30 Rock - Fifth Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:01,587 --> 00:00:03,521
No, Tom Jones! No!

2
00:00:05,058 --> 00:00:06,491
- Lemon, it's Jack.
- Who Jackie?

3
00:00:06,592 --> 00:00:10,289
Oh, Lemon. Avery and I just got back
from the most amazing vacation

4
00:00:10,396 --> 00:00:12,364
on Paul Allen's yacht.

5
00:00:12,532 --> 00:00:14,432
And for four glorious weeks,

6
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:18,559
my naturally blonde lady love and I
basked in the 3 S's...

7
00:00:18,871 --> 00:00:20,270
surf, sun, and...

8
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:23,876
- Sandwiches?
- We didn't need sandwiches, Lemon.

9
00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:24,999
It was so warm,

1
00:00:03,299 --> 00:00:04,732
Hey, you!

2
00:00:05,167 --> 00:00:06,134
Back that...

3
00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:09,364
...and you can...

4
00:00:09,805 --> 00:00:11,864
...while I eat a...
...combo...

5
00:00:13,209 --> 00:00:14,801
...mick!
- Disgusting, sir.

6
00:00:14,910 --> 00:00:18,141
Would you talk like that
to your mother or your daughter

7
00:00:18,247 --> 00:00:19,839
or your surgeon?

8
00:00:20,115 --> 00:00:23,448
Just because my friend is blond
and never closes her mouth fully...

9
00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:27,188
Hey, I wasn't talking to her.
I was talking to you, Glasses.

1
00:00:02,642 --> 00:00:03,336
Look at this.

2
00:00:03,643 --> 00:00:05,941
The writers put it on my door.

3
00:00:06,045 --> 00:00:07,137
I don't know what that's referring to.

4
00:00:07,246 --> 00:00:10,943
It's referring to this one time that
I got a chemical peel before work.

5
00:00:11,050 --> 00:00:12,779
And I was wearing
a red-and-green sweater.

6
00:00:12,885 --> 00:00:13,783
And a fedora.

7
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,255
But these douche-b's
have been doing this for weeks.

8
00:00:18,224 --> 00:00:19,987
- "Lez Lemon."
- First thought.

9
00:00:20,093 --> 00:00:21,253
"Winona Ryder."
"In a Hundred Years."

1
00:00:00,962 --> 00:00:02,953
10 minutes.
10 minutes to air.

2
00:00:03,064 --> 00:00:06,124
Cast, you should change
for the cold open.

3
00:00:07,669 --> 00:00:09,899
Hey, you wanted to see me?

4
00:00:10,071 --> 00:00:13,234
Does it seem weird in here to you?

5
00:00:15,143 --> 00:00:19,045
Everything looks
like a Mexican soap opera.

6
00:00:19,147 --> 00:00:20,114
I don't know.
Does it?

7
00:00:20,248 --> 00:00:23,877
My God, I can see every line
and pore on your face.

8
00:00:24,052 --> 00:00:26,486
Yeah, well, my face cream
was recalled.

9
00:00:26,588 --> 00:00:30,752

1
00:00:02,533 --> 00:00:04,228
Listen, Greg, I've got
the next big reality show.

2
00:00:04,535 --> 00:00:07,231
We put a bunch of people on a plane,
fly them over the Atlantic,

3
00:00:07,571 --> 00:00:08,765
then Tom Bergeron comes out

4
00:00:08,873 --> 00:00:11,967
and reveals that the pilot
is a six year-old boy.

5
00:00:12,143 --> 00:00:14,543
We call it "Child Hell Flight."

6
00:00:15,913 --> 00:00:18,074
Get out of here!
He is pitching a no-hitter!

7
00:00:18,182 --> 00:00:18,705
What?

8
00:00:18,816 --> 00:00:20,647
Starting at 4:00 p.m. Yesterday,
when Mr. Donaghy

9
00:00:20,751 --> 00:00:23,777
coined the word "innoventually,"

1
00:00:03,465 --> 00:00:05,296
I know I'm jumping the gun a bit,

2
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:09,632
but I had this made
for the baby at Hermès.

3
00:00:09,737 --> 00:00:12,501
So she can ride the maid.

4
00:00:12,607 --> 00:00:14,006
It is adorable.

5
00:00:14,108 --> 00:00:16,702
But are we still in love
with the name Charlotte?

6
00:00:17,011 --> 00:00:18,376
I think so.
Why do you ask?

7
00:00:19,347 --> 00:00:20,245
"Charlotte"?

8
00:00:23,451 --> 00:00:24,577
Are you serious?

9
00:00:24,686 --> 00:00:26,654
Well, Lemon went to middle school
with a Charlotte

1
00:00:02,613 --> 00:00:04,046
How's it going in there?

2
00:00:04,148 --> 00:00:07,345
Great. Trying on jeans
is my favorite thing.

3
00:00:07,451 --> 00:00:10,682
Maybe later I can get a Pap smear
from an old male doctor.

4
00:00:11,021 --> 00:00:15,253
Come on, Liz, this is store is cool.
It's huge with all the young people.

5
00:00:15,426 --> 00:00:17,257
I mean, all the us!

6
00:00:17,428 --> 00:00:19,328
This place is trying way too hard.

7
00:00:19,430 --> 00:00:21,364
Why are there straitjackets
on everywhere?

8
00:00:21,465 --> 00:00:23,023
Because before this was
a clothing store,

9
00:00:23,134 --> 00:00:24,032
it was a mental hospital.

1
00:00:01,489 --> 00:00:04,117
Where are Tracy and Jenna?
We're supposed to be rehearsing!

2
00:00:04,226 --> 00:00:08,162
Hey, LL. Sorry we haven't had time
to get into our costumes yet.

3
00:00:09,464 --> 00:00:11,455
How are we already
behind today?

4
00:00:11,766 --> 00:00:14,030
Liz, women wearing men's watches
is so over.

5
00:00:14,135 --> 00:00:16,035
The new thing is to get
an Adam's apple.

6
00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:17,502
My mom just had this fixed for me.

7
00:00:17,806 --> 00:00:18,932
It was my grandfather's.

8
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,372
He worked for years
at Union Station in D.C.

9
00:00:21,476 --> 00:00:23,171

1
00:00:02,213 --> 00:00:04,147
Hey, what was that sound?

2
00:00:04,248 --> 00:00:06,011
It was opportunity knocking.

3
00:00:06,117 --> 00:00:08,347
No one knocked.
You just barged in.

4
00:00:08,452 --> 00:00:09,180
Knock, knock!

5
00:00:09,286 --> 00:00:12,380
You were right, Donald. It makes
more sense for you to enter first.

6
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,082
It's okay, Daddy.
We'll just start over.

7
00:00:14,191 --> 00:00:18,150
You know, why don't we just
dive in to whatever this is?

8
00:00:18,262 --> 00:00:22,028
Okay. You remember Donald, my son
who's two years older than me.

9
00:00:22,133 --> 00:00:23,600
Ah, yes. Please.

1
00:00:01,888 --> 00:00:04,823
- Merry Christmas Eve Eve, Jack.
- Likewise, Lemon.

2
00:00:04,925 --> 00:00:06,552
Is there any chance you'll still be
around tomorrow?

3
00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:07,519
Sure.

4
00:00:07,828 --> 00:00:09,090
Do you want to go
to the Penn Station K-Mart with me

5
00:00:09,196 --> 00:00:10,128
and then watch "Tootsie"?

6
00:00:10,230 --> 00:00:11,356
I'm sorry, that's what you're doing

7
00:00:11,465 --> 00:00:13,296
instead of spending Christmas Eve
with your family?

8
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,062
It's my new thing,
travel on Christmas Day.

9
00:00:16,169 --> 00:00:18,933
That way I avoid the annual Lemon

1
00:00:06,254 --> 00:00:07,915
Happy New Year.

2
00:00:08,023 --> 00:00:09,354
Congratulations
on getting married, sir.

3
00:00:09,457 --> 00:00:11,823
I know I didn't deserve to be invited,

4
00:00:11,926 --> 00:00:13,951
so I thought I would give you
your gift now.

5
00:00:14,062 --> 00:00:16,326
Not if it's a song.

6
00:00:16,431 --> 00:00:18,831
It's not.
It's...

7
00:00:20,068 --> 00:00:21,399
...this belt.

8
00:00:23,838 --> 00:00:25,396
Well, the nuptials were perfect.

9
00:00:25,507 --> 00:00:27,975
We rented a villa on St. Esclavage.

10

1
00:00:04,429 --> 00:00:06,363
Doesn't matter how long
you've lived in New York.

2
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,092
It's still fun to look up

3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,226
and pretend all the buildings
are giant severed robot penises.

4
00:00:11,336 --> 00:00:14,305
Be quiet, Lemon.
It's happening.

5
00:00:20,045 --> 00:00:23,276
Wow. Out with GE,
in with KableTown.

6
00:00:23,382 --> 00:00:26,249
Seems like one of us should sing
"The Circle Game" right now.

7
00:00:26,351 --> 00:00:28,046
30 years at GE.

8
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,145
Now it's on to Phase Two.

9
00:00:31,256 --> 00:00:34,248
I am like Keats' stout Cortez,

1
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:05,137
Back to the top.
One more time, guys.

2
00:00:05,241 --> 00:00:07,675
Everyone, I need your attention!
Gather up!

3
00:00:07,777 --> 00:00:09,870
I said everyone, Sketch-Tron 6000.

4
00:00:12,348 --> 00:00:13,747
Mr. Hank Hooper,

5
00:00:13,850 --> 00:00:16,751
the owner of our new parent company,
KableTown,

6
00:00:16,853 --> 00:00:19,822
is touring 30 Rock
for the first time today.

7
00:00:19,922 --> 00:00:22,186
I will make a good first impression,

8
00:00:22,291 --> 00:00:24,418
so I need all of you
to be your most normal.

9
00:00:24,727 --> 00:00:28,094
Tracy, do not mention

1
00:00:02,018 --> 00:00:03,576
Hey, do you have a neck pillow?

2
00:00:03,886 --> 00:00:05,911
I blew mine up,
and now it smells like my mouth.

3
00:00:06,088 --> 00:00:08,556
I never sleep on planes.
I don't want to get incepted.

4
00:00:08,891 --> 00:00:10,825
Are you going somewhere?

5
00:00:10,926 --> 00:00:13,053
Carol has a flight to Raleigh-Durham
so I'm going with him.

6
00:00:13,162 --> 00:00:14,459
And we're gonna drive out
and spend a few days

7
00:00:14,563 --> 00:00:15,860
at an inn in Nags Head.

8
00:00:16,032 --> 00:00:18,023
You're going to Nags Head?
Isn't that redundant?

9
00:00:22,972 --> 00:00:25,338
"You're going to Nags Head?

1
00:00:04,761 --> 00:00:08,128
Listen up, everyone.
I have an announcement to make.

2
00:00:08,298 --> 00:00:11,461
As you may have heard,
Carol and I broke up last week...

3
00:00:11,802 --> 00:00:15,169
Hang on, why do you have a cat?
And a fanny pack?

4
00:00:15,339 --> 00:00:18,331
And your ponytail.
It's being held up by a chip clip!

5
00:00:18,475 --> 00:00:19,999
Because I'm giving up, Jenna.

6
00:00:20,110 --> 00:00:23,045
I did the math. How many times
does a woman meet Mr. Right?

7
00:00:23,213 --> 00:00:24,441
I've had three chances.

8
00:00:24,781 --> 00:00:27,841
Floyd, then Carol, and I was once
on an elevator with Tom Brokaw.

9
00:00:27,951 --> 00:00:29,418

1
00:00:03,493 --> 00:00:05,927
Wonderful news, non-famouses!

2
00:00:06,096 --> 00:00:09,998
My publicist just called from rehab.
I made the Internet!

3
00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:12,931
- You're on "JOANofSNARK.com"?
- On what?

4
00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:15,503
JOANofSNARK. It's this
really cool feminist website

5
00:00:15,605 --> 00:00:17,470
where women talk
about how far we've come,

6
00:00:17,641 --> 00:00:20,041
and which celebrities
have the worst beach bodies.

7
00:00:20,143 --> 00:00:22,134
Ruth Bader Ginsburg!

8
00:00:22,279 --> 00:00:25,009
"Comedy's Freshest Female Voice"!

9
00:00:25,148 --> 00:00:26,877
Take that, Courtney Thorne-Smith!

1
00:00:00,853 --> 00:00:02,946
Previously on "Queen of Jordan"...

2
00:00:03,056 --> 00:00:04,614
Don't tell me I can't sing!

3
00:00:04,924 --> 00:00:07,324
What the... have you ever done?

4
00:00:07,427 --> 00:00:09,054
Who the... are The Beatles?

5
00:00:11,964 --> 00:00:13,192
I know what you said about me!

6
00:00:13,299 --> 00:00:16,291
Please. I don't even think about you!
You're nothing!

7
00:00:17,370 --> 00:00:19,361
I know the photo shoot
for Randi's dog's funeral

8
00:00:19,472 --> 00:00:23,306
is the wrong place to tell you this,
but I'm going to Africa.

9
00:00:25,211 --> 00:00:29,011
It's my way 'til payday.

10

1
00:00:02,857 --> 00:00:04,882
Hey, Jack, the vending machine
is broken!

2
00:00:04,992 --> 00:00:07,256
I know. I broke it.
I needed to speak with you,

3
00:00:07,561 --> 00:00:08,960
and I knew that was the fastest
way to get you up here.

4
00:00:09,063 --> 00:00:11,258
You bastard!
I trusted you!

5
00:00:11,565 --> 00:00:12,589
Lemon. Lemon!

6
00:00:14,635 --> 00:00:16,330
Is there any news about Tracy?

7
00:00:16,637 --> 00:00:19,936
As of this morning,
he was still saving lives in Africa.

8
00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:22,202
I'm doing God's work here in Africa.

9
00:00:22,309 --> 00:00:25,142
Why, just yesterday, I kicked two

1
00:00:02,488 --> 00:00:03,546
We need to talk.

2
00:00:03,923 --> 00:00:04,981
Right now.

3
00:00:05,458 --> 00:00:07,358
We know Tracy's not in Africa.

4
00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:09,553
He's hiding somewhere
in New York.

5
00:00:09,662 --> 00:00:10,219
What?

6
00:00:10,329 --> 00:00:11,921
Don't play stupid, Walter.

7
00:00:12,031 --> 00:00:14,898
We have ways
of making people talk.

8
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,628
By giving them
fresh apple slices.

9
00:00:17,937 --> 00:00:19,564
Listen to me very carefully.

10

1
00:00:04,765 --> 00:00:05,754
This better be important, Jack.

2
00:00:05,866 --> 00:00:08,733
I was in the middle of bidding
on a bag of bras on eBay.

3
00:00:08,836 --> 00:00:11,031
Lemon, Hank Hooper
is on his way up from Philadelphia,

4
00:00:11,138 --> 00:00:12,867
and he wants to meet with both of us.

5
00:00:12,973 --> 00:00:14,907
Why does he want to meet me?
Do you think it's a good thing?

6
00:00:15,709 --> 00:00:16,835
It's not, Hon.

7
00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:20,277
I saw that in a movie once,
but in the movie, the guy was dead.

8
00:00:20,381 --> 00:00:21,473
Nice tie, Jack.

9
00:00:21,782 --> 00:00:23,374
How long have you been there?

1
00:00:01,229 --> 00:00:03,254
Hush, island baby

2
00:00:03,365 --> 00:00:05,595
Tomorrow you'll shuck the cane

3
00:00:05,801 --> 00:00:08,167
Your little fingers bloody

4
00:00:08,603 --> 00:00:11,936
Prepare to be whipped

5
00:00:12,107 --> 00:00:13,665
She's asleep.

6
00:00:18,113 --> 00:00:19,637
Hey! It's Mommy!

7
00:00:19,748 --> 00:00:21,010
I'm in Beijing!

8
00:00:21,116 --> 00:00:22,777
Shh!
Liddy just went to sleep.

9
00:00:22,951 --> 00:00:24,213
Well, wake her up, Jack!

10
00:00:24,319 --> 00:00:25,752
She needs to hear

1
00:00:02,472 --> 00:00:04,702
All right, now that
the popsicle's melted,

2
00:00:04,808 --> 00:00:06,139
we've got ourselves
a tongue depressor.

3
00:00:06,243 --> 00:00:07,904
I wanted you to look
at these cold sores.

4
00:00:08,011 --> 00:00:09,137
I get them
when I'm stressed out.

5
00:00:09,513 --> 00:00:10,878
They're nothing
to be ashamed of.

6
00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:12,571
I get them from prostitutes.

7
00:00:12,783 --> 00:00:14,080
I've just had
a hard couple months.

8
00:00:14,484 --> 00:00:16,918
Work has been crazy,
and I went through a bad breakup,

9