My name is Alfred Hitchcock.

2
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:35,461
And the program is
Alfred Hitchcock Presents:

3
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:38,231
In the interest of
enlightening our audience,

4
00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:42,934
we are inaugurating a new policy
for this portion of the program.

5
00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:48,470
From time to time, we plan to interview
important figures in various fields.

6
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:50,915
Tonight, we have with us

7
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:55,148
one of the world's
outstanding mathematicians.

8
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If you will, sir.

9
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,889

1
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,604
Good evening
ladies and gentlemen.

2
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:43,701
A simple incident can change
one's life with dazzling swiftness.

3
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:48,107
In a single day, my pet caught
a glimpse of his pedigree

4
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:50,240
and my family tree.

5
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,986
Now, he won't sleep anywhere
but in the house.

6
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,284
He's rather large,
as you can see.

7
00:00:56,589 --> 00:00:59,183
I shudder to think what he'll
be like when he grows up.

8
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:04,454
Tonight's narrative is called
"Design For Loving. "

9

1
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One, two, three, four.

2
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:38,431
One, two, three, four.

3
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:42,607
Now raise your hands above
your head. Higher. Higher.

4
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:47,402
I wish to take this opportunity
to welcome you latecomers to

5
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,812
Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

6
00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:54,151
Someone suggested I go
to a slim and trim class.

7
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:58,748
And I decided to go even
further and start one of my own.

8
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:02,784
Here to encourage you
beginners is an illustration

9
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:06,127
of what hard work and

1
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:49,146
Well, as Mother used to say, "It's
better to be safe than sorry. "

2
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:53,311
Actually, what you've just seen
is not to be taken seriously.

3
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:57,846
It was all make-believe.
All play-acting.

4
00:00:57,924 --> 00:01:01,758
Of course, the gun is
genuine and was loaded.

5
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:05,525
But the doctor isn't a
real doctor, he's an actor.

6
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:07,589
I think it's interesting
that the duel

7
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:10,261
is no longer
considered good form,

8
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:14,432
while cold-blooded murder
is more popular than ever.

1
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:30,429
You are
very sleepy.

2
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,625
You can't seem to
hold your eyes open.

3
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:35,898
You're beginning
to drift.

4
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:39,132
You're drifting.
You're sound asleep.

5
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,798
Can you hear me?

6
00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:43,536
Yes.

7
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,710
Say, "Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen. "

8
00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:51,382
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

9
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:54,076

1
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,562
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

2
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:36,333
No, this is not a
production of Hamlet:

3
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:39,031
I'm indulging
in a hobby.

4
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,766
Archeology.

5
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,900
I've unearthed
the grave of a man

6
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,605
who lived thousands
of years ago.

7
00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:50,479
Obviously, we've changed
somewhat since then.

8
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,883
This man was buried
with all his possessions.

9

1
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:33,359
Good evening, partners, cattle
rustlers, wranglers, desert rats,

2
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,327
varmints, hombres,
and all you prospectors

3
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:42,307
who futilely comb the hills of
television looking for something of value.

4
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:47,310
This is no mirage.
No optical illusion.

5
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,282
I'm as real as a piece
of motion picture film.

6
00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:54,684
As authentic as a shadow.

7
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,051
As for tonight's play,

8
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:58,784
I'm afraid I have
disappointing news.

9
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:02,127

1
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,617
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

2
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,191
First of all,
I want to make it clear

3
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:35,723
that we always appreciate
constructive criticism.

4
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:40,200
Any expression of your
feeling is always welcome.

5
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:45,537
We have a very warm feeling
toward our viewers.

6
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:50,743
We know they are intelligent,
discerning and warm-hearted.

7
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,677
Present company excepted,
of course.

8
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:55,846
Yes?

9

1
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,359
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

2
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:37,396
In the television business, it's extremely
difficult to keep both feet on the ground.

3
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:41,332
I'd be happy if I had
just one foot down there.

4
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,839
If you think
this is easy,

5
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:47,141
you should see me trying
to get through a doorway.

6
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,113
And yesterday,
I accidentally

7
00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:50,809
stepped through
a window.

8
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,752
If my arm hadn't caught in the
sash, I might still be going.

1
00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:29,160
Good evening.

2
00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:31,891
I am answering
my correspondence.

3
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:36,493
I receive some very interesting
letters, threatening and otherwise.

4
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:42,505
"Dear Mr. Hitchcock, I am a
man of 60 with a wife of 22.

5
00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:46,843
"We have a handsome young
man of 25 rooming with us.

6
00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:50,872
"Yesterday, I discovered
ground glass in my sugar.

7
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,781
"Isn't this unusual?

8
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:54,183
"Anxious. "

9
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:58,146
Dear Anxious,

1
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:32,290
Good evening.

2
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,859
My sobriety is under question,
but not in a way you think.

3
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:40,136
This is a joviality test.

4
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:44,939
I do this before each
program to test my spirits.

5
00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:51,147
I seem to have passed
with flying colors.

6
00:00:51,684 --> 00:00:55,916
Once again, I wish to welcome you
to Alfred Hitchcock Presents

7
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:59,822
for another half hour
of group therapy.

8
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:05,661
I'm told there is nothing like a good
murder to work off one's antagonisms.

9
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,996

1
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,131
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

2
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:36,267
And watch your step,
please.

3
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,870
I'm certain
that any of you

4
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:44,000
who have wearily
pushed rich maiden aunts

5
00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:46,773
in their wheelchairs

6
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:50,043
share my appreciation
of elevator shafts.

7
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:54,542
I also find the elevator
quite easy to operate.

8
00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:58,889
It works just
like a yo-yo.

9

1
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,787
Good evening, friends

2
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,489
and critics.

3
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:37,866
Welcome to
Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

4
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:43,203
I say this for those of you
who may be under the impression,

5
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:48,006
you have tuned into
a production of Salome

6
00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:50,811
with me playing
John the Baptist.

7
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:59,424
I'm sure you're wondering why I, of
all people, would be in a steam cabinet.

8
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,861
Actually, I'm having
my suit pressed

9
00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:06,728

1
00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:29,624
Good evening,
friends and suspects.

2
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,861
From time to time,

3
00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:37,665
we receive letters asking
us to help viewers commit

4
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:40,001
the perfect crime.

5
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,908
Naturally, we don't want
to be put in a position

6
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,376
of encouraging
hardened criminals.

7
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,342
Amateurs, perhaps.

8
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:54,115
I think the first thing to remember
is not to leave fingerprints around.

9
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,919
Where homicide is concerned,

1
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,283
Good evening.

2
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:33,489
This is the most difficult and frustrating
game of croquet I've ever played.

3
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:37,459
I seem to be able to
drive the ball quite well,

4
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:41,064
but my shoulders keep
getting stuck in the wickets.

5
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,075
It's all very trying.

6
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:48,240
Actually, I've consented
to stand here like a watch fob

7
00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:51,977
in order to dramatize the
subject of tonight's story.

8
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:56,079
It concerns one of our
oldest institutions.

9
00:00:56,556 --> 00:01:00,185

1
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:27,760
Oh, good evening.

2
00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:30,828
We seem to have had
an art exhibition here.

3
00:00:31,513 --> 00:00:34,505
I realize artists
are supposed to suffer,

4
00:00:34,457 --> 00:00:36,516
but I can't understand
why they insist

5
00:00:36,506 --> 00:00:38,997
on sharing
their sufferings with us.

6
00:00:44,731 --> 00:00:47,325
This one is called,
"Nursery Wall. "

7
00:00:52,669 --> 00:00:54,261
Strawberry jam.

8
00:00:55,678 --> 00:00:58,238
Now, we come to
the prize-winner.

9
00:01:01,472 --> 00:01:03,770

1
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,783
Good evening.

2
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:30,490
This began when
someone asked me

3
00:00:30,408 --> 00:00:33,775
if I wanted to go into
the advertising business.

4
00:00:34,566 --> 00:00:38,730
I always imagined it had
more dignity than this.

5
00:00:38,629 --> 00:00:43,589
Of course, the term "sandwich
boards" intrigued me, too.

6
00:00:43,459 --> 00:00:49,261
Little did I know that I
would serve as the baloney.

7
00:00:49,089 --> 00:00:51,956
As for baloney,
more of that in a moment.

8
00:00:53,312 --> 00:00:57,442
The possibilities of this type
of advertising are limitless.

9

1
00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:30,325
Good evening,
fellow creatures.

2
00:00:30,302 --> 00:00:35,001
I've been working
as an aeronautical engineer.

3
00:00:35,646 --> 00:00:38,615
I'm developing safety devices.

4
00:00:48,316 --> 00:00:50,978
Well, it was better
than the last time.

5
00:00:52,155 --> 00:00:55,124
For a moment,
I thought I was out of a job.

6
00:00:55,354 --> 00:00:58,721
Tonight's drama is called
"The Right Price. "

7
00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:02,065
For those purists who
like to see the connection

8
00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:05,036
between my part of the program
and the story,

9

1
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:27,790
Good evening,
television viewers.

2
00:00:28,226 --> 00:00:32,128
Before we continue
with tonight's motion picture,

3
00:00:32,035 --> 00:00:33,969
allow me
to call your attention

4
00:00:33,956 --> 00:00:39,155
to some of the bargains available
in our used rocket division,

5
00:00:39,013 --> 00:00:40,708
down at Honest Alfred's.

6
00:00:41,638 --> 00:00:45,540
All our rockets are
late one owner models,

7
00:00:45,447 --> 00:00:47,642
with very low mileage.

8
00:00:47,623 --> 00:00:50,990
In fact, some never even
got off the ground.

9
00:00:51,528 --> 00:00:54,053

1
00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:27,291
Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen.

2
00:00:27,263 --> 00:00:30,255
I decided quite suddenly
to go abroad.

3
00:00:30,624 --> 00:00:35,561
It seems a very rich but distant
aunt has disappeared.

4
00:00:35,424 --> 00:00:39,019
I decided to console
myself on the Riviera,

5
00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:43,278
until the matter is cleared up and
the insurance policy paid off.

6
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,685
Ketchup.

7
00:00:49,696 --> 00:00:51,721
It's perfect for travel.

8
00:00:51,712 --> 00:00:56,672
I find a bottle or two will make
any dish taste like home cooking.

9
00:00:58,561 --> 00:01:01,587

1
00:00:28,572 --> 00:00:29,940
Good evening.

2
00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:33,836
Tonight I'm dining at my favorite club.

3
00:00:33,848 --> 00:00:36,496
There are many advantages here.

4
00:00:36,708 --> 00:00:38,544
As you can see

5
00:00:38,556 --> 00:00:41,060
informality is the rule.

6
00:00:41,116 --> 00:00:45,256
There is also the stimulation
of intellectual companionship

7
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:50,320
without the deafening quiet
that pervades in most clubs.

8
00:00:50,488 --> 00:00:53,192
Best of all, I like its privacy.

9
00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:56,476
Only four persons are allowed to the table

10
00:00:56,476 --> 00:01:01,348

1
00:00:26,356 --> 00:00:29,328
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

2
00:00:29,336 --> 00:00:31,832
Please do not be alarmed.

3
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:34,960
Nothing has happened
to your television set.

4
00:00:35,028 --> 00:00:38,588
Nor are you sleeping below
the coffee table again.

5
00:00:38,712 --> 00:00:41,672
We've decided to economize.

6
00:00:41,684 --> 00:00:44,888
Everyone had to take a 50% cut.

7
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,424
I was fortunate.

8
00:00:46,448 --> 00:00:49,408
We have an extremely
short cameraman

9
00:00:49,464 --> 00:00:51,956
who was eliminated entirely.

10

1
00:00:25,456 --> 00:00:27,180
Good evening.

2
00:00:27,604 --> 00:00:30,252
This is called a rack.

3
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:35,216
A kind of medieval chassis law.

4
00:00:35,384 --> 00:00:37,476
The victim lies down

5
00:00:37,482 --> 00:00:41,872
and his limbs are fastened
to the rollers at each end.

6
00:00:41,884 --> 00:00:46,436
The body is then gradually stretched to...

7
00:00:46,442 --> 00:00:49,140
...and passed the breaking point.

8
00:00:49,152 --> 00:00:51,400
They were quite droll in those days.

9
00:00:51,456 --> 00:00:54,060
You see a Latin inscription

10
00:00:54,072 --> 00:00:57,076
placed so the victim can't read it.

1
00:00:30,420 --> 00:00:34,704
Good evening and
please watch the birdy.

2
00:00:34,872 --> 00:00:38,800
Actually we couldn't afford
a birdy for you to watch.

3
00:00:39,024 --> 00:00:41,448
That is why I am here.

4
00:00:41,528 --> 00:00:44,332
My camera is a new one.

5
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:46,880
And I'm quite proud of it.

6
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,828
Oh this.

7
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,624
This is an attachment of my own.

8
00:00:52,692 --> 00:00:57,032
I find it invaluable for
making the subjects sit still.

9
00:00:57,044 --> 00:00:59,580
It's really quite effective.

10

1
00:00:34,816 --> 00:00:37,420
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

2
00:00:37,432 --> 00:00:40,436
And welcome to darkest Hollywood.

3
00:00:41,016 --> 00:00:44,076
Night brings a stillness to the jungle.

4
00:00:44,288 --> 00:00:48,272
It is so quiet
you can hear a name drop.

5
00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:54,160
But the savage beasts have already begun
gathering at the water holes to quench their thirst.

6
00:00:54,372 --> 00:00:57,744
Now one should be especially alert.

7
00:00:57,756 --> 00:01:01,028
The vicious tablehopper
is on the prowl.

8
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:05,812
And the spotted back biter
may lurk behind a potted plant.

9
00:01:05,792 --> 00:01:08,808
In order to reach the
scene of tonight's story

1
00:00:27,624 --> 00:00:32,068
Good evening fellow members
of the beat generation.

2
00:00:32,524 --> 00:00:36,396
Thank you for allowing me in your pad.

3
00:00:37,396 --> 00:00:41,410
Some of you cats are no doubt
wondering how I got with it.

4
00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:45,617
Well man, getting in this
generation isn't hard.

5
00:00:45,624 --> 00:00:47,705
No daddy oh.

6
00:00:47,705 --> 00:00:50,786
You just lie about your age.

7
00:00:50,986 --> 00:00:53,626
But I didn't join just for kicks.

8
00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:55,646
Or just to dig the crazy types.

9
00:00:55,646 --> 00:00:57,466
No man.

10

1
00:00:27,136 --> 00:00:30,664
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

2
00:00:30,932 --> 00:00:36,640
And welcome to Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

3
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:49,192
I am busy getting ready for tonight's play.

4
00:00:49,208 --> 00:00:53,860
Which is a courtroom drama
and it's called "Your Witness".

5
00:00:54,072 --> 00:01:00,604
Before court convenes however,
we have our usual 1 minute recess.

6
00:01:36,476 --> 00:01:37,802
Good afternoon, Mrs. Shawn.

7
00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:39,228
Oh, good afternoon.

8
00:01:39,234 --> 00:01:42,636
Can you tell me which of the courtrooms
my husband is trying his case?

9
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,087
First turn to the left, Mrs. Shawn.

10

1
00:00:26,168 --> 00:00:27,482
Good evening.

2
00:00:27,482 --> 00:00:32,610
Do you enjoy assembling your own high
fidelity or stereophonic sound systems

3
00:00:32,668 --> 00:00:36,840
with their complicated components
and speakers on every wall?

4
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:41,016
Then you will be especially interested
in what I'm about to show you.

5
00:00:41,016 --> 00:00:46,536
I have just developed what I consider
the latest in sound reproduction.

6
00:00:46,692 --> 00:00:52,936
This is designed for those persons who
desire simplicity rather than fidelity.

7
00:00:52,992 --> 00:00:55,764
As you can see there
is only one speaker.

8
00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:58,500
Nor is that the only improvement.

9
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:02,464

1
00:00:25,968 --> 00:00:27,792
Good evening.

2
00:00:27,816 --> 00:00:33,312
It is always pleasant
to greet old customers.

3
00:00:33,904 --> 00:00:36,296
As you know

4
00:00:36,308 --> 00:00:41,672
I have always been a great believer
that there is safety in numbers.

5
00:00:41,684 --> 00:00:46,368
Provided those numbers
are preceded by dollar sign.

6
00:00:46,592 --> 00:00:51,244
Working in a bank has also taught
me a great deal about people.

7
00:00:51,256 --> 00:00:57,488
Most of them don't seem to be able to
fill out our withdrawal slips properly.

8
00:00:57,812 --> 00:01:02,852
Here is one I handled recently,
a typical example.

9
00:01:02,876 --> 00:01:06,304

1
00:00:25,812 --> 00:00:27,020
Good evening.

2
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,328
Please don't be alarmed.

3
00:00:29,340 --> 00:00:32,544
This is just a routine checkup.

4
00:00:51,568 --> 00:00:55,852
It seems to me she could take my
blood pressure with a tyre gauge.

5
00:00:55,864 --> 00:00:59,760
If you don't care to watch the
details of my physical examination

6
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:04,292
perhaps you would enjoy perusing
my doctor's collection of X-rays

7
00:01:04,292 --> 00:01:07,158
of prominent personalities.

8
00:01:23,008 --> 00:01:25,880
The following is a true and full account

9
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:30,368
and hereby sworn to by me
Paul Brett, attorney-at-law.

1
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:45,824
Good evening amigos.

2
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:50,476
I feel the day of the illiterate
swordsman has passed.

3
00:00:50,532 --> 00:00:53,604
They seem to be spending
so much time writing

4
00:00:53,604 --> 00:00:57,026
but they are neglecting
the really important work

5
00:00:57,032 --> 00:00:59,536
skewering opponents.

6
00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:02,664
It's a very unhealthy
state of affairs.

7
00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:05,864
Take this gentleman for example.
Listen.

8
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,760
He couldn't possibly win a duel.

9
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,670
Yet he can write 60 words a minute.

1
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,668
Good evening parents.

2
00:00:39,676 --> 00:00:41,788
And welcome once again

3
00:00:41,788 --> 00:00:45,600
to Uncle Alfred storybook.

4
00:00:48,228 --> 00:00:50,638
We thought it would be refreshing

5
00:00:50,644 --> 00:00:53,516
to present a children's program at night

6
00:00:53,516 --> 00:00:56,052
after the little darlings were in bed

7
00:00:56,052 --> 00:00:58,880
so that adults could
watch it undisturbed

8
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,352
and without all that peanut
butter on the picture tube.

9
00:01:02,364 --> 00:01:06,704
Tonight's fairy tale comes
to you slightly expurgated.

10